A Bloody Red Saga

Our Story Published

2012-02-14T21:03:00.000Z

A couple of weeks ago a journalist contacted us and asked if we would be interested in getting interviewed and photographed for their Valentine's Day special. I thought it would be a short article in some insertion that few people would read and NOT that my double chin would be front page material!

Anyways, our story was beautifully put together and the photos were ok (I rarely admit that about photos of myself) and I can't think of a nicer contribution to our life and love today. Read the article here in Swedish if you're interested!

How Everything Changed

2012-02-01T12:45:00.004Z

On November 27th, our beautiful son was born. It was without a doubt the biggest, life altering happening of my life. You can pretend and keep telling yourself that you're aware and prepared for what is to come, but it's not until the moment when you have that tiny, slimy person on your chest that you understand exactily how much everything has changed - just like that.

Gone are the days of worrying about yourself and gone are the nights of good sleep. All replaced by this enormous, undescribable joy and love for the fragile person that you helped give life to. Suddenly you're no longer just you, you're now a parent; completely and fully responsible for the safety and wellbeing of another person; a person that will (hopefully) love you unconditionally and put all his faith and trust in you. You're supposed to be that person that knows everything, can solve any problem and lead you in the right direction. It's not an easy task and certainly not something to take lightly.

The delivery was no an easy one and I wish I could say that it was the most wonderful experience in my life, like so many mothers seem to do. But (without revealing too scary details) after hours of excrutionating pain, the doctor finally decided to help out by using a vacuum extractor while 2-3 nurses were so kind and pressed my belly since the baby's heart started to slow down. A few minutes later a beautiful boy was born. I remember I had to ask "is that my son?" to understand that it was finally over.

Two months later I finally find the time and ability to focus enough to write this down. My son (I still find it strange and wierd to write/say "my son") is sleeping in my arms and my wonderful husband is cooking up some Sudanese fish dish in the kitchen. It's amazing to have your own family. Still hard to believe, but amazing.

My son. He is the love of my life and my greatest accomplishment. I'll give everything I have and more to make sure he always feels loved and safe.

Pregnant - Week 27

2011-08-24T18:27:00.002Z


Week 26+2

Lacking the strength and committment to write about more serious matters, I thought I'd take a break and give a short update about the coming baby. I'm now 27 full weeks pregnant (or pregnant in week 28 as we say here in Sweden) and "The Bean" is growing and kicking along as it should. People that see me now think that I'll give birth in a month or so, or that I'm actually carrying twins. There's still only one little creature in there though, which is due on November 22nd.

After having a couple of months of feeling pretty much fabulous, other pregnancy signs have started to appear lately. I'm experiencing pretty bad pelvic pains (could be a blocked sciatic nerve too) when I've been standing up for a long time or walking a lot, which makes it impossible to walk like a normal human being, or even get out of bed sometimes. It feels like a giant needle very suddenly stabbing my buttocks which causes my leg to fold and me to loose balance (and let out a row of not so flattering curses). So far I've been lucky to have something to grab each time it's happened. The charming stomach acids have returned with all its might too.

My thyroid gland is overproducing a bit, so I'll be back at maternity centre in a couple of weeks for more tests. Since I'm already diagnozed with Hashimoto's Disease, it's probably a good idea to keep checking it once in a while.

I'm still working and enjoy it like no other work I've had before. I'm actually looking forward to each spell of work. I really hope that I'll be able to work for yet another few weeks before the baby is due, and even more that I can continue once I've been home on maternity leave for a few months. I feel really lucky and privileged to be in this line of work and wouldn't mind one bit to continue for a long time.

The picture is taken last week.

Anders Behring Breivik - Profile

2011-07-23T15:55:00.019+01:00

Anders Behring Breivik

[Continuously updated]

The man arrested for the bomb and shooting that have so far claimed 93 lives (a number which i likely to rise) in Oslo and Utøya, Norway, is called Anders Behring Breivik. At least another 97 got injured. The name started to circle on social medias before it was announced in traditional media. Today the name is among the top searches on internet and a hot topic around the world. The shooting of young people in Utøya is said to be the worst in modern history during peace. The police are currently looking into leads about a second shooter, but for now, lets have a quick glance at Behring Breivik without analyzing too much:

Name: Anders Behring Breivik

Age: 32

Nationality: Norwegian

Religious beliefs: Christian

Political views: Conservative and possible connections with the extreme right wing. Calls himself a "nationalist." Been a member of the xenophobic Fremskrittspartiet (FRP). He became a member in 1999 and was also active in FRP's youth group (FPU) 1997-2007. He hated muslims, the political left and the social democratic youth association.

Education: Oslo Upper Secondary School of Business (own translation of Oslo Handelsgymnasium).

Work life: Communicator at Telia callcentre in 1999-2003, started his own company in 2005 with focus on data processing, data storage and adjacent services before it was disolved in 2008. In 2009 he started Breivik Geofarm in Rena, which were growing vegetables, melons and root vegetables.

Other connections: A member of the Johannes Lodge Søilene which is a part of the Freemason Lodge. He claims to have joined a secret underground group, PCCTS, Knights Templar, in 2002. The network is supposedly a sequel to the Knight's Templar, an order that was created to protect crusaders during the 1100's. He claims to have worked purposefully in order to begin the war against what he calls the cultural-marxist elite in Europe. It's unclear if the organisation really exists or if it's a made up story which Behring Breivik explains could be the case since he "can't reveal sensitive information."

Weapons: An automatic and a Glock gun are registered in his name. On May 4th he purchased six tons of artificial fertilizer which is suspected to be used as the bomb. Three tons remains on his farm.

Hobbies: Hunting and body building according to his Facebook profile.

Have been described as: Polite, calm and dutiful, service minded and gave no impression of having bad thoughts about any of his co-workers, says a former colleague at the calling centre at Telia - a telephone company. Neighbors describes him as a person that keeps to himself a lot. Behring Breivik's father hasn't seen his son since 1995 and was shocked to hear about the news through media. He said that he didn't notice any tendencies to this kind of violence when the boy was 15-16 years old and claims he was a "normal boy." Neither his mother suspected his son to be capable to such a thing, and a friend of her says that she was very proud of her son.

On Twitter: Behring Breivik started an account on Twitter just days before the attacks where he has one quote posted by the British filosopher and social liberal John Stuart Mill: One person with a belief is equal to the force of 100 000 who have only interests.

On Facebook: Had an account for several years where he posted extreme right wing views. The page was deleted and replaced by a new one a few days ago where he mostly had been posting music videos. Medias are speculating about the intentions of the latest profile - that it was Behring Brevik's way to warn about the upcoming attacks and to create himself an image with photos (that looks a lot like press photos) that he would like the world to see after the attacks. His latest Facebook profile has now been closed.

Views expressed: Behring Breivik has been active on the right wing forum Document.no where he has posted several texts which are controversial and critical against Islam. He calls himself a "nationalist." Read all his posts on document.no here. His posts on the forum contains personal views of the political environment, certain public figures in Norway, marxists and islamists. He was a member of a Swedish neo-Nizi forum called Nordisk, according to Expo, a Swedish group monitoring far-right activity.

The manifest: A 1500 pages manifest called ”2083 - A European declaration of independence” was released shortly before the attacks. The manifest is published online under the name Andrew Berwick, which is believed to be a pseudonym of Behring Breivik himself, who has also admitted to be the writer. The text contains a diary, starting in 2002, explaining how he got hold of the explosives and guns and planned his deeds as well as an explanation of how Europe will get rid of Muslims. The number 2083 in the title of the document is supposed to be a date that he believes an European war will end the execution of cultural Marxists and the deportation of Muslims. The "civil war" that he talks about would come in three phases: the first runs through 2030 and includes "open source warfare, military shock attacks by clandestine cell systems (and) further consolidation of conservative forces." The second, between 2030 and 2070 is a call for "more advanced forms of resistance groups (and the) preparation of pan-European coup d'etats" and the third and final stage features the deposition of Europe's leaders and "implementation of a cultural conservative political agenda." Parts of the document is a direct copy of the American terrorist Ted Kaczinski's, the Una-bomber's, manifest. In the end of the manifest are pictures of Behring Breivik with guns and the words "I believe this will be my last entry. It is now Fri July 22nd, 12.51." A YouTube video about the manifest has also been released (but continues to be deleted and can also be found here or here).

How the attacks were planned: In his manifest, Behring Breivik explains in detail how he prepared himself for everything during nine years. He sold off belongings to be able to afford bomb materials and the rent of the farm where the bombs were built and where he could plan everything in peace and quiet. He built up his body with anabola steroids and was a little concerned about how his liver would be affected but was happy about his "perfect body" and explains how he was happier than ever. He started to distance himself from friends and other people that could nose around, like neighbors and curious tourists that wanted to take pictures of his farm. In the middle of June this year, he made a test explosion of a bomb in an isolated place, which he declared a success and quickly drove from the area to avoid unwanted attention. He claimes to have carried out the attacks alone.

Motives: During police interrogation, Behring Breivik explains how he wanted to change the politics in Norway through violence. The shooting of over 80 youths in Utøya was supposed to be a warning about an approaching doomsday if the political party didn't change it's politics. He wanted to harm the party and the recruitment as much as possible and called the Labour Party people marxists. He also seems to believe that Muslims are trying to "colonise" Western Europe and that multiculturalism and cultural marxism are to blame for this.

VG
DN
Aftenposten
The Guardian
Expressen

Oslo Attacks - Interview

2011-07-22T20:51:00.000+01:00

Here's a quick translation of the personal experiences by Mirjam Liu, who lives in Oslo. Thankfully she wasn't around the two areas when the attacks happened:

"I wasn't close to either the explosion or Utøya. I was on the bus and my mother called me a few minutes after it happened. She and the rest of my family was several kilometers north of central Oslo and heard the bang and wanted to make sure that I was ok.

