Shadida!

My contract at the DCA is finished so now I'm unemployed again, but at least and at last I managed to bribe the right authority guy so now I'm legally in the country again.

A couple of days after the great New Year's party I was alone in the house while the rest were out on different missions in the field. And while I was asleep, somebody broke into the house and stole money and jewelries from the room next door (Björn and Alessandra's room). What made it even more complicated is that the thief "broke in" using a key and since me and the cleaning lady were the only ones in Khartoum with keys to the house, the cleaning lady was picked up by the police. She's a refugee from Eritrea and has no work permit, so even if she wasn't the one doing it, she's in no good situation right now. But she's not the only one in a bad situation (even though mine can't even remotely be compared to hers). Now one of the house hold members, my friend, think that I had something to do with it and don't trust me at all. She says I'm immature and bla bla bla, so now I decided to leave the house. I guess that's what can happen when you think you have a friend. What's more, because of all this, I think I lost my good friend Björn too. I will cincerely miss him.

The positive thing is that Björn came back from Sweden with two bags of goodies for me. Dad had bought me some veggie stuff, salty licorice and the whole family had written a little something for me in a notebook on christmas eve. Oskar drew me a picture, Sara wrote an adorable ketter and mum had printed some photos (and thanks for the condoms with tuti fruti flavour... do people actually use those??).

And guess what! On the 12th of January I got a(nother) baby brother. Good job mum! I vote for Anton.

A couple of days into the new year I gathered some friends and went cruising on the Nile and it was totally amazing! We went past small villages with mud cottages and children playing in the water. We ankered by a small green island where we had picnic and I had my very first swim in the mighty Nile. On our way bak we saw the famous African sun set behind Khartoum city skyline and you know what, it was beautiful! The only time during night or day that you can say that this city is beautiful is just then, when the birds lift and the sky turns orange.

I've never not liked it in Khartoum, but now I'm actually starting to like the city for real. I realized that as soon as you learn how to live like a local, you will start to like it so much better. That means to forget what stress and pressure is, not think of luxuries as having something to do at night instead of sitting and drinking sweet tea with mint and smoking sheesha.

Yesterday I went with a collegue to his aunt where half of his family and relatives were gathering. I've picked up enough arabic to understand that they thought of me and my collegue as engaged, that I had passed the test into the family by the aunt herself and that I was very beautiful. And not just that, the collegue also expressed to me that he actually did want to marry me. So for the first time in my life I've been proposed to. That was fun. But don't worry, I'm not planning to accept (unless they can offer me a HUGE bridal gift ; )

Nickname of the week: Meme, by Khalid

Song stuck in my head: Habibiiii, habibiiii, habibi ya nour el ayeeeeen! Very annoying.

The most common things people call me in the street: 1) khawajia (vit kvinna), 2) shadida (fin/vacker), 3)helooooo, 4) How arrrrr yooooooo?, 5) aj lavvv joooooo!, 6) what's your nationality?

A little sad because: Things never turn out the way you planned.

A little happy because: Things never turn out the way you planned.

Latest cliché: "Your face is like a moon", apparently meaning something great here. Like, you have a round face, and round faces in Sudan is good. And big butts.

There are Solutions to Most Problems!

The day before Christmas Eve I went with Alessandra, Silvia and Charlotte to Meroe and the pyramids to celebrate our christmas in the desert. I thought I would miss Sweden, but I didn't, at least not much, and we had a fantastic weekend exploring the pyramids, running barefoot in the sand dunes and riding camels. On the 24th Haidar and Annelise joined us with blinking santa hats and lime. Christmas eve was celebrated on the terasse overlooking the pyramids, with wine and crisps and dance. After having spoken to the whole family, and half of my relatives, my christmas was perfect, if not a bit unusual.

We also visited the town of Shendi (where we were recieved as queens), Musawwarat (ruins from the Kushit period), Naqa (more ruins) and the 6th cataract of the Nile (wonderful small place, but incredibly pain in the ass with assaulting locals from everywhere that wanted to help us with this or that and get money for it).

This is the country that has been called hell on earth. Here is todays worst humanitarian catasroph according to the UN. Thousands are dying every day of starvation, malaria, yellow fever, lack of fluid and dhiorrea. It's ugly and hot and dirty. I'm never clean, no matter how often I shower. My money are disappearing, so is my work contract. But I want to stay. I have wonderful friends here that take care of me when it's storming too much. I feel like a baby sister in the family and they want me to stay. Everything back in Sweden will still be there in a few months, so I feel that I'm in no hurry to get home just yet. My time here in Sudan is something that I have to take care of, for me and for my future. I know that it's not good to run away from your problems forever, but I feel that I've already come so far. I have learned things about myself that I didn't know before. I can take care of myself. I'm even pretty happy, after all.

