Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Monday, July 2, 2012

Sudan Protests XVI or what?

With my last post in mind, I'll try to be reserved in this one.

I'm safe. I'm not Sudanese and I don't live in Sudan. But I have a right to be concerned as a world citizen, as a mother of a half-Sudanese and as one who loves the country and it's people.

When the protests started, more than two weeks ago, I was thrilled and anxious to see this through as best as I could. I've stayed online almost 24/7 and have tweeted and blogged, encouraged and informed between diaper changes and the planning of our son's name ceremony. I've cursed myself for not being able to participate in the protests, in Sudan or by the embassy. I've contacted media and spoken in national radio. I've gotten people involved and have been very passionate about it all. "This is it," I've said, "now the Sudanese have finally woken up!"

But something happened. Or rather, things that happened started to unhappen. Like a building wave that strangely faltered, the protests in Sudan seem to have gotten weaker and weaker.

The world have shown it's support to #SudanRevolts. People have literally put their lives at stake for this revolution to happen. Some 1000 people have gotten arrested and a countless heap have been abused, threatened and mistreated in 1000 different ways. A man died. People got hurt. And while some stubborn activists continue their struggle; online and on ground, the rest seem to have slowly walked back to their houses, closed the curtains and hope that "nothing bad" will happen to them due to their moment of anger.

But bad things will continue to happen to them, no matter if they protest or not. The economy will continue to hit them hard, their lack of freedom will eventually remove their sense of personality and individualism and their ideas and opinions will be unspoken. Their kids; those innocent adorable little persons, will learn to grow up in a prison worse than any "Ghosthouse" or federal prison. Because in this one, the one without bars and walls, you can actually taste the freedom. You have it, right there, but you're either too scared or to indoctrinated and brainwashed that you don't even recognize freedom when you see it.

I think, and I'm going to be totally honest here no matter what kind of possible reactions I might get, that the world (all those people outside of Sudan) that have protested and shown their support for #SudanRevolts feels a bit let down. Disappointed if you choose.

People have travelled far to get to a Sudanese embassy and have been supporting and encouraging in many ways so that the Sudanese won't loose their spirits. And now? What you hear on internet is things like "let's make it happen on Friday!" or "Free this-and-that-person!" But what about the real issue? Why wait for a Friday to bring everyone you know that has something about their government to complain about and hit the streets? Why not now? What better time will there ever be than now?

Everyone in Sudan are unhappy with their government, wether they know it or not. Those who don't know it have simply not been in a situation where they've met the "authorities" because they have privilages of some sort.

I don't know... I'm a bit confused here. Where is this #SudanRevolts that started out so well? What happened to people's courage and "stick to it no matter what"?

I understand fright, I really do. I've been followed and monitored by the Sudanese authorities. Several (in plural!) of my close ones have been questioned, held and tortured by NISS, so believe me when I say I know what they're capable of. But what won't they be capable of if they can beat you down this easily? They will laugh at you, humiliate you, punish you for a number of things that you either did or didn't do.

WAKE UP! 
STAND UP!
MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Sudan Protests XI

Sitting behind a screen, all safe and well, has made me (and I guess many others out there) feel extremely powerless. I want to do so much. I want to be out there in the streets with all brave Sudanese, bake some cookies for them, make them happy and encourage them to continue their struggle. I want to tell everyone that they can do this; they can make Bashir leave and put him to justice as he should have been a loooong time ago. They can withstand the police and the NISS, all without violence. They can do it, simply based on their love for their country and for each other. They can do it with that wonderful humour and friendliness that is so characteristic for the Sudanese people.

I've felt powerless, but today I actually feel that I've done something. Me and my husband (who is Sudanese) was interviewed by Swedish Radio P3 News about Sudan, our experiences and thoughts about what's going on at this moment. And when I get back home, I see that #SudanRevolts has hit the frontpage of one of Sweden's biggest newspapers. Finally the Sudanese people gets some attention from this part of the world!

Here's the web-article from the radio interview.

I hope, with all my heart, that this will be the end of a horrible era filled with violence, war, genocide, torture, discriminations and corruption. And I hope it will be the beginning of a new one, based on democracy, human rights and freedom. I hope every Sudanese soon will feel safe in their own country and among each other. I hope I can go back with my family and show my son how awesome his second home country can be.

Update: It's only 8 PM here but I can hardly keep my eyes open. Been a long day and the little man has kept me busy with babbling, hand clapping and pooping. So, I'm going to leave the writing for today and do my best to disconnect my brain from revolutionary thinking. Some links to provide you with updated info about #SudanRevolts:

- Reuters, Police quell student protest in East Sudan: witnesses
- AhramOnline, Sudan activists call for Tahrir-style million-man protest
- Aljazeera, Sudan using protests "to silence dissenters"
- Alarabiya, U.S. condemns crackdown on Sudan anti-government protests
- SudanRevolts, A Statement from the Broad National Front to the Youth of Sudan
- Foreign Policy, The Sudanese Standup
- Sudanese Online, Statement on the latest developments of the protests in Sudan for public dessimenation
- Sudanese Online, Omer al-Bashir: Take a Look over Your Shoulder
- Sudanreeves, Sudan: Desperate for Regime Change Over Many Years

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

How Everything Changed


On November 27th, our beautiful son was born. It was without a doubt the biggest, life altering happening of my life. You can pretend and keep telling yourself that you're aware and prepared for what is to come, but it's not until the moment when you have that tiny, slimy person on your chest that you understand exactily how much everything has changed - just like that.

