This day is coming to an end. This morning Jamie was drowsier than he has been for the last few days. He has hardly eaten and have been sleeping a lot. When Linda had taken the elder sons to kindergarden and school, she broke. All the strength she had just left her as soon as she got back and there was nothing I could do to put the strength back into her. Mum came, and the four of us went to the hospital, where we made the staff understand that this isn't working anymore. They got a room in the child ward and will most likely stay there until it's time for the MRI on Tuesday. Mum is spending the night with them, and tomorrow I'll take over. I needed a night away, not for selfish reasons but because I need to gather the strength it takes to be the support that she needs and at the same time take care of Jamie. It's not good enough to drive myself to a point when I can't be of any help at all. Better to take a break, breathe, rest and get back with renewed strength.
The medical examination went well. His blood values were better than last time they checked and he had gained weight. The bumb on his back had not changed and he responded well when checking for reflexes and the strength in his legs. All looks good, and we're all keeping our many fingers crossed that the bump is nothing but an enlarged muscle that have compensated for the other side of his back, where the original tumour is. He's been lively and in a good mood all day and neither me nor the hospital staff is particulary worried about him at the moment. The real anxiety and worries lies with Linda. I so wish I could lighten her burden.
Me and mum have take turns in taking care of Jamie and Linda. There's not much you can do, other than stroke her hair, come up with stupid conversations to keep her from thinking too much and get her coffee. I wish there was more. I wish God would show himself and his mercy now. What God would let a child and his mother suffer like this?
You are not alone Linda, and never will be. When you break, we will pick up your pieces, glue them together and take over everything until the glue has dried. We're here for you; me, Sara (you're an amazing friend to Linda and the whole family is greatful for the support you give her) and every other family and friend around you. And you will see, soon all this is over, and you can start living your life again with all three of your boys.