I know what you're all thinking; she's doing it again and now she's just too embarassed to admit it. Well, that may very well be the case, but (and yes, I'm aware that I've said this a number of times before) this time it's different.
In my naïve and romantic attempts of finding happiness I have travelled the world, met some wonderful people and some that weren't that great. I've rushed blindly into adventures, driven by excitement and a steadily beating heart. Most of the times I have failed, but that does not mean that I regret them. God knows that I don't. In fact, I don't see the point in regretting anything at all, except maybe the things that you always wanted to do but never did. All experiences are good ones. Really, in the end they are. They make you who you are, taints the way you live and think and love for the rest of your life. Every person that you meet, good or bad one, is your teacher.
And coming to realize these things, I have also realized what my biggest mistake was. I wanted too much. I wanted so badly to be a good person, to have a good relationship, to have a future with someone, to be free from all worries that every normal person is obviously facing. I wanted these things so bad, that I started to believe that I actually had them. And maybe I did, in my own little world, but once I saw the outside I knew that it had all been an illusion, a dream of happiness that had yet to reach me in reality.
So this time I'm leaving, but on completely different terms. I'm not doing this for anyone else or because I have yet another illusion of love and happiness in my future. No, this time it's the real me who is going. No more facades or hiding behind stupid masks that just vaguely resembles who I am. I'm going as me, and I can only hope that the people I will undoubtly meet there, will accept that only version. And if they don't, well then that's their loss!