Gone are the days of worrying about yourself and gone are the nights of good sleep. All replaced by this enormous, undescribable joy and love for the fragile person that you helped give life to. Suddenly you're no longer just you, you're now a parent; completely and fully responsible for the safety and wellbeing of another person; a person that will (hopefully) love you unconditionally and put all his faith and trust in you. You're supposed to be that person that knows everything, can solve any problem and lead you in the right direction. It's not an easy task and certainly not something to take lightly.

The delivery was no an easy one and I wish I could say that it was the most wonderful experience in my life, like so many mothers seem to do. But (without revealing too scary details) after hours of excrutionating pain, the doctor finally decided to help out by using a vacuum extractor while 2-3 nurses were so kind and pressed my belly since the baby's heart started to slow down. A few minutes later a beautiful boy was born. I remember I had to ask "is that my son?" to understand that it was finally over.

Two months later I finally find the time and ability to focus enough to write this down. My son (I still find it strange and wierd to write/say "my son") is sleeping in my arms and my wonderful husband is cooking up some Sudanese fish dish in the kitchen. It's amazing to have your own family. Still hard to believe, but amazing.

My son. He is the love of my life and my greatest accomplishment. I'll give everything I have and more to make sure he always feels loved and safe.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Pregnant - Week 27

Week 26+2

Lacking the strength and committment to write about more serious matters, I thought I'd take a break and give a short update about the coming baby. I'm now 27 full weeks pregnant (or pregnant in week 28 as we say here in Sweden) and "The Bean" is growing and kicking along as it should. People that see me now think that I'll give birth in a month or so, or that I'm actually carrying twins. There's still only one little creature in there though, which is due on November 22nd.

After having a couple of months of feeling pretty much fabulous, other pregnancy signs have started to appear lately. I'm experiencing pretty bad pelvic pains (could be a blocked sciatic nerve too) when I've been standing up for a long time or walking a lot, which makes it impossible to walk like a normal human being, or even get out of bed sometimes. It feels like a giant needle very suddenly stabbing my buttocks which causes my leg to fold and me to loose balance (and let out a row of not so flattering curses). So far I've been lucky to have something to grab each time it's happened. The charming stomach acids have returned with all its might too.

My thyroid gland is overproducing a bit, so I'll be back at maternity centre in a couple of weeks for more tests. Since I'm already diagnozed with Hashimoto's Disease, it's probably a good idea to keep checking it once in a while.

I'm still working and enjoy it like no other work I've had before. I'm actually looking forward to each spell of work. I really hope that I'll be able to work for yet another few weeks before the baby is due, and even more that I can continue once I've been home on maternity leave for a few months. I feel really lucky and privileged to be in this line of work and wouldn't mind one bit to continue for a long time.

The picture is taken last week.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

When Luck Strikes

I'm certainly not one of the lucky ones and have experienced more setbacks than success in my life, but to others in bad situations I have always told them that finally things will go your way (and fully believing it except for my own situation). But as a rare occation, I finally experienced it myself. In two days I got a wonderful job, a great apartment in a nice area and I won 1st prize in a rhyming (!) competition with the prize of ecological baby clothes and toys worth 2000 SEK. None of it could have come at a more perfect time.

The constant nausea, throwing up and migraines have finally subsided although they're still far from gone, but that's what's to be expected. The baby is kicking along and my belly is growing by the day it seems. All that's left now is for my husband to return to Sweden so that he won't miss all of this. I know that there is a risk of him not being here in time for the birth, but I have to stay optimistic, for all three of us. I've planned for others to be there for me, just in case, but there's no point in getting myself stressed up by thinking negative and I still keep my hopes up that everything will be alright in the end and that the baby will have both his/her parents there when it sees the world for the first time.

Yesterday I went to see my two best friends that also happen to be pregnant and due around the same time as myself. We haven't had the oportunity to hang out much for the past few years for different reasons and it feels great to be settled in Sweden and have those two fantastic women to share all the worries and hopes with. Not many people are lucky enough to have their best friends being pregnant at the same time!

I can't move in to the apartment until October 1st, but that will give me some time to sort out the things that are left to be sorted, concentrate on my new job, the baby, my friends and everything in between. And once I've moved in, I'll just have a short walk from Linda, my aunt but sister and closest friend, the one I call when I'm sad and the one that always makes me feel like everything's going to be ok. And see, this time she was right!

Oh, and I'll return to my usual blogging about travelling, saving the world and what not, but for the next few months it will be layered with more personal posts. I hope that's ok.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Intercultural Relationships

©redsaga

My hope is for us to come together not only embracing shared beliefs and values, but acknowledging our differences in ways that promote respect and appreciation. To ask for a shared vision is a fair and legitimate human proposal; what is not fair and legitimate is to dictate the ways on how we get there. If we are to emerge from the long shadows that can engulf us, we must talk with each other, come to understand each other, and renew ourselves and our perceptions of each other.
-  Alma Abdul-Hadi Jadallah

You can live your life telling yourself that you choose your own path, that as long as you work for it you will end up with your dream job, the perfect social life and the perfect partner, but when love strikes (and I don't mean the high school crush, holiday flirts or rebound guys but that one that throws you off balance and compromises your breathing), the choices you've made so far matters little. You can live your life thinking that you're a rational person that would avoid difficulties in order to gain something easier, but when you find yourself eye to eye with that one person, rationality won't matter much. So maybe you one day find yourself in love with the seemingly impossible: a man or a woman from a different culture, with a different background and beliefs, with a different skin color, different values, opinions and thoughts. Then what? Do you walk away from it, hoping to find someone that would be easier to live with or do you cautiostly walk into it with the hopes of being able to overcome the differences?

