Cairo Protests - Monday 31st

January 31^st 2011: Police are partly back in Cairo, directing the traffic or just making their presence visable. The people are still gathering in very large numbers in Tahrir Square and are preparing for tomorrow's ”Million March” which is supposed to attract over one million protesters in Cairo and Alexandria. It feels like the situation is about to reach a critical point; will the police increase its brutality during tomorrow's protests and if that's the case, what will the military do about it? Most people agree that the military is on the people's side, but they have so far been weak in their support other than that they haven't used much violence against the protesters. What worries me is the clashes that are bound to take place tomorrow or in the days to come, between police and civilians. If the police opens fire against the protesters, will the military finally stand up and defend them?

Rumours say that the protesters have given the military until February 3^rd to show their support for the people. What will happen after that remains to be seen. No clear opposition leader have stepped forward that have been widely accepted. Nobel peace prize winner Mohamed Elbaradai is undoubtly the one who have been seen the most publicly through media and says that he will lead the country in the transition period if the people want him. Many are critical to Elbaradai though, saying that he talks more to the media than to the people and that he has been away from Egypt for too long and didn't join the protests until a couple of days after the protests had begun. In my opinion, he's worthy and qualified to take over the president post until a free and fair election can take place. It would be impossible to find the perfect candidate in the heat of the moment so having a temporary leader that will listen and accept the voice of the people is good enough. Not every good change can happen in a day. During the transition period, the people of Egypt will have more time and resources to find candidates to lead the country through the reforms.

Our afternoon has been spent on hunting for food and drinks, as for most other people in Cairo. The city is running low on bread and other essentials. God knows what will happen if the businesses keep being closed for much longer. It's just been a week since the protests started. It took less than a day before the police started to be openly violent, another couple of days before the whole security broke down. Huge prison breaks, large amounts of weapons being stolen, looting, sabotage, buildings and vehicles of fire. Internet and mobile nets are shut down. It's incredible how fast the system can completely collaps. The banks are closed and people can't get their salaries. Now we're running out of food and drinks. What's next?

Swedish Radion called for a second (live) interview today. I'm happy that I get to do my part in spreading the information about what's going on in the country now that we're being cut off from the internet. I hope I'll be able to publish this along with all the videos and photos I have waiting. Keep your fingers crossed.

Cairo Protests - Sunday 30th

January 30^th 2011: Today fighter jets started to fly low over Cairo with deafening sounds, adding yet another factor to make the city appear more and more like a war zone. The general reaction about the turn of events is that the government is trying to put fear and respect into the people and although it undoubtly is a bit frightening it hardly had the effect the government were hoping for. The curfew was implemented at 3 PM this afternoon, three hours earlier than Friday and Saturday, but few have obeyed and there are still thousands of protesters out in central Cairo.

The police have re-entered the city and are more hated and disrespected than ever before. Surely someone needs to take over the job of protecting the citizens from looting, thugs and hundereds of escaped prisoners, but it's quite clear that the police are no longer welcome among the people.

I had a violent wakeup around 7.30 this morning by sharp gun shots. Half an hour later, Swedish newspaper Expressen/GP called and requested an interview. We met in Opera Square and retired to our apartment for some ”home environment” and privacy. Shortly after, Swedish Radio called, requesting another interview. I've been frustrated of having all this material; photos, videos and surreal scens burned into my eyes, and not being able to share them. It's absolutely mandatory that the world gets to see what exactily is going on here and from what I understand the coverage in Sweden hasn't been as wide as it deserve. Of course it matters that we've been cut out from internet, but luckily images and videos have still been leaked and I've been able to follow the progress on CNN and BBC, making it possible to know what to expect before I leave the apartment.

It's more than clear that the Egyptians won't back down now. They have rosen and will stand arise until Mubarak falls. They're desperate, furious and committed to see this through. I'm honored to be among those to witness one of the biggest historical events in the Arab world. The power of many have once again been proven.

Cairo Protests - Saturday 29th

In the suburbs women and children are hiding inside while the men are out in the streets equipped with metal bars and wooden sticks. There is no longer any police or security guards available and people are doing what they can to protect themselves from thugs and looters that have started to roam the streets. Earlier in Tahrir Square I witnessed a mob attacking a man who was said to have stolen a necklace from a woman in the street. He was hit hard with fists and kicking from around 30 men until the military grabbed him and brought him in to one of the tanks. On the other side of the square police had once again moved in and was shooting repeatedly.

