Monday, November 2, 2009

Things I've learned about Morocco:


- If someone calls you fat, don't take it as an insult or even something negative, it's simply said as a fact that your body mass is above average, which is not a problem at all.

- Beware of gigantic cockroaches that will try to strangle you in your sleep. Easiest way to get one to sleep with the fishes - and to teach his relatives a lesson - is to run for the kitchen and turn the gass fully on. Then crawl along the floor towards the exit while holding your breath. When two minutes have passed, light a match, throw it in and run for cover. Watch as the sooty remains of the motherfucker curl up in the heat. Don't forget to be fully insured.

- Being on the road (no matter if it's as a pedestrian, in a car, bus, motorbike or anything else that moves on a road) is a matter of life and death. The general rule of driving is to honk whenever there are other vehicles or people around, flash your headlights when you want to take over, no matter if there are oncoming cars in the opposite lane or not. 34 people are killed in traffic every day here.

- Paper work is serious business, and the supposedly simple procedure of getting a birth certificate can take weeks and several visits to a varying amount of offices and authorities. You may be able to half this time if you're willing to be "nice" to the officers, meaning fiving them money under the table,

- The waves of the wild Atlantic is highly recommended for anyone who wants to:

a) feel like a child again
b) drown if you can't swim or are not aware of the strong under currents
c) surf

- Tea is mandatory in every Moroccan houshold and is easy to like and get addicted too.

- Useful words to know in Moroccan Arabic are:

labas -
hello
bkheer - hello/how are you?
hamdlillah - thanks to God (for example "bkeer hamdlillah", meaning "good, thank you"
safi - enough
srakzit kbir - huge cockroach

- Discussing the royal family and the West Sahara is a bad idea unless you want to get in trouble.

- The Moroccan sand is EVIL and sticks to every part of your body unless you're being very firm with it.

- Saying "ksss ksss" in public does not mean that you're calling for a cat, but that you're a prostitute who wants to let other people know that you're open for business.


I expect the list to be longer as time passes and I learn more useful things. I will keep you posted.

1 comment:

Rachid said...

Hahaha!
I'm glad you're starting to learn about your new country ; )