But enough about feelings and boring stuff. Me, Charlotte and Alberto among others are going to a pool party in the Dutch Embassy. There are rumours saying that the police has gotten instructions of storming all parties on new year, even those with foreigners, so I believe it's best to stick to the diplomat parties (no matter how boring that sounds).

I've been a bit sick lately, with some mysterious infection in my blood. I'm on my second round of antibiotics now, and I feel a bit better now even though I'm still tired. I'm just happy that I haven't gotten malaria yet, which is some miracle considering that I'm bad at spraying myself and always comes home with 20 mosquito bites at night. Maybe it's just the kind mosquitoes that likes me?

Pssst. I braided my hair. So if the Sudanis didn't love me before, they definitely do now! Everyone want to touch it, points at my hair and my nose ring and call me "Sudani! Sudani!". And I smile and reply: "Aywa, khawajia sudani!" and then they laugh like crazy and loves me even more ; ) The man inte the internet café has told his whole family about me and is literally demanding a photo of me so that he can show his nieces. The alternative is to go with him home and say hi to his wife and kids. I don't know though... it feels like I have enough sudanese friends at the moment. My hands are full all the time, always something to do, someone to meet!

Quotation of the week: "Coffee machines are sexual objects." Silvia about the capuccino machine.

Latest purchase: Microphone to my MD. A yellow maxi skirt. A knife.

Annoyances: The lack of money, that my card reader to the camera is broken, boys and the future.

Newest aquintances: My collegue Khalid and his friend Hani (isn't that a cute name?!).

Soon: 1)I'll get a new sibling! 2)I will get my package from Sweden, whenever Mr. Björn decides to come back to wonderful Khartoum. 3)The chaos will be GONE! 4)I want to get out in the field. Rather Juba!

Funniest: When Alessandra's camel started to run and she was jumping up and down, new internal jokes from the desert, to whisper to Sudanese friends that "that woman" (pointing at a friend) "is not married!", that an aid worker in Somalia got eaten by a crocodile.


Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Sudanese Christmas

Is it really christmas? It's had to even imagine cold here in Sudan. Sure, it's winter here too, but not exactily anything compared to the Swedish one.

The week has been calm. I've been in the office and started my English course for the local staff. I guess it's going pretty well considering I have no experiencing in how to plan and set up classes for grown ups. Maybe I'm simply a natural! ; ) My boss was actually very impressed when he glanced through my notes, so I suppose I should be happy with that.

For those of you who are still worried about the situation here: everything is fine and it seems like things have calmed down. I don't even think they're bugging my phone anymore. So, don't worry - be happy!

I don't have anything special planned for christmas. I had a thought of traveling abroad, but I don't have anough money for that at the moment. So instead me, Alessandra, her sister SIlvia and Charlott will go for a two day trip to the pyramids in Meroe. So while you're sitting and watching Disney shown on Christmas Eve, I'll probably be gazing at the African sunset behind the old Kushit capital, or maybe I'm on a camel back, flying through the sand dunes of Sahara.

Chaos, Persecution and Mine Clearance

This past week has been eventful, to say the least. I'll try to make a very long story short. Let's start from last Wednesday:

Wednesday
Woke up and was ill, fever and pain everywhere. I stayed in bed until my employer's daughter got home from school, helped her with homework and waited for the employer to come home. Things have been tense between us lately. We have different thoughts and ideas about things that are important to agree on when you have a more or less depressed 14 year old to take care of. He's focusing on her school results while I try to make her feel better. I have been the only one she talks about everything to and we have gotten very close, which has lead to that her father has gotten jealous (my own choice of word).

So, he got home and first asked if I had had any problems with the police or military. I said no, because I hadn't. Then he asked if I had been persecuted, threatened or assaulted. Then I said no too, because I haven't. He then said that the security police (the men in light blue military uniforms, kalashnikows and evil looks that do what they want with whoever they want) had been to the office and asked things about me, who I am, what I'm doing here and so on. If I hadn't been under the protection of the Red Cross they would guaranteedly bring me in, but since the organization has some kind of immunity, they didn't.

They know who I am, where I go during the days and who I'm hanging out with. I have no idea why they're interested in me. Maybe because I have Sudanese friends (and Sudanese people shouldn't mix with westerners, for God knows what kinda ideas they would get then!) or because I've said something they don't like in the street. Somebody calmed me down and said that they seem to do some random check up on all foreigners, but it's scary anyways. I have the Sudanese version of the KGB tailing me! But on the other hand, maybe I should feel honored. I mean... how many of you have been trailed and bugged in a police state? ; )

After that conversation I got fired. He said that things doesn't work out, which he was absolutely right about, but i regret that I didn't have the time to say "I quit!" before he did. I packed my stuff, got picked up by Haidar and moved over to La Familia. And there I was alone (everyone else in the house was out in the field), without money, no valid visa, no work permit, no stay permit and no work. I wanted to stay, but the only things I had was fever and a ticket to Stockholm. What shall Maria do now?!