It's nothing less than amazing to watch the sister- and brotherhood that is forming among the protesters. Civilians are forming human shields to protect people from walking in a direction where the police are shooting. They have also surrounded the Egyptian museum to protect it from looters and are guarding shops and are cleaning up in the streets as all community workers are gone from public areas.

Everyone is cheering and befriending eahother; muslims and christians, blacks and whites, women and men. The curfew started at 4 PM today, but I haven't heard of anyone who have obeyed this and neither have I. Everything is closed and we're currently hunting for some place where we can get food and water, but it's difficult under the circumstances. airo is in anarchy and it's only around Tahrir Square that there seems to be some kind of order, despite of (or because of) thousands of people sometimes screaming and sometimes cheering at an approaching victory.

So far I haven't met anyone who is satisfied with Mubarak's promises. The people want him gone. They don't care about his words or the announcement of a new government anymore. What they want is a new president, elected by the people, and this new president is certainly not Mubarak's son.

The mobile net has now been turned on but we're still being cut off from internet. I don't know what tonight will be like, nobody knows. But I do hope that Mubarak will acknowledge the people's demands and realize that he no longer is welcome at the party. I also hope that the military have enough resources to restore some kind of order in the city. The streets of Cairo are no longer safe, especially not after dark and people are afraid. They're standing in line at the ATM:s to empty their accounts and I'm guessing that most people, like us, are stocking up on food and drinks.

It's difficult to leave the city at the moment. Buses and trains are not running as they should to and from the city, and those who are are fully booked. We'll stay put for a few days and see what will happen.

As far as I know, Mubarak still hasn't announced his new government, and when he does it won't do any good anyways. The people of Egypt have spoken: Mubarak's days are numbered.

Cairo Protests - Saturday 3.30 AM

Saturday 3.30 AM, January 29^th 2011: Mubarak spoke on national TV right after midnight, saying that he is firing his ministers but made it clear that he will not step down from the president post. He promised reforms and said that a new government will be appointed during the day. Obama urged the Egyptian government to refrain from violence, to keep it's promises and to open up internet and mobile nets. People's response to Mubarak's speach is far from positive. The problem is not the ministers as such, but the dictator and lack of democracy and basic rights. What the people is for the president to retire. It's too late for him to make promises that everybody knows will not be kept.

Outside our window we can hear shootings regularly now from what seem to be sharp guns, automatics and bombs. The sky occationally lights up and shouts are heard from all directions although it doesn's seem like there are that many people outside right now.

Minutes ago I watched a group of civilians having energetic talks with the military. One of them was taken away in a pickup truck. It's surreal and I wish I could contact my family to let them know that I'm ok, but I can't.

I didn't sleep well last night, for obvious reasons and I'm dead tired. I doubt I'll be able to sleep, but rest is needed as Saturday will be long and filled with more protests and catastrophies. We're going to try to find an open supermarket tomorrow so we can stack up with drinks and food as almost everything is closed. I don't know where we'll be able to get breakfast in the morning. Good night people. Be safe and continue your support for the Egyptians and all other people in the Arab world that are fighting for their freedom at this very moment.

Cairo Protests - Friday 11.30 PM

Friday 11.30 PM: The warlike sounds from the city have decreased, although an occational gun goes off, and it seems to be a bit calmer in the streets. The police have completely surrendered and left the streets for the military to control. It's reported that the military is showing it's support for the people in some places and that they're shooting in other places. It's clear that the people are hoping that the military will take control and help to overthrow the president and inforce social, political and economic reforms that will benefit the people instead of a few rich ones.

In addition to the ruling political party's headquarters, the national TV-building has been seized and is said to be burning. Shops and businesses are being plundered and it's said that the protesters are not to be blamed, but that it is the work of security forces trying to shed a bad light on the demonstrators. Rumors also say that businessmen and women are collecting their savings and are leaving the country, but I have no way of confirming that at the moment.

The tear gas is no longer burning my face but the whole situation is so surreal that I feel like I'm part of some horrifying movie about the beginning of a war. The official death toll in Cairo is five at the moment, but my good guess is that the number can be multiplied several times. More people have lost their lifes outside of the capital. Especially Suez has been bad.