I reacted with disbelief and wondered if it was an accident or a bomb. I probably didn't realize how extensive theexplosion was and thought that it was probably a small thing until I saw it on the news. I'm still in a bit of a shock and it hasn't sunk in how extreme and tragical all of this is. I was also very scared for my own part since the explosion happened in an area where I spend a lot of time. It was just a coinsidence that I wasn't in the area when it happened.

I haven't been out among people after it happened but I got the impression of (both from what I see on the news and Facebook) that people are handling it relatively well. People are shocked and in disbelief, but in good spirits. Those who had the possibility to watch the news quickly got information from the police to move away from the city centre, avoid larger crowds, go home and stay there.

I got the impression that the authorities are handling this hard-to-grasp and difficult situation well. They are keeping the people updated about the situation as well as they can, but I got the impression that it's difficult to get a clear outline. Like I said, I haven't been in the concerned areas and the impressions I have are from the news and TV.

I think that Norway is a target of terrorism because of our participation in different conflicts in other countries like Libya and Afghanistan."

My sincere thanks to Mirjam for sharing her experiences. More information and personal stories from the attacks are greatly appreciated. Are you in Oslo? Leave a comment or email me. More stories and updates to come on the blog.

Oslo Attacks

2011-07-22T18:35:00.006+01:00

The destruction on Akersgate, Oslo

Late this afternoon, a bomb hit a government building in Akersgate in Oslo, Norway, killing at least seven people and another two are badly wounded. Later a man who was said to be dressed as a police officer started shooting at a Labour Party youth camp in Utøya outside of the capital, at least four people are said to have been killed and one person is reported to have been arrested. Eyewitnesses claim to have seen 20-25 dead bodies on the island. Noone has yet taken responsibility for the attacks but BBC's diplomatic correspondent says that "the fact a government building was targeted makes one think this could be connected with government decisions on Afghanistan or Libya."

The two attacks are believed to be connected, the Norwegian police says.

In Sweden, the police and security police (SÄPO) have sharpened their surveillance around important buildings in the capital Stockholm after the Oslo bombings. The grade of threat remains the same (which is hightened) as it's been since October last year but Sweden is following the development in its neighboring country closely.

What happened is horrible and deeply concerning, as with any attack against civilians. Akersgate is a busy street in central Oslo, especially on a Friday afternoon. The Labour Party camp is intended for youths and around 700 people were attending it, most teenagers. My heart and thoughts goes out to our friends in Norway and I pray that none of my own friends in Oslo are among the dead or injured.

DN writes about the shooting in Utøya (in Swedish)
SVD and DN has pictures from the bombing in Akersgate
BBC News allows you to follow the events live
Reuters has a list of likely suspected groups

Update 23:50: Deputy Oslo police chief Sveining Sponheim tells reporters the man under arrest is 32 and "ethnic Norwegian" and has never worked with the police. The Norwegian national under arrest is believed to be responsible for both attacks. The motive behind the attacks are still unclear.

Are you in Oslo? I would like to get in touch with you to ask some questions about personal experiences. Write me a comment or email me. Thanks!

The Prize Package

2011-07-20T19:20:00.000+01:00

Last week I won 1st prize in a rhyming competition on BarnNet and yesterday this pretty little package arrived with DHL! All clothes (and the blankets) are organic and comes from MyKidoo. Perfect!

When Luck Strikes

2011-07-17T15:47:00.000+01:00

I'm certainly not one of the lucky ones and have experienced more setbacks than success in my life, but to others in bad situations I have always told them that finally things will go your way (and fully believing it except for my own situation). But as a rare occation, I finally experienced it myself. In two days I got a wonderful job, a great apartment in a nice area and I won 1st prize in a rhyming (!) competition with the prize of ecological baby clothes and toys worth 2000 SEK. None of it could have come at a more perfect time.

The constant nausea, throwing up and migraines have finally subsided although they're still far from gone, but that's what's to be expected. The baby is kicking along and my belly is growing by the day it seems. All that's left now is for my husband to return to Sweden so that he won't miss all of this. I know that there is a risk of him not being here in time for the birth, but I have to stay optimistic, for all three of us. I've planned for others to be there for me, just in case, but there's no point in getting myself stressed up by thinking negative and I still keep my hopes up that everything will be alright in the end and that the baby will have both his/her parents there when it sees the world for the first time.

Yesterday I went to see my two best friends that also happen to be pregnant and due around the same time as myself. We haven't had the oportunity to hang out much for the past few years for different reasons and it feels great to be settled in Sweden and have those two fantastic women to share all the worries and hopes with. Not many people are lucky enough to have their best friends being pregnant at the same time!

I can't move in to the apartment until October 1st, but that will give me some time to sort out the things that are left to be sorted, concentrate on my new job, the baby, my friends and everything in between. And once I've moved in, I'll just have a short walk from Linda, my aunt but sister and closest friend, the one I call when I'm sad and the one that always makes me feel like everything's going to be ok. And see, this time she was right!

Oh, and I'll return to my usual blogging about travelling, saving the world and what not, but for the next few months it will be layered with more personal posts. I hope that's ok.

Intercultural Relationships

2011-07-09T17:04:00.000+01:00

©redsaga

My hope is for us to come together not only embracing shared beliefs and values, but acknowledging our differences in ways that promote respect and appreciation. To ask for a shared vision is a fair and legitimate human proposal; what is not fair and legitimate is to dictate the ways on how we get there. If we are to emerge from the long shadows that can engulf us, we must talk with each other, come to understand each other, and renew ourselves and our perceptions of each other.

- Alma Abdul-Hadi Jadallah

You can live your life telling yourself that you choose your own path, that as long as you work for it you will end up with your dream job, the perfect social life and the perfect partner, but when love strikes (and I don't mean the high school crush, holiday flirts or rebound guys but that one that throws you off balance and compromises your breathing), the choices you've made so far matters little. You can live your life thinking that you're a rational person that would avoid difficulties in order to gain something easier, but when you find yourself eye to eye with that one person, rationality won't matter much. So maybe you one day find yourself in love with the seemingly impossible: a man or a woman from a different culture, with a different background and beliefs, with a different skin color, different values, opinions and thoughts. Then what? Do you walk away from it, hoping to find someone that would be easier to live with or do you cautiostly walk into it with the hopes of being able to overcome the differences?

First of all, cross cultural relationships all depend on the individuals involved and not their backgrounds. It all has to do with how open minded you are, your communication skills (which is mandatory and explained below), expectations, ability to compromise, knowledge and motivations. You can come from two completely different cultures, with different religions and political views, but what it comes down to is the personal traits and if these can be combined - i.e. all the issues that every relationship has to deal with.

Knowledge

Making an intercultural relationship works demands knowledge about each other's cultures, countries, religion and backgrounds. The best way if of course to talk to each other about it, ask every question you have no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Be curious and interested and show it by doing your own research; read books, listen to music and watch movies from the country or region, get in touch with others from the same culture and follow the news. This way you're likely to find out things about your partner's background and history that he/she didn't even know, things that slipped his/her mind during school or that he/she has been too uniterested to find out. The history and culture of one's own country is usually more uninteresting than other cultures, so by learning and discussing your findings can be a great way of both showing your interest and makes a good topic of discussion. Make sure to embrace what you learn; you may not like the music the first few times you hear it, or histories of war and unjustice may make you judgemental of the people that experienced it - but with an open mind it will not only give you new knowledge but also get a better understanding of your partner.

Motivation

Keep a positive attitude towards the other culture, no matter of the things that you don't agree with or don't like about it. There's always wonderful things to learn and experience while getting to know another culture so it's important to appreciate the differences and be empathic. One thing that has helped me to overcome less attractive attributes in cultures is to simply see it as "exotic." That may seem biased, but it gives a different ground to stand on and a tool to use when understanding or appreciation fails you.

Skills

Actress Mae West once said that "I speak two languages, Body and English" which is a skill that is put well to use when communication is a problem. Even though you may speak the same languages you will most likely have different ways of using it. Irony is for example not used or understood in all cultures and the same goes for jokes that can be easily misunderstood and lead to unnecessary arguments if you don't understand the background of the joke. Your social skills will be different; in one culture it may be just fine to call someone fat without meaning anything negative about it, but in others it's a bad insult. Take your time and leard each other's social skills. You'll likely find out about these in time anyways, but it can be done the hard way or by communication. Don't take for granted that your partner can read your expressions and the words said in between the lines: keep it as simple and clear as possible. Don't play mind games and keep a dictionary close at hand when the communication doesn't go your way.

Every relationship has obstacles and problems to overcome; everyone are different to matter if you share the same culture or not. However, intercultural relationships presents its very own set of issues that will have to be dealt with, rather sooner than later in order to know if this will work for you or not. The differences between you can be an adventure and open your eyes and heart for a better understanding of life and the world (big words, I know). That said, it's not always easy and sometimes the differences are just too much. Maybe you will have problems with each other's families, maybe you won't be accepted into the new culture or maybe your religious beliefs don't accept compromises. But as I see it, everything can be overcome with patience, sincerity and motivation. Sometimes you just have to let go of some of your own principles if you want the relationship to work out in the long run. It all depends on how much you value each other and what your priorities are. As with any relationship; you can never expect to change the other person. If you do that, you're most likely doomed to fail. Instead, see the differences and accept them, and equally important; don't forget all the similarities and use them as a bridge to overcome the obstacles facing you.

You'll face prejudices and words of doom from your surrounding so meet them with a smile and let them be a part of your own learning experience. An intercultural relationship doesn't only affect the couple, but also everyone around them. If you have to meet comments, make sure to preach understanding and respect. After all, it's in our every day life that we can save the world from racism, injustice and biases so you might as well start with yourself and the people around you. Soon enough the words will spread:

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren,
and to do good is my religion.
-Thomas Paine

Sudan Splitting in Two

2011-07-07T15:28:00.001+01:00

Map from the Guardian

It is what it is and that's how it's gonna be.