First of all, cross cultural relationships all depend on the individuals involved and not their backgrounds. It all has to do with how open minded you are, your communication skills (which is mandatory and explained below), expectations, ability to compromise, knowledge and motivations. You can come from two completely different cultures, with different religions and political views, but what it comes down to is the personal traits and if these can be combined - i.e. all the issues that every relationship has to deal with.

Knowledge
Making an intercultural relationship works demands knowledge about each other's cultures, countries, religion and backgrounds. The best way if of course to talk to each other about it, ask every question you have no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Be curious and interested and show it by doing your own research; read books, listen to music and watch movies from the country or region, get in touch with others from the same culture and follow the news. This way you're likely to find out things about your partner's background and history that he/she didn't even know, things that slipped his/her mind during school or that he/she has been too uniterested to find out. The history and culture of one's own country is usually more uninteresting than other cultures, so by learning and discussing your findings can be a great way of both showing your interest and makes a good topic of discussion. Make sure to embrace what you learn; you may not like the music the first few times you hear it, or histories of war and unjustice may make you judgemental of the people that experienced it - but with an open mind it will not only give you new knowledge but also get a better understanding of your partner.

Motivation
Keep a positive attitude towards the other culture, no matter of the things that you don't agree with or don't like about it. There's always wonderful things to learn and experience while getting to know another culture so it's important to appreciate the differences and be empathic. One thing that has helped me to overcome less attractive attributes in cultures is to simply see it as "exotic." That may seem biased, but it gives a different ground to stand on and a tool to use when understanding or appreciation fails you.

Skills
Actress Mae West once said that "I speak two languages, Body and English" which is a skill that is put well to use when communication is a problem. Even though you may speak the same languages you will most likely have different ways of using it. Irony is for example not used or understood in all cultures and the same goes for jokes that can be easily misunderstood and lead to unnecessary arguments if you don't understand the background of the joke. Your social skills will be different; in one culture it may be just fine to call someone fat without meaning anything negative about it, but in others it's a bad insult. Take your time and leard each other's social skills. You'll likely find out about these in time anyways, but it can be done the hard way or by communication. Don't take for granted that your partner can read your expressions and the words said in between the lines: keep it as simple and clear as possible. Don't play mind games and keep a dictionary close at hand when the communication doesn't go your way.

Every relationship has obstacles and problems to overcome; everyone are different to matter if you share the same culture or not. However, intercultural relationships presents its very own set of issues that will have to be dealt with, rather sooner than later in order to know if this will work for you or not. The differences between you can be an adventure and open your eyes and heart for a better understanding of life and the world (big words, I know). That said, it's not always easy and sometimes the differences are just too much. Maybe you will have problems with each other's families, maybe you won't be accepted into the new culture or maybe your religious beliefs don't accept compromises. But as I see it, everything can be overcome with patience, sincerity and motivation. Sometimes you just have to let go of some of your own principles if you want the relationship to work out in the long run. It all depends on how much you value each other and what your priorities are. As with any relationship; you can never expect to change the other person. If you do that, you're most likely doomed to fail. Instead, see the differences and accept them, and equally important; don't forget all the similarities and use them as a bridge to overcome the obstacles facing you.

You'll face prejudices and words of doom from your surrounding so meet them with a smile and let them be a part of your own learning experience. An intercultural relationship doesn't only affect the couple, but also everyone around them. If you have to meet comments, make sure to preach understanding and respect. After all, it's in our every day life that we can save the world from racism, injustice and biases so you might as well start with yourself and the people around you. Soon enough the words will spread:

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren,
and to do good is my religion.

-Thomas Paine

Monday, June 27, 2011

Revolution Baby

18 weeks 5 days

So I'm going to be a mum! It's the most natural thing in the world, and still it feels very alien and wierd, like something that happens to everyone else (without there being anything strange about that) and not to me. I've always wanted children but I've never felt the right moment for it. This may not be the right moment either, God knows that the circumstances should be different, but they're not and now we just have to make the best of the situation and deal with everything that is to come.

So far I haven't had an easy pregnancy. Been throwing up basically from the first week until now and many days the dizzyness is so overwhelming that I have to spend the whole day laying down. The tests have been good so far, except for once when my blood sugar was a bit high but apparently that was nothing to worry about.

I went to my first regular ultrasound today (had two other before, one in Egypt and another once I arrived in Sweden) and the midwife said that I'm expected to give birth on the 22nd of November. At the time of my first ultrasound in Egypt, all I could see on the screen was a small bean, so from then on the baby has been called Bönan (The Bean). The life inside of me begun some two weeks after the Egyptian former president Hosni Mubarak stepped down. I choose to see that as a sign of a good start of the life that I will be bound to for the rest of my life. Could it be better than to start out when a whole nation is celebrating it's freedom? I don't think so! November seems faaar away but thinking that it's only less than 5 months left is kinda scary! I pray that Khalid will have the opportunity to be here by then. It would suck if he would miss it, since he's already missing out the first ultrasounds, the baby's movements and all that. I'm trying to tell myself that it's not the end of the world if he would be here later, but of course I would prefer it to be sooner rather than later.