President Mubarak still haven't adressed the people and nobody knows for sure what will happen next. A probable picture of tomorrow's events is that of military in the streets, closed businesses and more protests that probably won't be just as big as they've been today. Nevertheless I've repaired my face mask in preparation for more gas canisters. Mobile nets and internet is still shut down and I'll publish this as soon as I can.

Cairo Protests - Friday 8 PM

Friday 8 PM: As expected, massive protests spread throughout the streets in Cairo after the Friday prayers. Tens of thousands of people marched the streets chanting things like alshaab youred esgat alnezam! which means ”the population wants the system down.” All strategic spots in the city was barricaded by riot police and plaincloth police circled among the protesters. Journalists have been targeted and I've heard several stories of cameras being taken and journalists being beaten bad. The police have been using extreme violence throughout the day; shooting hundereds of canister cans with tear gas towards the masses, firing rubber bullets and water cannons. The air have been filled with gas, burning the eyes and noses. Protective face masks have been distributed among the protesters and the gas haven't stopped people from shouting out their rage.

Large groups of demonstrators have been trying to unite, but it's been difficult to get past the barricades. I've seen gas canisters flying through the air, landing in the middle of the crowds. People are using masks or scarfs to protect their faces and share advices of how to best cope with the tear gas. Cars and tired have been set afire. Amateur fire bombs have been thrown towards the police and stories of extreme police violence have been circulating all day.

Late in the afternoon a curfew was implemented, frpm 6 PM to 7 AM tomorrow morning, but few protesters have obeyed the curfew and the government's prohibition of demonstrations. Tens of thousands of people are still advancing through the city. We've been completely cut off from the rest of the world as internet and mobile nets are shut down. A while ago the military moved in to the city, which have been met with respect as they are considered to not be a part of the violent police forces. Recently military helicopter started to circulate above the city and I can constantly hear the sound from them as well as explosions and some kind of guns being fired in the distance.

President Mubarak have been expected to speak to the people on national TV this evening, but so far no announcements have been made and it's still very unclear what will happen next. Christians and muslims alike are walking side by side in the streets and everyone is very friendly and helpful towards each other. The ruling party's main building is set ablaze and clouds of smoke can be seen on the horizon in all directions. A military commander spoke on TV, urging people to respect the curfew and not force them into more violent means. He also said that he is positive that the president will listen to the people and make necessary reforms. That remains to be seen though, as Mubarak still hasn't gone public since the protests begun last Tuesday.

Cairo Protests - Friday 3 AM

Friday 3 AM, January 28^th 2011:

The government has shut down all main servers providing internet throughout Egypt, no network is available. It's not until now that I've realized just how serious the situation is. Egypt, a country which is supposed to be a paradise full of mysterious historic sites, shisha smoking and beautiful beaches now looks more like a war zone than anything else. Our phones are being tapped. I can no longer communicate with my family or friends through internet or have a private conversation over the phone. I can't study online and I'll fall behind on papers and assignments.

The only good thing about all this is that the Egyptian government is afraid of the power of the people. They know that they are being threatened and are now fighting back by all means possible. They think that they will make it harder for the people to communicate and share information about the protests while in fact they're just giving them further reasons to continue to express their anger.

This is bad people, really, really bad. I don't even know when I'll be able to post this.

We went to get some water in a nearby shop who was about to put all their wares inside the small shop space while under normal circumstances the shop is open 24 hours. To the question about why they were doing that they said that they have to get everything inside since they'll be closed during Friday.

”Tomorrow will be catastrophic, a disaster” the shop owner said and adviced us to stay indoors and not to leave the building. Indeed, Cairo is preparing for the worst day so far during the protests. As a result of the people planning mass demonstrations after the Friday prayers, the government answered with closing down every major mosque in central Cairo. Now every muslim in the country will respond with rage and even those that didn't participate in the protests so far will undoubtly join now. We're being censored and monitored and I have no idea what it will look like here after the Friday prayers. I have to admit that I'm a bit scared.

Cairo Protests - Part VII

January 27th, 2011: The streets in this part of downtown have been calm today, but there have been reports of protests around the city all day. The people of Cairo are preparing for the largest demonstration so far which is supposed to take place tomorrow after the Friday prayers. The government's response seems to be that all major mosques in central Cairo will be closed, which of course will make people even more upset and draw more people to the protests that up until now haven't cared much for attending.