With Sudan splitting in two on July 9th 2011, the two new countries; Sudan and South Sudan, faces many challenges. During a referendum on January 9-15th, 99% of the southerners voted in favor of separation, which came of no surprise. After 50 years of struggle and a decade of strains towards international diplomacy, the day finally arrived when it became clear that the south will be independent from the north. But everything's not all jolly good, as the two new states will be faced with a complete new set of challenges to make it work. The Republic of South Sudan will of course have to deal with every practicality that's involved in creating a new state, but Sudan will be equally vulnerable for many reasons.

Sudan challenges:

Khartoum will have to do without the south's rich oil reserves
The continuation of the fighting in Darfur will not be solved with the splitting of the country and will still be the responsibililty of the Sudanese government
New conflicts in Southern Kordofan and likely elsewhere will have to be dealt with
The identity of Sudan will be affected as it can no longer take pride in being the biggest country in Africa
President Omar al-Bashir is accused by the International Criminal Court (ICC) in 2009 of genocide, crimes against humanity and war crimes in Darfur which resulted in a second issue of warrant (the first didn't hold) for charges of genocide. The warrant was delivered to the Sudanese government, which is unlikely to execute it

Southern Sudan challenges:

Violence has haunted the region and more than 1500 people have died in battles this year; both in cattle raids and attacks by at least seven separate rebel militia groups fighting for the government
Citizenships will have to be issued, as with legal matters
Although Southern Sudan is rich in oil, the country will be one of the least-developed regions on earth
Ethnic tensions and troubled relations with the north will mean constant security challenges
Popular expectations on the new SPLM government are extremely high; people believe that independence means jobs, roads and general life approvements. The government will have to face the discontent when these hopes are not fulfilled without delay
The SPLA will face many short-term challenges; accountability, logistics and sustainment; lack of mobility, poor tactical communications; urgent training and new equipment needs; and insufficient funds to support development
Poverty, lack of development and the threat of violence will not magically disappear after the splitting

While a southern independence was the goal of a long struggle it will create a whole new set of difficulties. The biggest concern are the unsolved issues between the two new countries as will continue to be dependent on each other, mostly because of the oil in the south and the refineries in the north. However, war is never inevitable and I'll continue to keep my hopes up for a future peace between Sudan and Southern Sudan. If the governments are willing to solve the huge puzzle that lies ahead of them, the problems that today seem overwhelming can be solved. A key to the puzzle, in my opionion, is the involvement of the international community, that can both act as diplomats and help with the development of the two new states. It's up to the people to decide wether it's worth to continue to dispute over issues that can only result in a new war - or to put down their guns and work together for a sustainable peace.

Are you in Sudan or Southern Sudan?

I would like to get in touch with you - either as a guest blogger or to hear your point of view of the splitting of Sudan. Feel free to email me or write a comment and I'll contact you.

Follow the News

http://www.bbc.co.uk/search/sudan gives you the latest news on Sudan
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-12070034 provides news on Southern Sudan
Securing a split Sudan in CNN Breaking News Videos
Development in north and south Sudan - interactive on the Guardian
South Sudan gears up for independence Video on Reuters
Sudan Tribune is a news source on Sudan which is based in France (and therefore avoids Sudanese censorship)
The Juba Post is the only independent English-language newspaper in Southern Sudan

Want to be my Guest Blogger?

2011-07-05T21:34:00.000+01:00

I got the idea of publishing a few guest posts here:

Do you have decent writing skills?
Do you have a specific destination or travel related story you would like to tell? Being political is not a problem
Do you have a couple of good personal pictures related to the story?

If so: Send me an email with your idea and some information about yourself and explain why your story would fit in my blog.

The more unique your story is, the more likely I am to publish it here. It could be a personal story about your specific experiences during a political or humanitarian situation, a happy memory from a special remote place you visited, something unjust you've witnessed and would like to shed light on or a historical moment in your home country - there are no special rules as long as you can keep it personal and unique.

Discover Sweden - Marks Municipality

2011-07-03T13:38:00.000+01:00


View from Slottsberget, Öresten

I will begin a series of attractions in Marks Kommun, my home municipality. This is an attempt to an introduction to that series and might be edited later on. Future posts will include photos and more specific details about areas.

The word Mark means borderland or border forest. The municipality of Marks Kommun is situated in the South-Western end of Västra Götaland in the West of Sweden and was created in 1971 by combining two market towns and six tier municipalities. It's regional centre became Kinna.

Main Villages

The earliest villages were established along the rivers and streams of Viskan, Surtan and Häggån and ancient graves can be found around these areas. The regional centre, Kinna, is the largest of the villages and the name comes from the word kinn, which means hillside (since it's situated between two hills). Most notable of Kinna are the white wooden estates from the early 19th century for suppliers of raw material like wool, cotton and yarn for spinning and weaving. The material was distributed to the women in crofts and farms in the are, whom made fabrics that the trader bought back and sold forth to merchants and peddlers. The weaving and trading of fabrics around Mark are still famous and has given the region the nickname "Textile Kingdom."

The village of Skene is situated just West of Kinna and also along the river Viskan. The name is most likely a combination of the words skadh and vini, which would mean stream and pasture. On a small hill called Nycklaberget overlooking the village is a place called Galgbacken from 1682, which used to be an execution site where people were hanged, beheaded or burned for their crimes.

Örby lies East of Kinna and the name comes from the word ör which means gravel, and by which means village. Although Öresten doesn't technically belong to Örby anymore, is used to be part of the parish. Öresten used to be an important (and the largest in Västergötland) foothold for the war against the Danes and was mentioned the first time in Swedish history in 1366. The castle, which is situated on the hill of Slottsberget (Castle Mountain) fell in the hands of the Danes the same year. Although the castle was destroyed three times during its many battles, it was rebuild twice, which wasn't all that popular among the countryfolk as it was a general opinion that Öresten was the main reason for the many troops that burned and destroyed what came in their way. The countryfolk gathered 100 oxes to buy the castle, just to destroy it. The year was 1521 and Öresten was destroyed for the third and last time. Today it's a beautiful area for strolling among leafy forests and the stream of Slottsån (Castle Stream) and from the top of the hill is a gorgeous view of the surrounding forests, fields and waters. A few stones still remain from the ruins of the castle as well as the remains of the moat.

Landscape

Mark is characterized by wide forests, valleys, hundereds of lakes and streams and is an excellent area for exploring the wilds. The Courier Trail is a perfect way to discover the area and is said to have been ridden by postal couriers 600-700 years ago. Several nature reserves provide a closeup with nature. My personal favourite is Hyltenäs Kulle (Hyltenäs Hill) which used to be the site of a large hunting lodge belonging to the merchant George Seaton. The lodge was burned to the ground in 1923 but the basement's narrow passages are still there and makes an exciting playground for children and adventurous adults. Today the hill is a popular picnic area that provides excellent view of the surrounding forests and lakes with a rich birdlife. The forests mostly consists of hazel, birch and mountain ash and a lime alley that was planted during George Seaton's time leads into the nature reserve. Other plants that were once cultivated but now grow wilde include privet, spiraea, sycamore maple and chestnut. Hiking tracks have been created around the hill and down to the lake.

Other reserves includes Lekvad Nature Reserve in Berghem, along the river Viskan. It provides charming views of mighty tree formations on the steep slopes and a thick vegetation. Sea lampreys and salmon trout have their spawning grounds past the mill canal. Seven Streams in Torestorp is a splitting of the Torestorpsån River into seven streams. A footpath follows babbling brooks and leafy greenery. The area is considered to be the mostbeautiful in spring, when it's covered with wood anemones and the water volume is at its greatest.
Björkesbacka Nature Reserve lies east of Örby and it great for seeing how people lived in the area with its old buildings, rich flora and fauna. Although the buildings aren't open to the public it still gives a good opportunity for a glimpse in the past. A trail, that is accessible to all (including disabled), takes you through the area. It's planned that Björkesbacka will continue to retain the character of the old working forest home in the 1900s. Meadows will be cut with scythes and pastures will be grazed by sheep and Highland cattle.

Links and Contact Information

http://www.mark.se/ The official website (in Swedish)
http://www.vastsverige.com/en/Mark/ A comprehensive guide to the touristic Mark. Includes a list of accomodation, eating, sights and activities (Swedish/English)
http://www.mark.se/sv/Upptack-Mark/Femdygnsprognos/ Displays a five-days weather forecast in Mark according to SMHI.

Mark's Tourist Office:

Marks Turistbyrå
Boråsvägen 40
511 80 Kinna

Sweden
Tele. +46 (0)320 21 72 70

Fax +46 (0)320 148 82
e-mail

Open Monday-Friday 10.00-16.00. In summer (June 13-August 20) 10.00-18.99, Saturdays 10.00-15.00. Also on Sundays during July from 10.00-15.00.

Travel Links

2011-07-02T17:47:00.002+01:00

I'm working on a new page called Travel Links which can be found in the upper right corner of the blog. I'll gather some useful links on travel (like airline and visa information among other things), with focus on my favourite destinations. It's a work in progress and I know it looks a bit messy at the moment so please be patient and feel free to provide me with more links!

Thanks to my dear uncle Jan Murtomaa for giving me the idea of the new page and for providing the first link!

Meanwhile, enjoy this video by Playing for Change, an amazing cover of Bob Marley's "One Love."

Revolution Baby

2011-06-27T19:22:00.001+01:00

18 weeks 5 days

So I'm going to be a mum! It's the most natural thing in the world, and still it feels very alien and wierd, like something that happens to everyone else (without there being anything strange about that) and not to me. I've always wanted children but I've never felt the right moment for it. This may not be the right moment either, God knows that the circumstances should be different, but they're not and now we just have to make the best of the situation and deal with everything that is to come.

So far I haven't had an easy pregnancy. Been throwing up basically from the first week until now and many days the dizzyness is so overwhelming that I have to spend the whole day laying down. The tests have been good so far, except for once when my blood sugar was a bit high but apparently that was nothing to worry about.