I've started to feel more distinct movements now that can last for a good while. Before it's only been a sensation of whirling and bubbles, but now it's definitely something else. It's an amazing feeling and can't be compared with anything else. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl and don't want to know until the baby is born either. Both me and Khalid prefer to live with the surprise, but I have to say that I suspect it to be a girl. It remains to be seen if my feelings are right!

In May, my sister gave birth to pretty Kimberly and in September my brother will become a dad, so that makes three cousins in one year!

Going on a job interview tomorrow for a temp position at a place that I would really love to work. I've kept my eyes on the place for months, hoping for an opening and now I have the chance. Since it's only temp and not a permanent position, I really hope they will look past my pregnancy and instead see to my qualities, experiences and personality. I know that I would make a good job and if all went well, I would certainly not mind continue to work there when the baby is a bit older and all. Keep your fingers crossed!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Swedish Midsummer


One of my favourite holidays midsummer and today is Midsummer's Eve. The sun will set at 10.16 PM where I live and rise at 04.05 AM but Sweden is a long country and up north the sun never sets at this time of year, it just touches the horizon and rises again. On this coordinate though, most part of the night isn't dark, unless it's very cloudy.

Midsummer celebrations were meant to welcome the summer and fertility in agrarian times. In the early 16th century Swedes made their own version of German traditions by decorating houses and farm tools with foliage and raised tall, leafy maypoles to dance around. A crown of leafs and flowers decorate the heads of happy celebrating people. In the beginning mostly youngsters took part of the celebrations and indistrial communities, where mill employees were munching away on a feast of pickled herring, beer and schnapps. In the 20th century it developed into the most Swedish of all traditional festivities.


Where I live, the most important symbols of Midsummer are the decorated pole (and the dancing around it), the flower crowns and of course the food feast that almost always consists of pickled herring, new potatoes with cream and chive which is all swollowed down with schnapps. On Midsummer Night, the local tradition says that any girl who climbs seven fences under silence, picking a different flower in between each and then put the small bouqet under your pillow - then she will dream of her future husband. I tried it each year when I was a kid, but I have to admit that I never dreamt of Khalid (or anyone else for that matter, except once when I dreamt of my uncle, which was quite horrifying for a young girl!). Perhaps I did something wrong or simply couldn't help but to giggle with my fellow love-searching young neighbors while we should have stayed completely silence!

Anyways, me, dad and Oskar went for the traditional celebrations in Mariebergsparken in Kinna, that is the native district's park. The park was originally a bushy forest- and meadow ground as well as an old spot for digging gravel that all belonged to the farm Marieberg, whose manor house still stands. When the ground was bought by the native district's association, it was turned into a park and a couple of other old cottages have been bought and brought to the park. It's a popular and beautiful recreation area and weddings and other celebrations are often held in the park lodge. It was great seeing colourful people folk costumes and flower crowns doing "the frog dance" around the pole while enjoying a small picnic in the green grass! Afterwards we munched on pickled herring with trimmings with the rest of the extended family. No schnapps for me though, but I enjoyed the fresh strawberries with cream and sugar even more!

I'll post a video of the famous "Små grodorna", complete with dance and song (translated and all!) in my next post. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Life Works in Mysterious Ways

Khartoum - Sudan, Ameln Valley - Morocco, Cairo - Egypt, Öresten - Sweden
 Even the smallest choices you make, the smallest turns in your everyday life, can really take you to unimaginable places - or away from them. 

Out of the three far-away countries I've lived, Sudan is probably the most extreme of them all. Whilst I had my good share of drama and political corruption, kidnapping, a police who "captured" my passport and persecution (links to previous blog posts) - but the fact is that I could easily have been there right now, if small and seemingly unsignificant events and decisions hadn't taken me elsewhere. Today the largest country in Africa is about to split in two: the north (Sudan) and the south (South Sudan). To my big surprise, many seems to think that this should be the solution to all the problems that have haunted the Sudanese people for centuries. People think that wars will be solved, disputes will be settled and poverty and health problems will magically disappear. Surely you can hope that the long lasting conflicts between the north and south tribes will settle, but as always, things are not that simple. Even if that would happen, Darfur will still be caught in the middle, without any solution close at hand. Thousands will continue to die from starvation and diseases, caught in tribal conflicts (and governmental funded slaughters) and displaced when their villages are being burned. Many will end up in miserable refugee camps, either in Sudan or Chad. Most will have no hope of a safe future.

A couple of days ago, CNN reported that a major military offensive might be on its way in Southern Kordofan (a north Sudanese state). The report is based on field reports and satellite images and that has captured what looks like at least 89 military vehicles in the city of Kadugli, the state capital, which is being controlled by the Sudan Armed Forces (SAF). The vehicles included heavy ammunition transport trucks, light vehicles and possible towed artillery pieces. In May, Southern Sudanese forces attacked a UN Mission in Sudan convoy in Abyei. 22 soldiers died and Sudanese troops took control of the city, forcing Southern Sudanese forces out. According to the chief of Southern Sudan's mission to the United Nations, Abiyei belongs to both the north and the south until the people in the city decide otherwise. Now representatives os Sudan and South Sudan have signed an agreement of the immediate withdrawal of Sudanese troups from Abiyei, but the fightings in South Kordofan continue to threaten and claim lifes. My husband is somewhat safe in the capital, Khartoum, but my worries will not ease until I have him within an arms length again.