Facebook and Twitter, as well as mobile nets, are currently shut down which is meant to make it more difficult for people to communicate and spread information about the ongoing situation in the country and tomorrow's demonstrations. I will keep on posting videos and photos here as long as it's possible and as long as I can get close enough without being in the middle of it.

Please spread these videos on Facebook, Twitter and other social medias as it's important that the world gets to see what's going on in the country now that we're being censored. Please make sure to link to my blog if you intend to use the videos and photos.

SvD, DN, SR, Reuters, The Guardian,

Cairo Protests - Part V

January 26th, 2011: Second day of demonstrations in Cairo. Up until now the masses and police have stayed away from "my" place of downtown, but as we exited our building in the early evening of Wednesday, a couple of hundered demonstrators made their way towards Tahrir Square through our street. The group was chanting protest verses and was peaceful but angry. Police were present, but as far as I could see they mostly kept their distance from the demonstrators.

Rumours say that military are moving in in Suez, and the Egyptians have today suffered from shut down mobile nets and landlines as well as social networks like Facebook and Twitter along with some newspaper sites. In addition to at least four people that got killed during the clashes today, it is said that two more (a police and a protestor) died today but it's unsure if it was a car accident or something more directly associated with the demonstrations.

The atmosphere among the people in Cairo is tense; most people I've spoken to say that this is a very bad situation, although some of them aren't even sure what this is all about. The Guardian is continuosly, minute by minute, reporting about the situation in Egypt. Rumours say that reporters and other people who document the demonstrations by photo or camera have been rounded up by the police. Some have been driven out in the desert and many have been beaten. The police presence have been high during the whole day and it seems like they're taking no chances after Tuesday's events. All kinds of demonstrations have been prohibited, but many brave souls have defied it all over the country.

Will post a video or two later during the day.

Cairo Protests - Part VI

January 26th, 2011: Day two. Protestors make their way to Tahrir Square via side streets as the major streets are heavely blocked by riot police. This video was shot just outside our apartment yesterday early evening.

Cairo Protests - Part IV

January 25th, 2011: Protesters break through one of the barrikades in a side street and are approaching Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir) in central Cairo while chanting of the will to bring president Mubarak down.

Cairo Protests - Part III

January 25th, 2011: As police forces block the main streets leading to Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir), demonstrators move to side streets where they're also met with force. In this video a group breaks through the barricade.

Cairo Protests - Part II

January 25th, 2011: Egged police forces and protesters clash in Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir) in central Cairo on Tuesday.

Cairo Protests - Part I

January 25th, 2011: The first demonstrations begun. We live in central Cairo and it's been hard to avoid the riots. It feels surreal. We're in the middle of something huge; I'm actually witnessing a revolution that will be read of in the history books in the future.

Massive police forces gathered in Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir) in central Cairo in the early afternoon on Tuesday and was egged into confrontation of thousands of Cairo demonstrators on the other side of the square. As I film the event, armoured trucks started to shoot with waterguns at the protesters.

Time Travel in Old Cairo

Today I've been one of many. Khalid brought me to old Cairo; narrow paved streets where millions of foots have walked for centuries, market stalls with eager salesmen promoting anything from "antiquities" to ornamental water pipes and lamps to scarfs and souvenirs in the shapes of pyramids, Nefertiti and golden beetles. I'm used to be the only one with a camera - I bring it pretty much everywhere and take pictures where no one else sees beauty. I prefer places that are rarely visited by tourists, I don't like hassle and avoid tourist traps as much as I can. But today, as we entered the area of Islamic Cairo, I truly understood that there's a reason why people from all over the world visit this city, and why they gather in these parts. Overlooking the annoying salesmen and false guides, the pretty face of olf Cairo shows herself and shines with glory of long gone days.

The first mosque we entered was the 625 year old Madrassa and Mausoleum of Sultan al-Zahir Barquq and although I embarressly admit that it was the first time I entered a mosque, it was an amazing introduction. Being in very old buildings, be it churches or mosques, almost always takes my breath away. Just knowing how old it is, how many people have been there and the tremendous amount of work it took to build it kinda makes you religious. The architecture and artwork still stands out, more than 600 years later, and I really hope that future generations will have the same opportunity to experience what I did today.