I went to my first regular ultrasound today (had two other before, one in Egypt and another once I arrived in Sweden) and the midwife said that I'm expected to give birth on the 22nd of November. At the time of my first ultrasound in Egypt, all I could see on the screen was a small bean, so from then on the baby has been called Bönan (The Bean). The life inside of me begun some two weeks after the Egyptian former president Hosni Mubarak stepped down. I choose to see that as a sign of a good start of the life that I will be bound to for the rest of my life. Could it be better than to start out when a whole nation is celebrating it's freedom? I don't think so! November seems faaar away but thinking that it's only less than 5 months left is kinda scary! I pray that Khalid will have the opportunity to be here by then. It would suck if he would miss it, since he's already missing out the first ultrasounds, the baby's movements and all that. I'm trying to tell myself that it's not the end of the world if he would be here later, but of course I would prefer it to be sooner rather than later.

I've started to feel more distinct movements now that can last for a good while. Before it's only been a sensation of whirling and bubbles, but now it's definitely something else. It's an amazing feeling and can't be compared with anything else. I don't know if it's a boy or a girl and don't want to know until the baby is born either. Both me and Khalid prefer to live with the surprise, but I have to say that I suspect it to be a girl. It remains to be seen if my feelings are right!

In May, my sister gave birth to pretty Kimberly and in September my brother will become a dad, so that makes three cousins in one year!

Going on a job interview tomorrow for a temp position at a place that I would really love to work. I've kept my eyes on the place for months, hoping for an opening and now I have the chance. Since it's only temp and not a permanent position, I really hope they will look past my pregnancy and instead see to my qualities, experiences and personality. I know that I would make a good job and if all went well, I would certainly not mind continue to work there when the baby is a bit older and all. Keep your fingers crossed!

Små Grodorna Translated!

2011-06-25T00:01:00.000+01:00

"Små grodorna" ("The Little Frogs") is a traditional Swedish song and ring dance which is usually sung and danced at Midsummer (and Christmas). The dance is supposed to illustrate what frogs don't have, like ears and tails. In Midsummer we dance it around the Maypole/Midsummer pole and at Christmas around the Christmas tree.

The melody has apparently been traced from a military march from the French Revolution; "La Chanson de l'Oignon" ("The Onion Song") with the refrain "Au pas, camarade, au pas camarade / au pas, au pas, au pas!" (At walking pace, comrade!"). It is said that the French's enemies during that time, the Brits, changed the lyrics to a rather snide one; "Au pas, grenouilles!" ("At a walking pace, small frogs!"). It's unknown where the Swedish lyrics comes from, but it's possible that it was inspired by the English ironic one.

Here's the lyrics in Swedish and English:

Små grodorna, små grodorna är lustiga att se

(Small frogs, small frogs are funny to see)

Små grodorna, små grodorna är lustiga att se

(Small frogs, small frogs are funny to see)

Ej öron, ej öron, ej svansar hava de

(No ears, no ears, no tails have they)

Ej öron, ej öron, ej svansar hava de

(No ears, no ears, no tails have they)

Kou ack ack ack, kou ack ack ack.

Kou ack ack ack ack kaa

Kou ack ack ack, kou ack ack ack.

Kou ack ack ack ack kaa

Swedish Midsummer

2011-06-24T23:33:00.000+01:00

One of my favourite holidays midsummer and today is Midsummer's Eve. The sun will set at 10.16 PM where I live and rise at 04.05 AM but Sweden is a long country and up north the sun never sets at this time of year, it just touches the horizon and rises again. On this coordinate though, most part of the night isn't dark, unless it's very cloudy.

Midsummer celebrations were meant to welcome the summer and fertility in agrarian times. In the early 16th century Swedes made their own version of German traditions by decorating houses and farm tools with foliage and raised tall, leafy maypoles to dance around. A crown of leafs and flowers decorate the heads of happy celebrating people. In the beginning mostly youngsters took part of the celebrations and indistrial communities, where mill employees were munching away on a feast of pickled herring, beer and schnapps. In the 20th century it developed into the most Swedish of all traditional festivities.

Midsummer Night is the lightest of the year and was long considered a magical night, as it was the best time for telling people’s futures. Girls ate salted porridge ("dream porridge") so that their future husbands might bring water to them in their dreams, to quench their thirst. They also kept watch at springs for a reflection of their husband-to-be in the water.

On Midsummer Night, you could discover places where treasure was buried, for example by studying how moonbeams fell. When digging, you might be confronted by strange sights that would tempt you to laugh or speak, such as a lame hen pulling a large hay-load. If you managed to keep silent, you would find the treasure.

Also that night, it was said, water was turned into wine and ferns into flowers. Many plants acquired healing powers on that one night of the year.

Where I live, the most important symbols of Midsummer are the decorated pole (and the dancing around it), the flower crowns and of course the food feast that almost always consists of pickled herring, new potatoes with cream and chive which is all swollowed down with schnapps. On Midsummer Night, the local tradition says that any girl who climbs seven fences under silence, picking a different flower in between each and then put the small bouqet under your pillow - then she will dream of her future husband. I tried it each year when I was a kid, but I have to admit that I never dreamt of Khalid (or anyone else for that matter, except once when I dreamt of my uncle, which was quite horrifying for a young girl!). Perhaps I did something wrong or simply couldn't help but to giggle with my fellow love-searching young neighbors while we should have stayed completely silence!

Anyways, me, dad and Oskar went for the traditional celebrations in Mariebergsparken in Kinna, that is the native district's park. The park was originally a bushy forest- and meadow ground as well as an old spot for digging gravel that all belonged to the farm Marieberg, whose manor house still stands. When the ground was bought by the native district's association, it was turned into a park and a couple of other old cottages have been bought and brought to the park. It's a popular and beautiful recreation area and weddings and other celebrations are often held in the park lodge. It was great seeing colourful people folk costumes and flower crowns doing "the frog dance" around the pole while enjoying a small picnic in the green grass! Afterwards we munched on pickled herring with trimmings with the rest of the extended family. No schnapps for me though, but I enjoyed the fresh strawberries with cream and sugar even more!

I'll post a video of the famous "Små grodorna", complete with dance and song (translated and all!) in my next post. Stay tuned!

Life Works in Mysterious Ways

2011-06-21T22:16:00.000+01:00

Khartoum - Sudan, Ameln Valley - Morocco, Cairo - Egypt, Öresten - Sweden

Even the smallest choices you make, the smallest turns in your everyday life, can really take you to unimaginable places - or away from them.

Out of the three far-away countries I've lived, Sudan is probably the most extreme of them all. Whilst I had my good share of drama and political corruption, kidnapping, a police who "captured" my passport and persecution (links to previous blog posts) - but the fact is that I could easily have been there right now, if small and seemingly unsignificant events and decisions hadn't taken me elsewhere. Today the largest country in Africa is about to split in two: the north (Sudan) and the south (South Sudan). To my big surprise, many seems to think that this should be the solution to all the problems that have haunted the Sudanese people for centuries. People think that wars will be solved, disputes will be settled and poverty and health problems will magically disappear. Surely you can hope that the long lasting conflicts between the north and south tribes will settle, but as always, things are not that simple. Even if that would happen, Darfur will still be caught in the middle, without any solution close at hand. Thousands will continue to die from starvation and diseases, caught in tribal conflicts (and governmental funded slaughters) and displaced when their villages are being burned. Many will end up in miserable refugee camps, either in Sudan or Chad. Most will have no hope of a safe future.

A couple of days ago, CNN reported that a major military offensive might be on its way in Southern Kordofan (a north Sudanese state). The report is based on field reports and satellite images and that has captured what looks like at least 89 military vehicles in the city of Kadugli, the state capital, which is being controlled by the Sudan Armed Forces (SAF). The vehicles included heavy ammunition transport trucks, light vehicles and possible towed artillery pieces. In May, Southern Sudanese forces attacked a UN Mission in Sudan convoy in Abyei. 22 soldiers died and Sudanese troops took control of the city, forcing Southern Sudanese forces out. According to the chief of Southern Sudan's mission to the United Nations, Abiyei belongs to both the north and the south until the people in the city decide otherwise. Now representatives os Sudan and South Sudan have signed an agreement of the immediate withdrawal of Sudanese troups from Abiyei, but the fightings in South Kordofan continue to threaten and claim lifes. My husband is somewhat safe in the capital, Khartoum, but my worries will not ease until I have him within an arms length again.

I spent a few months in Morocco and although I was safely placed in the more safe and touristy places, the ghost of the Moroccan-Western Sahara conflict loomed all over the country and haunted the people. The massive popular movements that have surged through the Arab world in the past few months reached Morocco in February and King Mohammed VI's (in power since 1999) response was a promise of "comprehensive constitutional reform", but protests that have claimed lifes have continued. Yesterday some 10.000 protesters gathered in Casablanca against the king's proposed constitutional changes. Meanwhile unemployment and poverty continues to be a huge problem and one of the major reasons for the unrest.

Most recently I had both the unluck and privilege to witness the popular Egyptian revolution first hand. While teargas and gunshots flew outside my window in central Cairo the Egyptian people gathered in their hundered of thousands in Tahrir Square and across the country to demand that president Hosni Mubarak (who had been in power for over 30 years) step down. After 18 days and hundereds of people dead the people got what they demanded and the military took over. Revisit my blog posts from January to February for personal reports, videos and photos. Today Mubarak is charged with the deaths of the protesters and is in custody in a military hospital in Sharm al-Sheikh after having heart problems. Now his lawyer says that he's also suffering from stomach cancer. The expected presidential election is to be held in December and the parlamentary election is proposed to take place in September which has caused some concerns as new public opinion survey predicts that the islamistic Muslim Brotherhood will by then have gained influence over the consitution.