I spent a few months in Morocco and although I was safely placed in the more safe and touristy places, the ghost of the Moroccan-Western Sahara conflict loomed all over the country and haunted the people. The massive popular movements that have surged through the Arab world in the past few months reached Morocco in February and King Mohammed VI's (in power since 1999) response was a promise of "comprehensive constitutional reform", but protests that have claimed lifes have continued. Yesterday some 10.000 protesters gathered in Casablanca against the king's proposed constitutional changes. Meanwhile unemployment and poverty continues to be a huge problem and one of the major reasons for the unrest.

Most recently I had both the unluck and privilege to witness the popular Egyptian revolution first hand. While teargas and gunshots flew outside my window in central Cairo the Egyptian people gathered in their hundered of thousands in Tahrir Square and across the country to demand that president Hosni Mubarak (who had been in power for over 30 years) step down. After 18 days and hundereds of people dead the people got what they demanded and the military took over. Revisit my blog posts from January to February for personal reports, videos and photos. Today Mubarak is charged with the deaths of the protesters and is in custody in a military hospital in Sharm al-Sheikh after having heart problems. Now his lawyer says that he's also suffering from stomach cancer. The expected presidential election is to be held in December and the parlamentary election is proposed to take place in September which has caused some concerns as new public opinion survey predicts that the islamistic Muslim Brotherhood will by then have gained influence over the consitution.

Meanwhile, in safe Sweden, the politics are swaying to the right, slowly but steadily. The taxes have been cut and apparently the economy is growing, the budget is balanced and unemployment is declining. Even so, long term sick-listed people are loosing their sickness benefits and declined economical benefits from the social services they are forced into work despite of cancer, heavy depressions or no ability to move their bodies. And now midsummer is approaching with dancing around the pole, sunset after 10 PM, herring and other wierd traditions and rituals. As much as I appreciate all the odd experiences in faraway countries, I think I'll spend a few years in my country. I may think its dull or even boring at times, but at least I'll be safely away from violent uprisings, teargas, kidnapping and shootings. The only thing missing is to share the safety with my beloved husband.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Peps in My Heart



I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long, things have been a bit wierd lately and my head haven't worked properly, to say the least. I'll write more on that topic at a later point.

I'm in Sweden, as you know, and am currently waiting anxiously for Khalid's stay permit. It's empty without him and I can't help to worry about his well being and all, with the situation being as it is in Sudan and all. But all's well that ends well and in the end we'll have yet another obstacle that we overcame with patience and love.

Summer is here, and the Swedish summer can't be compared with anything else in the world. I've travelled far; from paradise beaches with turqoise glimmering waters to smoking sulphur smelling landscapes to the vast deserts, but in the end Sweden in summer time is very very hard to beat. So to celebrate the coming of clear blue skies, the smell of blooming fields, green forests and sparkling lakes, I'll share a song with you. From the sixties into the nineties, Peps Persson has brought blues and reggae to Sweden with his charectaristic voice and sound that brings happiness and goodness into the cold Swedish hearts. Bob Marley is said to have said that Peps Persson is the only white man that has reggae in his blood. Wether he really said it or not, or if it's true or not, I cannot say.

Peps turned even more into a personal hero when he in 2010 decided to sue the racist Sweden Democrats (SD) for hijacking a song of his ("Grannen", which means "The Neighbour") and cutting it down to one verse as a political propaganda for the party. The SD politician responsible for the act did so with the message of "This is why I vote for SD" on a webpage, while in fact the lyrics of the song is meant to advocate the complete opposite of SD's message. This song, "Oh boy" from 1992 is one of my favourites and is a signature summer song for me. I'll make an amateur attempt to translate the lyrics below. Enjoy!

"Oh boy!
What a beautiful weather, sun's shining today.
Oh boy!
No heavy clothes are needed, and that I like.
Stand up and jump, it's sunny today,
and on a day like that you can't lie and slack.
No, leave that and come with me outside
when summer's coming, now winter is gone.
Oh boy!
Hear the bird song, they sing so you get dizzy.

Oh boy!
Here in the yard's path, the road leads to an adventure.
Yes, imagine that you can be so happy
of the ground's flowers and of green leafs.
And the child inside you comes home again
to forgotten dreams and to the summer.
Oh boy!

Oh boy!
What happy tunes, it's pulling and quivering inside of me.
Oh boy!
A thousand million hugs I want to give you.
Yes, imagine that it can be so easy sometimes.
So simple as to hold out a hand,
and wipe the gravel off a child's cheek,
and feel the warmth from a summer wind.
Oh boy!
What a gift from above it is to live today.

Oh boy!
The pure gift of God, is it strange that I'm happy?
For the sun's shining, and you are here,
and earth is spinning on it's heavenly sphere.
And really when you feel like this,
the world is close to a paradise."

Monday, April 25, 2011

Cairo Protests - Flashbacks

One of many military helicopters above Tahrir

Maybe I'm just in a period when every emotion is hightened, when small things are blown out of proportions, and I hope that's the case. I thought I had gotten over what happened in Cairo, but apparently that isn't so. I feel bad for reacting the way I do. I wasn't, after all, part of the revolution; I didn't get shot, none of my friends or family got killed or emprisoned. And still, it affected me in ways I couldn't have predicted. A couple of nights ago I woke up from a semi-sleep by two helicopters circling above the house and in a second I was back in Cairo. It took me a while before I fully realized that I was safely in a small town in Southwestern Sweden, but the panic was hard to slip away from and sleep was no longer an option.