We spent a couple of hours sitting in a busy sheesha place in the middle of the market, listening to arab beats, smoking our pipe and drinking hot mint tea while watching people and inevitabely discussing hardcore subjects like history, science and religion. It's hard not to think along those lines in places like that, and even though we don't always agree about things, discussions like that are always rewarding.

Finding our way out of the maze of narrow streets we encountered the first tourist police to ask about our relationship. Proudly we presented our papers proving that our relationship is fully legal, allowed and that there are no shady reasons behind it. Apparently they're there to protect the tourists - that being me - but I couldn't help but feel a bit disrespected. I'm sure it's a good thing that they keep their eyes open to "protect" poor defenseless foreigners like me from the mighty evil arabs, but it makes me wonder how long we will have to prove that we're for real and that I'm not being used for some financial or stay permit reasons. Anyways, it was bound to happen sooner or later and I guess it's all good to be able to add yet another experience to the list of worldly prejudices and social rules. Once home, we were overjoyed to find out that the elevator to our rooftop apartment on the 14th floor was broken. Yeay.

Cairo: Chaotic Tranquility

7,8 million people in a jungle of concrete, smog, chaos and bustling city life and one of them had the courage, strength and love to bring me all the way from Sweden. I didn't leave my safe haven behind, not exactily, but rather took a break from it to pick up the pieces of my life that have been scattered around the world and at a later time return as a complete person. 

I'm in Cairo; a muddle of dusty streets, fabulous history, shouting people and tempting souqs. And I'm here with Khalid, the man who have seen me for who I truly am when no one else had faith in me. I consider myself to be the luckiest woman on earth right now and I have a strong feeling that I'll continue to feel that way. By chance, I was lucky enough to land in the country of pharaos and white sharks at the same time as his family whom I haven't seen since my days of glory in Sudan. From now on, they're my family too.

Cairo is fascinating, but far from the mystic legends and stories you associate Egypt with. Knowing that I would have enough time in the city, I have yet to experience the grandeur of the pyramids, the labyrinths of Islamic Cairo and the mosques. Instead I've gotten a taste of the everyday life of the Caironians. I can't imagine a furure in this city (or any other large city for that matter), but spending some time here is definitely a positive experience I'll cherish for a very long time. I prefer the personality of villages or small cities, and in a week or two we'll pack our bags, get on a night-bus and head for the Red Sea. I know I can spend a long time there without being bored or wishing to be elsewhere. But really, I'd rather be in chaotic Cairo with Khalid than in a paradise village by the sea without him.

So Long Sweden! Time to Leave the Darkness Behind

There is something very special about the nights before a travel, no matter how old you are. It reminds me of the night before Christmas when I was just a kid, when you were so excited that it felt like your chest would burst and spew out butterflies and laughter. It's almost like that now, because the day after tomorrow, I'm leaving.

I'm nervous and happy and it feels like freedom is finally lurking behind the corner. I can almost see her. What was planned to be a month's visit in Sweden turned out to be 10 months of illness, without any money and my baby cousin got cancer. I'm 29 years old and had to stay with mum, when I wasn't in the hospital. That kinda sucked, but I know that I needed the help and at least it wasn't permanent, plus I got the chance to hang out with my darling sister and brothers. In the end, everything turned out alright. The illness mysteriously disappeared, my cousin got well after months of awful treatments and the money landed in my account just in time for Christmas shopping. And now, with a one-way ticket in my hand, I feel that I can leave that chapter of my life behind.

This is the first time I'm travelling somewhere somewhat unprepared. I'm usually very carefully planning everything; know exactily where to stay, where to buy what, what to see and what to expect about the people and culture, what the traffic is like, the climate, taxi costs, everything. But not this time. This time I'm giving in to the excitement of finding it out once I get there, but then of course I already have someone who knows all the things I don't yet know. It feels great to have the freedom and at the same time be able to rely on someone else to take care of all the practicalities.

Most of my friends and family don't even know I'm leaving now. The one-way ticket was booked recently and suddenly the day just arrived. So, for those who want's to say hi before I go, the doors will be open tomorrow afternoon and evening. And if you can't make it tomorrow, then come visit when I live in that paradise town down south! My place will always be open to near and dear ones, wherever I currently am. Hopefully in a month or two, when I've spent some time in the bustling smoggy city, I'll be close to picturesque beaches where I'm sure some of you won't mind come visit!