Meanwhile, in safe Sweden, the politics are swaying to the right, slowly but steadily. The taxes have been cut and apparently the economy is growing, the budget is balanced and unemployment is declining. Even so, long term sick-listed people are loosing their sickness benefits and declined economical benefits from the social services they are forced into work despite of cancer, heavy depressions or no ability to move their bodies. And now midsummer is approaching with dancing around the pole, sunset after 10 PM, herring and other wierd traditions and rituals. As much as I appreciate all the odd experiences in faraway countries, I think I'll spend a few years in my country. I may think its dull or even boring at times, but at least I'll be safely away from violent uprisings, teargas, kidnapping and shootings. The only thing missing is to share the safety with my beloved husband.

Picnic Festival and Swedish National Day

2011-06-06T21:30:00.002+01:00

Today is the Swedish National Day and I went to Picknickfestivalen (the Picnic Festival) in Göteborg with my beloved brother Jimmy and beautiful Elina. The festival is arranged each year to promote diversity and fellowship and is against racism. Bands and artists have been on stage since early afternoon until some time before midnight and thousands of wonderful people have enjoyed the Swedish summer on blankets in the green grass. What a better way to celebrate our National Day than to welcome and cherish our multicultural society that brings so much to our lives?

"The Picnic Festival is a free of charge cultural experience with the intention to change through the unprejudiced meeting of people. Without pointers and loud protests we want to spread the message that increased diversity and fellowship contributes to a better society." (own translation from the Swedish webpage)

They day was beautiful; the music was good, the people were greater and the atmosphere was fantastic. Maybe I'll make it a tradition to come to that festival each National Day!

Peps in My Heart

2011-06-04T17:45:00.001+01:00

I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long, things have been a bit wierd lately and my head haven't worked properly, to say the least. I'll write more on that topic at a later point.

I'm in Sweden, as you know, and am currently waiting anxiously for Khalid's stay permit. It's empty without him and I can't help to worry about his well being and all, with the situation being as it is in Sudan and all. But all's well that ends well and in the end we'll have yet another obstacle that we overcame with patience and love.

Summer is here, and the Swedish summer can't be compared with anything else in the world. I've travelled far; from paradise beaches with turqoise glimmering waters to smoking sulphur smelling landscapes to the vast deserts, but in the end Sweden in summer time is very very hard to beat. So to celebrate the coming of clear blue skies, the smell of blooming fields, green forests and sparkling lakes, I'll share a song with you. From the sixties into the nineties, Peps Persson has brought blues and reggae to Sweden with his charectaristic voice and sound that brings happiness and goodness into the cold Swedish hearts. Bob Marley is said to have said that Peps Persson is the only white man that has reggae in his blood. Wether he really said it or not, or if it's true or not, I cannot say.

Peps turned even more into a personal hero when he in 2010 decided to sue the racist Sweden Democrats (SD) for hijacking a song of his ("Grannen", which means "The Neighbour") and cutting it down to one verse as a political propaganda for the party. The SD politician responsible for the act did so with the message of "This is why I vote for SD" on a webpage, while in fact the lyrics of the song is meant to advocate the complete opposite of SD's message. This song, "Oh boy" from 1992 is one of my favourites and is a signature summer song for me. I'll make an amateur attempt to translate the lyrics below. Enjoy!

"Oh boy!
What a beautiful weather, sun's shining today.
Oh boy!
No heavy clothes are needed, and that I like.
Stand up and jump, it's sunny today,
and on a day like that you can't lie and slack.
No, leave that and come with me outside
when summer's coming, now winter is gone.
Oh boy!
Hear the bird song, they sing so you get dizzy.

Oh boy!
Here in the yard's path, the road leads to an adventure.
Yes, imagine that you can be so happy
of the ground's flowers and of green leafs.
And the child inside you comes home again
to forgotten dreams and to the summer.
Oh boy!

Oh boy!
What happy tunes, it's pulling and quivering inside of me.
Oh boy!
A thousand million hugs I want to give you.
Yes, imagine that it can be so easy sometimes.
So simple as to hold out a hand,
and wipe the gravel off a child's cheek,
and feel the warmth from a summer wind.
Oh boy!
What a gift from above it is to live today.

Oh boy!
The pure gift of God, is it strange that I'm happy?
For the sun's shining, and you are here,
and earth is spinning on it's heavenly sphere.
And really when you feel like this,
the world is close to a paradise."

Cairo Protests - Flashbacks

2011-04-25T19:53:00.000+01:00


One of many military helicopters above Tahrir

Maybe I'm just in a period when every emotion is hightened, when small things are blown out of proportions, and I hope that's the case. I thought I had gotten over what happened in Cairo, but apparently that isn't so. I feel bad for reacting the way I do. I wasn't, after all, part of the revolution; I didn't get shot, none of my friends or family got killed or emprisoned. And still, it affected me in ways I couldn't have predicted. A couple of nights ago I woke up from a semi-sleep by two helicopters circling above the house and in a second I was back in Cairo. It took me a while before I fully realized that I was safely in a small town in Southwestern Sweden, but the panic was hard to slip away from and sleep was no longer an option.

Meanwhile in Egypt, former president Hosni Mubarak is being transferred to a military hospital while waiting for the Tora prison to be medically equipped to recieve him, says Egyptian newspaper al-Masry al-Youm. A couple of weeks ago, Mubarak suffered a heart attack during the questioning about the murdering of pro-democracy protesters during the revolution.

Egypt's military interim government is denying the accusations of Gaddafi's Egypt based cousin Ahmed Gaddaf al-Dam of funding the Libyan government and of recruiting Egyptian mercenaries, Reuters says. The Egyptian military has so far been careful to not take sides in the Libyan situation but has kept the border between the two countries open to assure that aid, medical equipment and food can reach the Libyans. The number of refugees fleeing Libya into Egypt is far above 100.000. I haven't found a current number, but a month ago, the UNHCR reported the number to be at least 118.000. If anyone has a more up-to-date number, please let me know.

Back to Reality

2011-04-18T21:51:00.000+01:00

It feels surreal that I was in Egypt just 9 days ago. It feels much longer, or that I haven't been there at all. It's like one of those strange dreams that leaves you waking up confused, not knowing what was real and what wasn't. I was just away for three months - it's incredible how much can happen during such a short time. My whole life as I knew it is gone and once back in Sweden I'm suddenly in a completely new role, with different visions and plans. I'm still me, but things have definitely changed.

I've been having trouble sleeping since I got back, but I hope that will change within the next week. It has to. It's amazing how apparently small happenings can turn into enormous life changing moments, revolutions on the inside and outside. I know I'm not making much sense at the moment, but hopefully I will catch up with my thoughts and feelings soon enough.

Cairo Protests - A Last Visit to Tahrir

2011-04-09T22:03:00.001+01:00

At two in the afternoon a noisy bus departed fron Hurghada, heading north to the mighty Egyptian capital. Through dusty windows we watched the desert take shape, with rugged black mountains as a silhuette against the darkening sky. As the burning sun gave in to the coming of a star filled night sky and the Red Sea to our right darkened from exotic turquoise to a more respect-giving maroon wilderness, wild flashes started to light up the sky. Paranoid as ever, I considered the flashes as a bad omen but forced myself to let go of the thought of bad things to come. Turns out, of course, that it was nothing but my paranoia of getting back to Cairo. Relaxing a little, I leaned back and continued to listen to an audio book.

Soon, the harsh black mountains were beaten down by equally dark and looming concrete buildings. The stars disappeared and I had to settle with the depressing apricot-pink smoggy sky. ”Back in the jungle” I thought, ”What will it bring this time?”

We went straight to a rented apartment and I literally collapsed on a rock-hard bed. Sleep refused to come though. Instead I laid awake, or in some kind of semi coma and stirred with every sound from the street or the neighbors – or the movements from the wonderful man lying next to me. The plan was to wake up early. That didn't happen. Late in the afternoon, when the setting sun had started to spread gold over the city, we got in a taxi and headed to Khan al-Khalili to do some last minute shopping. I'd have to go in exile if I came home to Sweden without having brought gifts to all my thousand brothers and sisters.

Once done with the shopping, we found ourselves close to the street where we used to live in Cairo during the revolution; Abdel Khaled Sarwat. We decided to walk the street for good old times, and without my dear Khalid suspecting anything (all was, of course, planned in detail by yours sincerely) on our way to Tahrir Square. It was Friday after all and since the revolution started, every Friday have been called something like ”Friday of Anger/Judgement/Trial.” I couldn't leave Egypt without making one last visit to the place that made history and brought up so many feelings inside me. And what a good choice that was!

Tahrir was just like I remembered it. This very Friday, tens of thousands had turned up to force new life into the revolution and to ”push the country's ruling military council to prosecute the former president, Hosni Mubarak, who stepped down under immense popular pressure on February 11.” According to my experiences during that last visit to Tahrir, they succeeded into blowing life into the people. There were the usual chanting and singing, flags being waved in every direction, faces being painted in the Egyptian colours, people wanting to pose infront of the camera... but I felt that the cheering was louder today.

How can it then be, that later during the night, military started to shoot live fire and teargas? Two people are said to have been killed. Reports are saying that barbed wire is put up around the square to keep protesters out and that the military and police presence is huge. I'm too tired to think at the moment, but I'll keep you posted of what's going on in Cairo as much as I can through my sources.

As for now, I'll drink up my orange juice and head for the gate in Istanbul Attaturk. In a few hours I'll once again be in cold Sweden.

Egypt Protests - Hurghada: Safe or Not?

2011-03-11T18:46:00.002Z

A beach that's usually cramped lies desolate.

Because of the ongoing Egyptian campaign to get the tourists to come back to the country, I've recieved several questions wether the country is safe or not. Since I made my way to Hurghada after Cairo I thought it might be a good idea to explain the overall situation in the city from my point of view. I'll do my very best to stay impartial so that any reader can judge for themselves if it's a good idea or not to travel to Hurghada.