Meanwhile in Egypt, former president Hosni Mubarak is being transferred to a military hospital while waiting for the Tora prison to be medically equipped to recieve him, says Egyptian newspaper al-Masry al-Youm. A couple of weeks ago, Mubarak suffered a heart attack during the questioning about the murdering of pro-democracy protesters during the revolution. 

Egypt's military interim government is denying the accusations of Gaddafi's Egypt based cousin Ahmed Gaddaf al-Dam of funding the Libyan government and of recruiting Egyptian mercenaries, Reuters says. The Egyptian military has so far been careful to not take sides in the Libyan situation but has kept the border between the two countries open to assure that aid, medical equipment and food can reach the Libyans. The number of refugees fleeing Libya into Egypt is far above 100.000. I haven't found a current number, but a month ago, the UNHCR reported the number to be at least 118.000. If anyone has a more up-to-date number, please let me know.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Back to Reality

It feels surreal that I was in Egypt just 9 days ago. It feels much longer, or that I haven't been there at all. It's like one of those strange dreams that leaves you waking up confused, not knowing what was real and what wasn't. I was just away for three months - it's incredible how much can happen during such a short time. My whole life as I knew it is gone and once back in Sweden I'm suddenly in a completely new role, with different visions and plans. I'm still me, but things have definitely changed.

I've been having trouble sleeping since I got back, but I hope that will change within the next week. It has to. It's amazing how apparently small happenings can turn into enormous life changing moments, revolutions on the inside and outside. I know I'm not making much sense at the moment, but hopefully I will catch up with my thoughts and feelings soon enough.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Egypt Protests - How Love Conquers All

Broken arms and in a bad condition, but with good spirits.

There are plenty of revolutions described in the history book and I'll be the first to admit that I have little knowledge of the details surrounding most of them. What I do know however, is how the Egyptians in 18 days managed to end a 30+ year old dictatorship. It wasn't done through assassination or bombs, terrorism or unnecessary violence. No, the Egyptians did what the world thought was impossible. Through their unending love for their country and for eachother, they attracted millions of people from all social classes out in the streets. 

Few people have missed that the heart of the Egyptian revolution is in Tahrir (Liberation) Square. In this spot in central Cairo the people settled down, building shelters and created voluntary civilian work forces to keep the occupied Tahrir in order. Human chains were created to block the tanks from moving in to the square, schools and kindergardens were set up as well as makeshift hospitals and lost-and-found-stations. To enter the square you had to walk through several security checks; these too were run by civilians. Everyone got body searched and any sharp or other potentially dangerous objects were confiscated. After each check point, you were met with apologizes that they had to search you. I apologized too, for the people to be forced into this situation. The pro-democracy protesters were welcoming and protecting the few foreigners that had chosen to stay in the country (most of them journalists of course). A sign held up by a young man said "Tourists! Please don't leve, we'll protect you!" Women and men came to thank me for not leaving, saying that it was because of international media that they were somewhat safe from the authorities. The day after Mubarak resigned, the people returned to Tahrir. This time armed with brooms and plastic bags to clean up the square.

Of course an experience like this leaves you with tons of impressions that needs to be sorted and worked on. I learned so much that it's impossible to put it all into words, but one single thing changed me forever: the amazing solidarity that rose to the surface of all the Egyptians out in the streets is nothing less than a miracle. It's safe to say that no matter of all the horrible things that happened during the protests, it brought out the very very best in the people. Since the protests begun I haven't experienced any hassle and haven't heard of any sexual harrassement coming from the pro-democracy protesters. When the police and thugs started the attacks on the protesters, the people defended themselves, but they did it with a smile. I have no doubt what so ever that what kept the protesters going, through the violence and harsh conditions, is the humour and good spirits among them. Those that couldn't directly join the protests, kept the people up by songs and dancing. They may have been beaten and humiliated, even killed, but they never lost hope.

Whenever I think of the bread that was shared in Tahrir Square, of children sitting on their parents' shoulders chanting pro-democracy verses with smiles on their faces, of the human chains protecting the museum from looters and of the wounded getting plastered up with simple means, my eyes are filled with tears. And I really mean it, the incredible love and respect I've witnessed during these past few weeks truly makes me cry. It proves once and for all that the goodness of mankind beats the evil fews by far. Forget about guns and violence; with love in your heart you can accomplish anything.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Egypt Protests - A Few Days After


Got a text from Egyptian Armed Forces early this morning saying:

Asking honorable citizens to put all their efforts together to have a safe country.

It's wierd how many things you get can get used to in just a couple of weeks; hiding from the bad guys, body searches, questioned, texts from the army, you name it. Last night I dreamt that I was detained by under cover police. They blind folded me and I got my hands back-tied . Then they started to question me, laughing at me and trying to make me admit to something, like being a spy. And the wierd thing is that in another lifetime, in my safe haven in Sweden, a dream like that would be surreal, like something taken from a movie. But for the post-revolution me, there was nothing surreal about that dream. It could have happened, still can I imagine.

I'm in Hurghada, after having spent the two first weeks of the protests in central Cairo. Now, every time a car back fires or someone's shouting in the street I automatically flinch and think it's gunfire or an angry mob coming this way. Reports of high numbers of journalists that have been assaulted during the protests are surely scary and very very sad. Not that I'm a journalist, but I knew all along that if the (former) authorities would find out that I'm blogging about the events and talk to international media about it, I could be in big trouble. Not having a respected organization holding your back was somewhat risky (although having one was proved to not do much good either) and I found myself being less and less "courageous" towards the end; careful of who I was talking to and hiding the camera when possible.