I'll be back of course. I'll always be back, but this time I'm not sure if it will be in a few months or much longer. I still hope it will be within a year though. Let's see how that goes.

A Madman is Driving my Life

Living my life is like sitting in the back of a car with a madman for a driver. I mostly know my destination, but never how or when I will get there. It's for good and for bad; I've experienced horror rides, thrills that pumped me with adrenaline, slow and boring ones and steady rides without any surprises or flat tires. I would be a fool to say that my life is dull: it's been a thrill - still is actually. Nowadays I'm reluctant of announcing my next "moves", wether it's about education, work, physically moving some place, travelling, anything. People rarely take me seriously, not because I don't go through with my plans, but because it usually seems like they're not leading anywhere. But if you scratch on the surface, dig a little deeper into the meaning of the things I do, then those who knows me will see that I'm really actually going somewhere. Slowly for sure, but still steady.

I'm not just gliding through life without ever thinking of settling down. For me, it just takes a bit longer than for most others. I could have settled down years ago; gotten married, produced a couple of kids, bought a house and have a steady job. But that's not me. Maybe I would have been satisfied for a couple of years, but then what? Roving around may seem to others like wasting time, but I see it as an investment for a more long term happiness. And this thing about settling down... I don't know if there is such a thing in my vocabulary to be honest. I don't see why it's so important to stay in one place for the rest of one's life. No, I want to continue to see the world even after I have a husband and kids. Those things are not obstacles. Surely it takes more planning to travel with a bunch of kids, but it's still possible, even rewarding.

Since I got back to Sweden last March, I've done little. I've been gathering some university points to add to my soonish Bachelor degree and freshening up from a pain in the ass illness that had be basically decked for all spring and summer. It's not until now, when I look back, that I realize how ill I actually was. Thank goodness that part is over. And now it's time to move on, take a huge leap to make up for a few lost months to catch up with my life. Sweden is great, but it's at it's greatest when you're away from it and realize how much about it there is to miss.

Real Life Fairytales

Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca

They're all around you; those stories that people frown upon because they seem too good to be true, which in most cases they turn out to be. But sometimes, rarely I agree, people really experience things with a happy ending and sometimes they actually do live happily ever after. I'd like to tell you a short story:

In the beginning of the 1900's, the Swedish countryside looked pretty much like they do in the movies. Out in the west, in a place covered in picturesque yellow fields, lush oak and birch forrests and glimmering streams and lakes a teenage girl named Helga was one day walking uphill with a friend when they passed a small red cottage with white corners and an open window. Through the window, a sweet violin melody streamed. Many years later, Helga explained that she fell in love in that moment.

The man with the violin was called Erik, and in not too long Helga and Erik became a couple. They soon got married and had two children - they lived in that same place in the countryside their whole lives. As the couple grew older, Helga became senile and lost her memory. One thing she did remember and loved was how Erik used to play the violin and sing to her, so until the end he used to sit next to her and play, and when his arms weren't as they used to anymore, he just sang. She remembered the lyrics and sang when she could, then just hummed.

They grew old together - very old. Both of them reached beyond 90 years old and until the end, they sat next to each other in the kitchen sofa, kissing each others cheeks, talking and holding hands. When Helga passed away, Erik sat in front of the chapel crying out loud: "My dear little Helga... My little Helga!" They had then been married for over 70 years.

Whenever I loose fait in love, I think about them; my great grandparents. Now, although my story is very different from theirs, I believe I'm the lead character in another fairytale. We met in a war ridden country in Sudan as a teacher and student, stayed together for a while but was torn apart by circumstances that none of us could influence. For three years, we nearly hated each other, couldn't even be in the same room. But then something happened. Our roads once again met, even though it was completely unlikely, and now that big puzzle is finally filled out with more and more pieces for each day that passes. It's not complete yet, and I doubt if it ever will be, but at least it starts to look like a picture now.

The fairytale is now taking me out of the country, to a place where language is used with passion and the sunset paints the sky with fire. I'm going to begin writing the second chapter of this story there, and where it will take us next, I don't know. What I do know, is that there is no turning back this time. It's already written in stone and for once in my life I feel completely at ease, even happy, to be powerless. To not being able to change the course of events this time is bliss, because I know it will take me to where I should have been all along.