When I first arrived, on February 8th, the city was pretty desolate. All, except for an insignificant numer of mostly British and Russians, had been evacuated and those that were still around mostly stayed at home or in their hotels. Businesses closed and all restaurants, cafés and clubs gaped empty of customers. People started to run out of cash as the banks were closed and the ATM:s were emptied.

There have been small protests in Hurghada during the revolution. The first one was reported to have taken place on January 29th. As in other places across the country, locals have been forced to create vigilante groups to protect their homes and businesses from looters as the police disappeared from the streets.

The day Mubarak stepped down I witnessed the relief and hope that many locals in Hurghada had kept to themselves up until that moment. The people took to the streets in celebration and street parties gathered around the city with music, dancing, cheering and fireworks. A month after the protests in Cairo started there was an event in Mashrabia Village in the touristic part of Hurghada to remember and praise the martyrs. Poetry and live music were mixed with emotional speaches and a general atmosphere of happiness and respect. Both locals and internationals participated that evening and I'm sure it is one to be remembered for a long time.

Although the instability and security issues present in Cairo and other large cities around the country didn't reach touristic towns like Hurghada and Sharm al-Sheikh, the spirit of the New Egypt reached it after Mubarak stepped down. As the pro-democracy protesters in Tahrir Square arranged a clean-up day, the people in Hurghada followed. Streets were cleaned from rubbish and huge piles of gathering trash were sorted and put in recycling stations. The Hurghada Environmental Protection and Conservation Association (HEPCA) has taken huge responsibilities in keeping the Red Sea clean and the project manager Ahmed Droubi said to Egyptian newspaper Al-Masry Al-Youm that:

Important changes in people’s attitude towards the environment and the protection of their living areas. It seems that people have rediscovered a sense of ownership of the country, and they are more ready than ever to protect it.

This attitude has spread to different areas of the Egyptian lives. People are being more responsible and cosequent as many see that they themselves are crucial in building up the New Egypt. It's true that shop workers and businessmen continue with their at times aggressive methods to get the tourists to buy their products, but I genuinely feel that the overall attitude towards foreigners have changed in a dramatic way. They/we are still money personalized in many people's eyes, but I feel that I'm now being met with more respect and gratitude than anything else.

On March 6th an Egyptian reporter was assaulted and recieved death threats by the Hurghada State Security after he had witnessed and photographed officers burning documents. The reporter were broght to the hospital and was unconscious from the beatings. The public prosecutor has ordered an investigation about the incident.

At the time of my own arrival in Hurghada, the city was a ghost town and although most tourism is still largely absent, life is slowly but steadily returning to normal. If anyone wants to see what this once small fishing town was like before it developed into a tourist paradise, now is definitely the time to visit. The police are back in the streets and Hurghada is still the paradise that have been drawing tourists for years. It's without a doubt that the situation in Egypt is still unstable and that events can develop, but my guess is that Hurghada as well as other main tourist towns around the Red Sea will continue to be safe for foreigners. If I myself wouldn't already be living here but always wanted to visit Egypt, then I'd definitely chose this time. Not only because of the calm, beautiful weather and wonderful sea, but also to support the Egyptians that have been (and still are) working so hard to accomplish their freedom from oppression.

I will continue to report about the situation in Hurghada and upload pictures as I go.

Cairo Protests - A Tourist in Tahrir

2011-03-06T06:56:00.001Z

To make it easier, I made a list of the videos and photos I shot during the first two weeks in Tahrir Square. The days that are uncovered were simply because of cowardice. Journalists, i.e. foreigners with cameras, were being targeted so I chose to be (somewhat) safe rather than sorry.

I wish I could have been there until Mubarak stepped down, but things went out of hand. Although the pro-democracy protesters in Tahrir was and would defend me if necessary I no longer felt I could continue reporting without putting myself in too much risk. Instead I got to witness the reactions among the locals in a a café in Hurghada. The relief and happiness was of course high and I'll be forever greatful to have witnessed history unfold. This is a once in a lifetime experience that I will talk about until I'm on my deathbed, that's for sure!

North Africa Protests - How You Can Help

2011-02-23T18:41:00.002Z

"The Mad Dog of the Middle East" according to Reagan.

Although the following suggestions are aimed at the ongoing genocide in Libya, they can of course be used for all causes:

1. The UN

Contact the UN and remind them of the Responsibility to Protect (RtoP). Paragraph 139 in 2005 World Summit Outcome Document states that:

The international community, through the United Nations, also has the responsibility to use appropriate diplomatic, humanitarian and other peaceful means, in accordance with Chapters VI and VIII of the Charter, to help protect populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity.

Since the Libyan government has undoubtly failed to protect it's own citizens, the responsibility falls to the international community to step in. Remind the UN of this and demand them to intervene: http://www.un.org/en/contactus/

2. Your own government

Contact your Department of Foreign Affairs and ask them to put more pressure on international organs to intervene and to demand the removal of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi:

3. The White House

Pressure one of the most powerful governments in the world to ask Colonel Muammar Gaddafi to step down and help the people of Libya towards fair elections and democracy. Contact the While House here.

4. Libyan State TV

Express your opinions of their one-sided news and demand from them to show the truth and stop supporting the Colonel. You can contact the Libyan Jamahiriya Broadcasting Corporation (LJBC) here:

In Arabic: info@ljbc.net
In English: info@en.ljbc.net
In French: info@fr.ljbc.net
Telephone: +218 21 3402107 or +218 21 3403468

5. International Humanitarian Organizations

Demand from Non Governmental Organizations (NGO's) around the world to monitor the situation in Libya and assist the people with medical equipment and staff, food and other essential items. I've listed contact information for a few of the most influential organizations below:

EDIT: Also sign Amnesty International's petition for Obama/Rice and the UN to take action in Libya here. Together we can stop this!

North Africa Protests - Twitter

2011-02-23T15:40:00.001Z

All those who are courageously fighting evil regimes, follow me on Twitter and I'll retweet your important messages in English and Swedish: @bloodyredsaga.

Stay strong and please remember that the people throughout the world is with you and that we're doing our very best to change the passivity and cowardice of our governments as well as international organs with the power to intervene.

Egypt Protests - Staying Safe, How to Outmaneuver the Police and Other Useful Advices

2011-02-20T18:08:00.000Z

Outmaneuvering the police:

[...]The best defense is chaos. If situations change constantly the police cannot keep up. Keep moving. Change your appearance. Open new directions and possibilities. Be unpredictable.

Watch out for provocateurs including but not limited to “peace police”. These self appointed enforcers of “peace” infiltrate demonstrations and try to prevent people from walking in the street or engaging in many forms of protest. They sometimes wear armbands (usually white) and will report people to the police or attempt to apprehend them personally. Also watch out for individuals trying to instigate violence against obvious non-targets. These people are often police or employed by them to discredit us.

This advice, among many others can be found on Daily Kos: Guide to Safety and Victory in Street Confrontations UPDATE, and have been "compiled and edited by Anonymous-affiliated veterans of prior revolutions and other occasions on which civilians have successfully fought security forces." I recommend it to anyone directly or indirectly involved in the uprisings spreading throughout the world.

Egypt Protests - How Love Conquers All

2011-02-17T20:47:00.000Z

Broken arms and in a bad condition, but with good spirits.

There are plenty of revolutions described in the history book and I'll be the first to admit that I have little knowledge of the details surrounding most of them. What I do know however, is how the Egyptians in 18 days managed to end a 30+ year old dictatorship. It wasn't done through assassination or bombs, terrorism or unnecessary violence. No, the Egyptians did what the world thought was impossible. Through their unending love for their country and for eachother, they attracted millions of people from all social classes out in the streets.

Few people have missed that the heart of the Egyptian revolution is in Tahrir (Liberation) Square. In this spot in central Cairo the people settled down, building shelters and created voluntary civilian work forces to keep the occupied Tahrir in order. Human chains were created to block the tanks from moving in to the square, schools and kindergardens were set up as well as makeshift hospitals and lost-and-found-stations. To enter the square you had to walk through several security checks; these too were run by civilians. Everyone got body searched and any sharp or other potentially dangerous objects were confiscated. After each check point, you were met with apologizes that they had to search you. I apologized too, for the people to be forced into this situation. The pro-democracy protesters were welcoming and protecting the few foreigners that had chosen to stay in the country (most of them journalists of course). A sign held up by a young man said "Tourists! Please don't leve, we'll protect you!" Women and men came to thank me for not leaving, saying that it was because of international media that they were somewhat safe from the authorities. The day after Mubarak resigned, the people returned to Tahrir. This time armed with brooms and plastic bags to clean up the square.

Of course an experience like this leaves you with tons of impressions that needs to be sorted and worked on. I learned so much that it's impossible to put it all into words, but one single thing changed me forever: the amazing solidarity that rose to the surface of all the Egyptians out in the streets is nothing less than a miracle. It's safe to say that no matter of all the horrible things that happened during the protests, it brought out the very very best in the people. Since the protests begun I haven't experienced any hassle and haven't heard of any sexual harrassement coming from the pro-democracy protesters. When the police and thugs started the attacks on the protesters, the people defended themselves, but they did it with a smile. I have no doubt what so ever that what kept the protesters going, through the violence and harsh conditions, is the humour and good spirits among them. Those that couldn't directly join the protests, kept the people up by songs and dancing. They may have been beaten and humiliated, even killed, but they never lost hope.

Whenever I think of the bread that was shared in Tahrir Square, of children sitting on their parents' shoulders chanting pro-democracy verses with smiles on their faces, of the human chains protecting the museum from looters and of the wounded getting plastered up with simple means, my eyes are filled with tears. And I really mean it, the incredible love and respect I've witnessed during these past few weeks truly makes me cry. It proves once and for all that the goodness of mankind beats the evil fews by far. Forget about guns and violence; with love in your heart you can accomplish anything.

Egypt Protests - A Few Days After

2011-02-16T15:50:00.001Z

Got a text from Egyptian Armed Forces early this morning saying:

Asking honorable citizens to put all their efforts together to have a safe country.

