Endless Waiting

Cover of Moby's album "wait for me."

This past couple of months have been nothing but an endless waiting; from important information about a baby with cancer to a decicion from CSN about my student's loan and everything in between. I can be patient about many things, and God knows I have been. But of lately, it's been more and more difficult with all this waiting. Maybe it's because the things are just building up into a sticky pile of foul smelling mud. I'm way too sensitive to anything emotionally or personally stressful at the moment. I feel like I'm walking on shattered glass, flinching every time the phone or door bell rings.

I'm trying to bury my head in the sand and ignore all the irrational emotions disabling me. I do it with my head deep in books or my eyes staring at the screen where some B-movie is playing. I'm trying to think ahead, of all the things I'll be able to do when all this is over, when things are solved, forgotten, left behind. But I have noticed that if I let myself think at all, then the thoughts are automatically drawn in the wrong direction. My head is like a magnet to stress. I take the edge off by drinking camomile tea. I wonder if it's possible to consume too much of it? I hope not.

Well, good news is that CSN called a few days ago saying that if I can get my doctor to add something to the medical certificate (explaining why I couldn't fulfil my studies last semester) then I'll have my money soon. So now I'm waiting for my doctor to send that additional letter to me. Maybe tomorrow. I also got an email from my student councellor saying that I can switch the courses I'm currently on and still be eligible for the bachelor course next semester. That's great news. I registered on a couple of courses within the field of pedagogy and are now waiting to get admitted.

We're hoping to get information from the child hospital in Göteborg today about Jamie's tumour. If it shrunk enough since last cytotoxin treatment, then he will hopefully have his surgery soon. How great would it be to get rid of that small but devastating lump on his back once and for all! It's strange, that something so small can cause so much trouble and pain, not only for the baby but for everyone around him and his family. Child cancer is a mean thing, it tears people's lives up. Please contribute to the research by learning more about the disease, becoming a member or donate to the Child Cancer Fund (Swedish). All this can be done here.

Child Soldier

According to the Cape Town principles, a child soldier is:

"Any person under 18 years of age who is part of any kind of regular or irregular armed force or armed group in any capacity, including but not limited to cooks, porters, messengers, and those accompanying such groups, other than purely as family members. It includes girls recruited for sexual purposes and forced marriage. It does not, therefore, only refer to a child who is carrying or has carried arms."

In Sudan, thousands of child soldiers have been recruited and used by armed forces, government supported militias and armed opposition groups. In January 2005, a deal was made between Sudan People's Liberation Movement (SPLM) and the Sudanese government. The deal, the Comprehensive, Peace Agreement (CPA), or the Naivasha deal, made sure that the parties signing the deal would demobilize all children in their ranks before July 2005. But children are still being used in the conflicts of ignorant adults. They are easily manipulated and used. Even after a long time of abuse and mistreat, they can start to trust you, because they are children. Innocent, white cheats of lives that fill the canvas with whatever the grown ups tell them to put there.

War saddens me, as every injustice in this world. But nothing upsets me more, than the unjust use of poor children - young people that could have a whole bright future ahead of them, if bloodthirsty and vengeful grown ups wouldn't destroy all hope of freedom.

I'm stydying pedagogy at the moment, and will hopefully get my bachelor's degree in June. So I've started to think of what to write as my final paper. For many years I've known that I want to work with those who are less fortunate than me, to make their lives a little bit brighter, and my stay in Sudan confirmed all those thoughts and feelings. So my idea is to write the paper about the effects that education have for those who have been child soldiers, if it contributes to their reintegration into society and if it helps the healing of their souls. I haven't thought of the details yet, but at least it's an idea, or the start of an idea. If you have any suggestions of how to improve the idea, do let me know.