Thursday
I got my thumb out and made a last huge effort, polished my CV and pride and went to the DCA (Danish Church Aid) where, thanks to my dear Lennart, had some contacts that I've previously been too proud to contact. I didn't want to get a job with help from someone from home, but there I was. I met John Shearer, that had to act like my therapist for a while. He contacted the organizations PM who was currently in Nuba but agreed to meet me the next night before he left to someplace else.

I was still a little ill and got a gum inflammation which kept me alert the whole time (thanks for that) and decided that a couple of beers would probably heal me, so again, I went to a UN-party.


Friday
Went to DCA to meet the PM, Bob, who (halleluljah!) offered me a short term payed job in the office while the English speaking personell were out of country for christmas. He also asked me to think of if I would be interested in going on Mine Clearence Training. And I was like "OH MY GOOOD! OF COURCE!". I mean, it can't be much more humanitarian to clear mines?


Saturday
The tooth kept me awake whole night and when morning came i was grumpy and tired, got dumped (well almost) for the first time in my life and took a raksha home to continue being grumpy. I slept a few hours before Björn finally got home from Zanzibar. One more hour without releasing my hysteria and I had... uhm... probably have done something bad.


And now?
Well, I have a room in the house with La Famila, I can afford to pay for it and work for at least another month. My gum is slowly healing, but instead I suspect that I've got a throat infection.
Today I went to the DCA and I'm now waiting for the big OK from Copenhagen so that I can start working. I will not have much to do in the office really. My main task is to teach English to the local staff and help with whatever office duties there is.

Right now everything is a bit crazy and I have mixed feelings about everything. I'm happy that i got the job and can stay for a while longer.

Maria - The World 1-0

I'm a wild one! The two past weeks has been party, party and party. That's not why I came to Sudan! But what to do when there is nothing else to do? I'm starting to get sick of this thing with the job with AHA and Swera. They say they're still negotiating about my possible future employment, but if I haven't heard anything else about it in a week, then I'll start looking for something else. I just can't wait for too long. I'm thinking of going to Darfur or Juba in January or something like that if I can't find a payed job in Khartoum. I'd rather stay here and travel around a bit, but I'm prepared to take almost anything. One thing's for sure, I will not leave Sudan until I've had a job for at least a couple of months, so if you miss me you can always contact everyone you know in Khartoum and say that there is a really pretty, nice and competent Swedish girl who is just HUNGERING for new challenges! ; )

A few nights ago I was standing out in the street waiting for a raksha, when a taxi stopped and started to talk to me. I was too tired to care, but the more I think about it now, the more angry I get. I'm not married, but I've found it convenient to tell people that I am since most men respect a married woman more than if she's single. The conversation went something like this:

Taxi Driver: Hello, where are you going?
Me: To see friends
Taxi Driver: Okay, get in
He unlocks the door
Me: Thanks but I’m waiting for my friends
Taxi Driver: When are they coming?
Me: Any minute
Taxi Driver: I want to be your friend
Me: Thanks, but I’ve got enough friends
Taxi Driver: But you wouldn`t regret it!
Me: I’m sure, but no thanks
Taxi Driver: But why?
Me: Because I get these requests ten times every day by different guys
Taxi Driver: Really?!
Me: Yes
Taxi Driver: But I’m not like the other guys!
Me: Yeah, that’s what they always say
Taxi Driver: So are you going to see your boyfriend?
Me: No, I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m married.
Taxi Driver: No you’re not
Me: Yes I am. My husband lives right over there
Points
Taxi Driver: Oh, but white women have many boyfriends even if they’re married
Me: Uhm… no…
Taxi Driver: Yes, I’ve seen it in the movies!
Me: Well, movies don’t always represent the reality.
Taxi Driver: Really???
And now he's genuinelly surprised
Me: Yes, really
Taxi Driver: But at parties you kiss other men!
Me: No…
Taxi Driver: No?
Me: No
Taxi Driver: Oh.. so if you’re married…
Me: …you stick to your husband
Taxi Driver: But you’re not married
Me: Yes I am, he lives right over there
Taxi Driver: Why are you not with him?
Me: Because I’m going to see friends
Taxi Driver: Boyfriends?
Me: No, I said I’m married
Taxi Driver: Oh
Me: Yeah, oh
Taxi Driver: Do you have kids?
Me: No, not yet
Taxi Driver: Not yet.. are you newly married?
Me: Yes
Taxi Driver: Ok… good bye
Me: Bye