On February 25th, the people in Hurghada will gather for a memorial of the hundereds of people that died during the protests. I still don't have news of what exactilly is planned, but I'm looking forward to publish the thoughts and feelings of the Egyptians that only got to witness the revolution from afar. The numbness that I first noticed (with horror, I must say) among the people in Hurghada concerning what was happening in the capital and all around Egypt is now mostly gone. After Mubarak's last speach to the nation, where he once and of all proved to be an old dillusional fart that had no clue what so ever what was happening in the country he was supposed to lead, the people in Hurghada stood up and clapped their hands. They said that what Mubarak said was good and that the people will settle for this. When they saw on TV that the people in Tahrir was leaving the square, they were sure that they were simply happy now and were going home. The day after, a few hours after the VP announced the president's resignation, the over all atmosphere changed into celebration. What they hadn't dared (or cared) to say before, could now be heard throughout the night in a happy celebratory street party with loud music, dancing, tears and fire shows.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Revolution = Ego Boost?


















Sveriges Radio's nation wide news program (Ekot) called for another interview today, February 4th.

To listen: http://sverigesradio.se/sida/default.aspx?programid=83&play=2888474&playtype=S%E4ndning 

To read: http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=83&artikel=4332952

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Sveriges Radio Sjuhärad (SR P4 Sjuhärad) called for an interview on January 30th.
http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=95&artikel=4320568







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We met Göteborgsposten (GP) in Cairo for an interview on January 31st.  This is an extract from a longer article about the protests.





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Short interview published in Borås Tidning (BT) on February 3rd. 
http://www.bt.se/nyheter/mark/article2267255.ece


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Cairo: Chaotic Tranquility


7,8 million people in a jungle of concrete, smog, chaos and bustling city life and one of them had the courage, strength and love to bring me all the way from Sweden. I didn't leave my safe haven behind, not exactily, but rather took a break from it to pick up the pieces of my life that have been scattered around the world and at a later time return as a complete person. 

I'm in Cairo; a muddle of dusty streets, fabulous history, shouting people and tempting souqs. And I'm here with Khalid, the man who have seen me for who I truly am when no one else had faith in me. I consider myself to be the luckiest woman on earth right now and I have a strong feeling that I'll continue to feel that way. By chance, I was lucky enough to land in the country of pharaos and white sharks at the same time as his family whom I haven't seen since my days of glory in Sudan. From now on, they're my family too.

Cairo is fascinating, but far from the mystic legends and stories you associate Egypt with. Knowing that I would have enough time in the city, I have yet to experience the grandeur of the pyramids, the labyrinths of Islamic Cairo and the mosques. Instead I've gotten a taste of the everyday life of the Caironians. I can't imagine a furure in this city (or any other large city for that matter), but spending some time here is definitely a positive experience I'll cherish for a very long time. I prefer the personality of villages or small cities, and in a week or two we'll pack our bags, get on a night-bus and head for the Red Sea. I know I can spend a long time there without being bored or wishing to be elsewhere. But really, I'd rather be in chaotic Cairo with Khalid than in a paradise village by the sea without him.

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Madman is Driving my Life


Living my life is like sitting in the back of a car with a madman for a driver. I mostly know my destination, but never how or when I will get there. It's for good and for bad; I've experienced horror rides, thrills that pumped me with adrenaline, slow and boring ones and steady rides without any surprises or flat tires. I would be a fool to say that my life is dull: it's been a thrill - still is actually. Nowadays I'm reluctant of announcing my next "moves", wether it's about education, work, physically moving some place, travelling, anything. People rarely take me seriously, not because I don't go through with my plans, but because it usually seems like they're not leading anywhere. But if you scratch on the surface, dig a little deeper into the meaning of the things I do, then those who knows me will see that I'm really actually going somewhere. Slowly for sure, but still steady.

I'm not just gliding through life without ever thinking of settling down. For me, it just takes a bit longer than for most others. I could have settled down years ago; gotten married, produced a couple of kids, bought a house and have a steady job. But that's not me. Maybe I would have been satisfied for a couple of years, but then what? Roving around may seem to others like wasting time, but I see it as an investment for a more long term happiness. And this thing about settling down... I don't know if there is such a thing in my vocabulary to be honest. I don't see why it's so important to stay in one place for the rest of one's life. No, I want to continue to see the world even after I have a husband and kids. Those things are not obstacles. Surely it takes more planning to travel with a bunch of kids, but it's still possible, even rewarding.

Since I got back to Sweden last March, I've done little. I've been gathering some university points to add to my soonish Bachelor degree and freshening up from a pain in the ass illness that had be basically decked for all spring and summer. It's not until now, when I look back, that I realize how ill I actually was. Thank goodness that part is over. And now it's time to move on, take a huge leap to make up for a few lost months to catch up with my life. Sweden is great, but it's at it's greatest when you're away from it and realize how much about it there is to miss.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Real Life Fairytales

Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca
They're all around you; those stories that people frown upon because they seem too good to be true, which in most cases they turn out to be. But sometimes, rarely I agree, people really experience things with a happy ending and sometimes they actually do live happily ever after. I'd like to tell you a short story:

In the beginning of the 1900's, the Swedish countryside looked pretty much like they do in the movies. Out in the west, in a place covered in picturesque yellow fields, lush oak and birch forrests and glimmering streams and lakes a teenage girl named Helga was one day walking uphill with a friend when they passed a small red cottage with white corners and an open window. Through the window, a sweet violin melody streamed. Many years later, Helga explained that she fell in love in that moment.