It's wierd how many things you get can get used to in just a couple of weeks; hiding from the bad guys, body searches, questioned, texts from the army, you name it. Last night I dreamt that I was detained by under cover police. They blind folded me and I got my hands back-tied . Then they started to question me, laughing at me and trying to make me admit to something, like being a spy. And the wierd thing is that in another lifetime, in my safe haven in Sweden, a dream like that would be surreal, like something taken from a movie. But for the post-revolution me, there was nothing surreal about that dream. It could have happened, still can I imagine.

I'm in Hurghada, after having spent the two first weeks of the protests in central Cairo. Now, every time a car back fires or someone's shouting in the street I automatically flinch and think it's gunfire or an angry mob coming this way. Reports of high numbers of journalists that have been assaulted during the protests are surely scary and very very sad. Not that I'm a journalist, but I knew all along that if the (former) authorities would find out that I'm blogging about the events and talk to international media about it, I could be in big trouble. Not having a respected organization holding your back was somewhat risky (although having one was proved to not do much good either) and I found myself being less and less "courageous" towards the end; careful of who I was talking to and hiding the camera when possible.

On February 25th, the people in Hurghada will gather for a memorial of the hundereds of people that died during the protests. I still don't have news of what exactilly is planned, but I'm looking forward to publish the thoughts and feelings of the Egyptians that only got to witness the revolution from afar. The numbness that I first noticed (with horror, I must say) among the people in Hurghada concerning what was happening in the capital and all around Egypt is now mostly gone. After Mubarak's last speach to the nation, where he once and of all proved to be an old dillusional fart that had no clue what so ever what was happening in the country he was supposed to lead, the people in Hurghada stood up and clapped their hands. They said that what Mubarak said was good and that the people will settle for this. When they saw on TV that the people in Tahrir was leaving the square, they were sure that they were simply happy now and were going home. The day after, a few hours after the VP announced the president's resignation, the over all atmosphere changed into celebration. What they hadn't dared (or cared) to say before, could now be heard throughout the night in a happy celebratory street party with loud music, dancing, tears and fire shows.

Egypt Protests - VICTORY!

2011-02-11T17:00:00.001Z

Mark my words readers; on February 11^th 2011, Egypt changed the world. Through persistent peaceful demonstrations filled with love and respect for eachother and spiced with a good amount of humour, the brave Egyptians managed to throw the president Hosni Mubarak out. The joy I feel for the people of Egypt and for every other person living under an oppressive regime is impossible to describe. The first minutes after VP Suleiman made the announcement that Mubarak is stepping down I was in chock and had to ask Khalid some 10-20 times if it's really true. I though that maybe it was another lie to calm the people down. I though that maybe they heard wrong. But no. As from today, the 30+ year long dictatorship of Hosni Mubarak has come to an end and it wasn't through violence or assassination (even though the people surely could have taken that path too) but through non-violence and love for eachother. I'm amazed.

It makes me incredibly proud of having witnessed this fantastic transformation of Egypt. Thank you Egyptians, for giving the world hope and trust that the people will always be the ones in power if they choose to. Miracles can be made by human hands and one individual truly can make a huge difference.

I'm pretty speachless, so I'll leave you to follow the celebrations on TV and will write some more when the emotions have started to settle. Many books will be written about this people and these two and a half weeks of protests is certainly the biggest historical moment in modern Arab history. Alf mabroook ya Masr! May fate continue to smile upon you!

Egypt Protests - When the Tourists Left

2011-02-09T19:31:00.000Z

We arrived in Hurghada yesterday, Khalid and me. We left Cairo as hundereds of thousands of protesters once again gathered in Tahrir Square. It felt like I was betraying them, the people, like I should be there to show my support or to just report from the spot. But it was time to go. Regardless of what the authorities say, it's not 100% safe to walk in the streets of Cairo as a foreginer. Towards the end of my Cairo stay, I found myself on edge, constantly worried about talking to the wrong person, of someone with distorted mind seeing me taking a photo, of my phone or internet activity to be monitored. Sooner or later, a revolution demands a prize and no matter how sad it made me I felt that I really should leave the capital. So on the bus we went and six hours later we were in Hurghada, empty of the tourists that had nourished the city so far.

Last night I was twitching in shivers and fever and when I woke up I was greeted with a SMS from the Ministry of Interior through Etisalat saying:

From today our dealings with you will be with honesty, trust and lawfulness.

I wonder if words will be enough to satisfy the mourning souls of those who lost their children, sisters, brothers and loved ones through the police brutality. I doubt it. It's too late for their redemption and I think that the only thing that will ever make their deaths worthwile is for Mubarak to step down. And if he continue to insists that he has to stay (for the sake of keeping the stability?) until the election in September, I really hope that the military will show some backbone and follow the will of the people.

Meanwhile, in Hurghada, the protests have been mainly absent but the result of the ongoing demonstrations elsewhere are affecting this city more than it does in Cairo or Alexandria. Hurghada is depending on the tourists. The majority of the restaurants, shops and businesses here are focusing on tourism, and without them there simply won't be any more money coming in. Shop owners close their businesses and put signs in the display window either saying that they'll stay closed until the tourists come back, or urging the foreigners that are still here to stay, saying that Egypt is safe. Who knows what will happen to places like Hurghada and Sharm al-Sheikh if the tourists won't start to come back soon.

As a side note; did you know that the president of the Egyptian Red Crescent is her excellency Mrs. Mubarak, i.e. Hosni Mubarak's wife? Apparently the ICRC have been hindered to help out the protesters in Tahrir but now it says in a report on the ERC webpage that there are first aid activities in Tahrir. I haven't seen them there for two weeks but if it's true that they now have access to the square, then that's all good.

Cairo Protests - Monday 7th

2011-02-07T22:37:00.000Z

Witnessing a revolution from the front stalls has a prize, I've realized that now. I've been so swallowed up by all these dramatic events that I basically forgot that I'm more than a witness. I've seen people been beaten, mobs attacking, blood, tanks, injustice and mourning. I've felt the tear gas burn in my eyes and throat. I've been laying awake at night listening to guns being fired, explosions, helicopters and fighter jets. I've spoken to people that lost a loved one, a mother who's 22 year old daughter's head exploded by a bullet. I've ran away from violent clashes and shootings, been questioned and frightened. There are so many impressions in my head and I haven't had the slightest chance to even start to process them. They're piling up on me, lays heavy on my shoulders and it's time to be selfish and take a break from all of it, if only to gather my strengths to come back with renewed energy.

I wanted to go to Tahrir Square one last time. The atmosphere was calm, almost tranquil, but sadness and mourning was hovering above the people. The faces of the people that lost their lives there in these past two weeks were printed on banners and placards. The mother of the young woman who died last Friday was trying to get her message through on stage, but it was difficult through her tears. I wanted to hug her; tell her that her daughter didn't die for nothing. But the outcome of the violent protests are still in the hands of a force majeur. Although the protesters show no sign of retreating from their own little city state called Tahrir, this can end in a multiple different ways.

Outside of the square, people are doing their best to get back to the every day life in Cairo. Shops and business re-open and smashed windows are being replaced while looted shops are still gaping empty. My heart is heavy with the thought of leaving the courageous souls in Tahrir behind, but I've realized that there isn't much more that I can do for the time being. I can continue to report, but I too need to get my life back. I'm way behind in my studies and I really hope it won't be too late to catch up. Maybe with a little peace in my mind I can get back on track, get my strenghts back and return to Cairo if I'm needed. I still haven't heard from the Egyptian Red Crescent. It doesn't seem like they will have a first aid group with access to Tahrir, but if there will be one, I'll be back on the first bus available.

We're going to the ghost town of Hurghada; once a thriving tourist city, now eerily empty as all tourists have been flown out. All except me that is.

Cairo Protests - Saturday 5th

2011-02-05T20:15:00.001Z

I dressed my grazed feet and once again headed towards Tahrir Square. This time we knew which street to take to avoid the Mubarak supporters and possible hostile situations. A few ID-checks and body searches (and many apologizes from the civilian security volunteers) later we were on pro-democratic occupied ground in central Cairo. Loud music was played through speakers, people were chanting and cheering and the over all atmosphere was very peaceful and cool.

In the middle of the square, in a round plot of dirty grass, the protesters have set up their camp of simple provisional shelters composed of poles, plastic and blankets. Although a light rain had been trickeling over Cairo the whole day and it was starting to get cold, the protesters were showing no sign of leaving. Injured people with dirty bandages, plaster and dressings were resting on the ground while thousands of people were treadding the ground around them. Stalls of free water and snacks were set up and people shared what they had with eachother. It's quite amazing to witness the incredible solidarity and high spirits among the protesters, many of which haven't left the square in many days.

One woman came up to me while I was taking some photos of the crowd, took my hand and gave me the most brilliant smile and thanked me from the bottom of her heart for being a foreigner and not leaving Egypt. Another man told me that thanks to the foreigners that are still in Cairo, reporting what's going on, they are saved from the police. If it wasn't for us, he said, they would basically be screwed. I have no say in that, but I experienced some very emotional situations today. The thought of that first woman who took my hand makes my eyes water. In response I told her that of course we're staying, the world needs to see what's going on here.

In one place of the square, civilians had put up a table with lost items like mobile phones and wallets. How amazing is that? The solidarity and warmth among the people refusing to leave the square as long as Mubarak is president is nothing less than incredible. I so wish that I could do more, but my words and pictures will have to do for now.

When we were about to leave, a man by the barbed wire barricade asked us with a smile to stay. Others simply said "Thanks for coming! Please come again!" And I sure will.

Cairo Protests - More Photos

2011-02-05T19:34:00.000Z

My second set of photos taken in the past few days (beginning of February 2011).

Revolution = Ego Boost?

2011-02-04T21:45:00.002Z

Sveriges Radio's nation wide news program (Ekot) called for another interview today, February 4th.