And that was of course not the first time that I heard about Sudanese people's ideas about western women. In their eyes we are easy and will have sex with anyone, anytime, with or withou boyfriend/husband. But to have it thrown into my face like that and that he actually expected me to get into the car with him was just too much. Apparently there has been a little bit too many assault on western women in my area lately, mugging and rapes (which I nicely had to experience myself last week when three men blocked my way and started to get violent before I managed to slap one of them and get away from there). From now on, I'm not walking alone after midnight.

And Suddenly...

...Everything feels a little bit better! I've started to settle, once again. Things are going a bit better with my employer (but I still plan to leave the house as soon as I get a payed job) and thanks to the upcoming winter I don't die from heast exhaustion as soon as I leave the house.

And hey, I think I've managed to leave many problems behind me and be able to concentrate more on my life and my mission (saving the world and all that). I'm fine again so don't worry. I'm having a great time!

Last Thursday I drove a car in Khartoum for the first time and that was an experience I will not soon forgegt. In Sweden we have trafic rules, as in most other countries. But not in Sudan. The only rule they apply here is to honk and drive and hope for the best. Luckily there wasn't too much trafic on my virgin trip so me and my passengers made it out unharmed. We got to a big party in Khartoum II where we mingled for a while before the police came and stormed the place, took all the alcohol that was left (pleased with that I can only pressume...) and turned the music off. For a while we were locked in since the police were looking for any Sudanese, but nothing serious happened. The police usually leave foreigners out of it because they don't want to get mixed up in international business, but a Sudanese who gets caught with alcohol can probably look forward to a couple of nights in a not so nice prison. Luckily, my Sudanese friends made it out unharmed.

Me and Alberto were supposed to go to the pyramids last Friday, but that never happened. So instead, me, him and Alessandra went to Omdurman (the old Mahdi capital) to have a look at the whirling dervishes. Every Friday they gather in their mosque and leave from there to a big field where they play drums and recite "la illaha ilallah" (there is no God but God) until they reach trance. This trance is supposed to open up a your heart so that you can have direct contact with God. Some people flip out completely and whirls around and around and around until they almost fall down. Unlike most muslims, the sufi's are dressed in clear red, green and yellow, plus that most of them are wearing dreadlocks, which made me feel like being in some kind of rastafari festival where everyone was flying high. Since it was the first Friday of Ramadan, we were honored to see the sufi leader of Sudan at the gathering. He was a fun man dressed in a clownish hat in bright colours and bells.

We had our first inoficiall feminist meeting, which was interesting. We will have help from a juridics student and a gender professor, among others. Our first goal is to talk to a couple of the more liberal imams and ask them preach equality in the mosque. A sudanese man will take this on. I doubt that an imam would even talk about feminism/equality with a khawajia. Instead we will do it nice and easilly and promote everything that's about equality in the quran.

Except this, not much else has happened. Have mostly been hanging out with Alberto, drunk sweet tea with mint and smoked sheesha.

Eid Mubarak!

So, there's been some problems lately. I got some problems with my employer and have started to look for another job. Swera finally contacted me again and now I'm their volunteer liaison officer, but will probably be employed by AHA since Swera doesn't have any status in Sudan yet. AHA wanted me to come to Darfur with them, but I don't have that much freedom in the family where I love now and I doubt if my present employer would agree.

Ramadan is finally over and now people have started to eat and drink and do everything else "forbidden" again. Now is eid however, Sudan's mostly celebrated holiday, with parties and family gatherings and all happiness. A little bit like christmas really.

Björn, Alessandra, me and Alberto

I've been to a couple of souqs, a barbeque party and hung out with Björn, Alessandra and Alberto. Today we went to Souq Omdurman and tried to find Alberto a cheap bike, but it was too expensive. Instead we went to Mograin Family Park where it was crowded with eid-celebrating people. We enjoyed watching people and then went back home.

I've been missing Sweden a lot lately, probably because of all the shit going on with my employer and all. A couple of days I was really close to rebook my flight ticket and come back home, but I luckily changed my mind. I mean... what do I have to do in Sweden in the middle of winter when i can be in Africa, get experiences, hang out with loads of wonderful and interesting people and "enjoy" the killing rays of the sun. So, even though things feel like crap at the moment, I believe I will stay for a while longer. Especially if I get that job with the AHA.

The ghosts in the house has stopped harassing me. They're still there, but the poking has stopped. Maybe my craziness is going away : )