The man with the violin was called Erik, and in not too long Helga and Erik became a couple. They soon got married and had two children - they lived in that same place in the countryside their whole lives. As the couple grew older, Helga became senile and lost her memory. One thing she did remember and loved was how Erik used to play the violin and sing to her, so until the end he used to sit next to her and play, and when his arms weren't as they used to anymore, he just sang. She remembered the lyrics and sang when she could, then just hummed.

They grew old together - very old. Both of them reached beyond 90 years old and until the end, they sat next to each other in the kitchen sofa, kissing each others cheeks, talking and holding hands. When Helga passed away, Erik sat in front of the chapel crying out loud: "My dear little Helga... My little Helga!" They had then been married for over 70 years.

Whenever I loose fait in love, I think about them; my great grandparents. Now, although my story is very different from theirs, I believe I'm the lead character in another fairytale. We met in a war ridden country in Sudan as a teacher and student, stayed together for a while but was torn apart by circumstances that none of us could influence. For three years, we nearly hated each other, couldn't even be in the same room. But then something happened. Our roads once again met, even though it was completely unlikely, and now that big puzzle is finally filled out with more and more pieces for each day that passes. It's not complete yet, and I doubt if it ever will be, but at least it starts to look like a picture now.

The fairytale is now taking me out of the country, to a place where language is used with passion and the sunset paints the sky with fire. I'm going to begin writing the second chapter of this story there, and where it will take us next, I don't know. What I do know, is that there is no turning back this time. It's already written in stone and for once in my life I feel completely at ease, even happy, to be powerless. To not being able to change the course of events this time is bliss, because I know it will take me to where I should have been all along.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Africa in my Heart


When I was a child, my uncle was a sailor. He travelled the world and a few months later he came home with small gifts and great stories. I could sit and listen to these stories for ages and the once that fascinated me the most was those of the wilderness, where song and dance colors the garment that the locals wear. I loved to listen to how different things were there, how happy people were, even if they barely had food and clean water for the day. Needless to say, my uncle became my great role model.

At that time, my affection for Africa was born. I was still a child when I felt the need of going there. Maybe I lived in Africa in a previous life, and my uncle was the one who reminded me of it. I don't know, but from then on, I knew that one day I will move to Africa.

I'm not there yet. Yes, I've visited Sudan and Morocco for a few months each, but that wasn't enough. I want to find that perfect place, in the coutskirts of a city, close by white sandy beaches and turquoise waters. I want to make friends with the wonderful people that always has a smile on their faces even when they suffer. I want to climb the mountains, camp in the wilderness, trekk in the jungles and dive the deep blue, full of colourful fishes, dolphines, whales and sharks. One day I will find that place, me and the love of my life.

So thank you, dear uncle, for showing me the path that is so right for me. I'll forever be greateful and I trust in your lifestyle. Because after all the traveling you made, you found the place of your dreams; the breathtaking Iceland. And if you move onwards to different locations, then I know that that too is what you're meant to do.

I know we've had a fall out, you and me, but I hope from the bottom of my heart and soul that our relationship will develop into what it used to be. I love you and your wonderful family.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Solitude - Part I

"Solitude"
There are different ways of defining the word solitude:

  • the state of being solitary or secluded 
  • a state of social icolation
  • the state or sitation of being alone
  • a state of being alone, or withdrawn from society; a lonely life; lonelyness.
  • the state of being or living alone 


In most cases, solitude is not chosen. It happened for reasons that you either could or couldn't prevent. Maybe you did something so bad that your friends chose to fully or partly exclude you from their lives. Solitude can also be a result of a somewhat innocent person falling sick and no longer has the strength to keep her social life going. Suddenly there are other things to top the priority list of what is most important in your life. For example: would you prefer to fight for your will to stay alive, or would you rather keep going as normal and as a result; loose your life.

In my case, I lost my friends when I no longer had the will to live. I was in a deep depression and on a number of Hulk-strong pills to keep me calm and keep the suicidal thoughts away from my head. At this time, it wasn't even in me to call my friends, to keep relationships going and to pretend to be this super social gal I used to be. So I lost my friends. Three stayed (Anna, Frida and Jakob). For them, I will forever be greatful and I wish with all my being that one day I will be forever free the disabling angst so that I can show how much you really mean to me. I love you guys, from the bottom of my soul; I thank you.

During the years, the depressions have come back, and the problems with it. I've been slipping away from those dear friends even when I at times have had the courage to talk to them, and on occasion even see them. Anna moved to Oslo. Frida lives closer, but is busy. Jakob lives in Göteborg and is probably equally busy.

I'm really working on it, but it's still hard to be in social places with a lot of people. I never feel more alone than I do in a room full of people. Taking the bus to Göteborg is a huge undertaking even though it's only an hour away. This is probably the hardest part to explain; how I can't come have coffee in Borås or go to a party in Göteborg. I can't, because although I've worked hard to get where I am today, I'm not quite there yet. I so wish I was. Because at this time, it feels like even those three remaining friends are slipping away from me. I can't have that happen. That would certanily be the final blow. But what can I do to prevent that from happening? How can I prove to them that I'm worth to come visit, even if I can't come see them?