To listen: http://sverigesradio.se/sida/default.aspx?programid=83&play=2888474&playtype=S%E4ndning

To read: http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=83&artikel=4332952

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Sveriges Radio Sjuhärad (SR P4 Sjuhärad) called for an interview on January 30th.
http://sverigesradio.se/sida/artikel.aspx?programid=95&artikel=4320568

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We met Göteborgsposten (GP) in Cairo for an interview on January 31st. This is an extract from a longer article about the protests.

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Short interview published in Borås Tidning (BT) on February 3rd.
http://www.bt.se/nyheter/mark/article2267255.ece

Cairo Protests - 8 PM Friday 4th

2011-02-04T18:12:00.000Z

I can't even begin to express my frustration right now. We tried a different road leading to Tahrir Square a couple of hours ago, this one controlled by pro-democracy protesters. I explained that I was a first aid/CPR instructor for the Swedish Red Cross and that I would like to offer my assistance to the field medics in the square. I was warmly welcomed by the civilians and had two "bodyguards" escorting me through 7-8 security checks where I had to show my passport, get body searched and explain what I was doing there.

Finally we arrived in the heart of chaos, where darkness had settled over Tahrir and tens of thousands of protesters had gathered to let president Mubarak know that his time is over. A make shift hospital was put up next to two military tanks. A couple of doctors and nurses was stationed there, taking care of the wounded. The doctor I spoke to explained that they're deeply sorry that they can't accept my assistance, simply because I'm a foreigner. From the bottom of their hearts they apologized for the situation and said that they would more than gladly use my skills, but that it would be too risky. Some are apparently accusing the international community for much of the violence happening in the streets. They claim that it's the international media's fault, and therefore it would be too dangerous for me to help out. That I'm with the non-governmental, non-political organisation Red Cross doesn't matter. They explained that the government doesn't care who I'm with. It would be too risky.

I'm so sad and upset right now. When I got there, there weren't that many wounded in the sick bay, but I'm sure there will be a lot more as time passes by this Friday night. It feels so wrong to not be able to help when I'm qualified for it. I'm trained for this. I didn't come there to express my discontent with the government or give my opinion about anything that has to do with politics. I didn't go there to take sides. All I wanted was to treat the wounded as best as I could. All I could do today was to give the medics the few first aid supplies I had in my bag; some cotton, bandages, dressings and antibiotic cream.

I dearly hope that the ICRC will be allowed into Tahrir tomorrow if the protests continue, which I have a feeling they will. I also hope that I'll be able to join them as a first aider. Let's hope that the brave medics won't be overburdened tonight and that the few medical supplies will be enough to treat the injured.

Cairo Protests - 5 PM Friday 4th

2011-02-04T17:54:00.000Z

11th day of protests: Out in the streets people are catching up on the latest events, exchanging war stories. I made a couple of attempts to enter the Tahrir area, but was impossible. My hopes was to find one of the make shift hospitals and offer my assistance. When I'm not studying I'm working as a First Aid/CPR instructor for the Swedish Red Cross. It's more than frustrating to not be able to help when I'm qualified for it. The ICRC and ERC have been stopped from entering Tahrir and medical supplies and other essentials like food and water are being confiscated by Mubarak supporters. Some streets are completely controlled by either pro-Mubarak or pro-democracy protesters; a picture resembling that of a country in civil war. The destruction of central Cairo is massive.

Dark clouds are moving in on the city, like a bad omen predicting more chaos to come. Cairo today is like a rubber band stretched to a maximum, ready to snap at any moment. The pro-democracy protesters are calling this day "Departure Day", hinting at the deadline for Mubarak to step down. Exactily what that means is still unclear. Some are talking about marching towards the presidential palace, others are talking about the violent erruption of the human volcano in Tahrir Square.

The military is to some degree stopping pro-Mubarak protesters to enter the square, but it's more than likely that many of them have managed to get past the security check points.

I see people with crutches, plasters and bandages everywhere to show the extent of the violence used from all sides during these past 11 days of protests. In my bag I have a basic first aid kit, just in case.

Cairo Protests - The People

2011-02-03T20:19:00.000Z

Here are some of the voices of the people I've met during the Cairo pro-democratic protests, January-February 2011.

Cairo Protests - Thursday 3rd

2011-02-03T16:43:00.001Z

9th day of protests: I think that by putting all my focus on reporting the escalating situation in central Cairo, I have neglected my own health. My camera has followed me everywhere, I've made interviews, talking to people, trying to get a better sense of what's happening. Sleep hasn't been a priority and I haven't eaten properly in over a week. At night I lay awake, listening to gunfires and shouts, wondering how many people get killed this very minute. Last night I clinged to the Al Jazeera live pictures until dawn, defying a growing headache and fatigue.

So today I woke up with migraine and my stomach was in revolt. My beloved went hunting for a pharmacy and got me painkillers which helped me fall back into sleep for another couple of hours.

Swedish Radio called this morning again and asked a few questions, but I barely remember it. A few hours later I got an email from a Swedish local paper, requesting yet another interview. In this morning's Borås Tidning there was a short article about me being here too. It's wierd to have the media contacting me for interviews and comments and even wierder when friends and family sees it. The first interview was fun, the second too. But now I just do it out of duty. People need to know what's going on in Cairo. Last night's clashes between pro-democratic and pro-Mubarak protesters resulted in at least 8 dead people and over 1000 injured, just minutes away from where we live. So you can imagine that it doesn't feel right to go to sleep at night when people are dying around us.

I'll give you a more detailed update about today's happenings later on.

DN, Aftonbladet, SvD, Expressen, GP

Cairo Protests - Wednesday 2nd

2011-02-03T01:03:00.002Z

8th day of demonstrations: It seems impossible that the situation has changed from being something like a carnival into a civil war in less than 24 hours. The pro-democray protesters have been peaceful and only defended themselves against the violent police. They have taken care of each other; shared bread and medical supplies, guarding homes and businesses, made human chains to protect the treasurous Egyptian museum as well as civilians in vulnerable areas. They have shared advices of how to best deal with the tear gas and rubber bullets. They've been singing and chanting. That is, until pro-Mubarak protesters charged Tahrir Square today.

It's unclear where they came from, but they did bring violence with them. Climbing buildings, they've thrown stones and molotov cocktails at the pro-democray protesters and charged them with horses and camels (!), equipped with whips. As for now, the square is filled with smoke from burning tires and trees and the pro-democray protesters are doing well to keep the others away from Tahrir. The rumour says that people have been paid to join the protests and that governmental ID-cards have been found on many of the pro-Mubarak protesters. It's said that they're either paid by the government to fight off the protesters or to make chaos, or are undercover police. The latest rumours on Twitter says that vehicles without licence plates are heading towards the square, filled with dogs. People are fearing a pre-dawn or early morning massacre. And the military are just observing.

It's unclear how many have been killed so far. A couple of hours ago the official number was three and that some 650 people have been injured. The city is running out of medical supplies, which is reportedly being stopped from entering Tahrir Square by pro-Mubarak protesters.

For the first time since the protests begun, I have stayed indoors with an exception for a short walk during the late hours around the block. I had planned to have a look at what's happening around Tahrir, but was stopped 100 metres from the apartment by a civilian identity check. Of course I had forgotten my passport at home, so we went back to get it and decided to not try to attempt the more central parts this evening. I had hoped to be able to take a few pictures, but apparently journalists and photographers are again being targeted by pro-Mubarak protesters. Several have been beaten and gotten their equipments confiscated or destroyed. That won't stop me from using my words to reach out though.

The situation doesn't seem to get any better as time goes by and we've decided to attempt to leave Cairo on or around Saturday. But it will be difficult as most buses and trains have been cancelled or are fully booked. In worst case we'll have a friend drive us to some town down south, where we can catch a bus or train. Cairo isn't safe and I mourn for the people who have lost their loved ones in the battle for freedom and democracy. I wish they'll keep their strength and courage to bring this bloodthirsty and power craving dictator down once and for all. Don't let the deaths be for nothing.

Cairo Protests - Photos

2011-02-02T19:44:00.001Z

Here's a compilation of my photos during these past 9 days of anti-government protests in central Cairo, Egypt. More to come as the story unfolds.

Cairo Protests - Tuesday 25th

2011-02-02T17:38:00.001Z

Here's a short compilation of videos presenting how the anti-government protests started in central Cairo last Tuesday, January 25th 2011.

Cairo Protests - Tuesday 1st

2011-02-01T23:59:00.001Z

February 1^st 2011: The ”Million Man March” drew (in my estimation) between 100-200.000 protesters to Tahrir Square in central Cairo. Except for enormous crowds and difficulties to move around, I didn't witness any violence or potential violent situations. Quite the opposite what most people had expected, the atmosphere felt more like that of a carnival than an anti-government protest. People were gathering in groups, singing and cheering. Women were handing out cookies, bread was provided, Egyptian flags were waved everywhere. People brought their young children to the square. On our way in to the square we went through two civilian security checks, where our bags and pockets were searched for weapons.

Simply put, everyone was happy. That is until late in the evening, when Mubarak announced that he will not run for the next election in September, but doesn't intend to leave his post until then. For most of the protesters, this isn't enough. They want him gone now, not in 8 months. Others are settling with the announcement and says that since they have lived with his rule for 30+ years, they can do it for another few months if only that means that order will be restored and that the next election will be democratic.

We weren't present in the square when the announcement was made, but we've learned through TV that dissatisfied shouts are echoing throughout the city. It remains to be seen what tomorrow will bring.

Cairo Protests - Monday 31st

2011-01-31T23:32:00.002Z

January 31^st 2011: Police are partly back in Cairo, directing the traffic or just making their presence visable. The people are still gathering in very large numbers in Tahrir Square and are preparing for tomorrow's ”Million March” which is supposed to attract over one million protesters in Cairo and Alexandria. It feels like the situation is about to reach a critical point; will the police increase its brutality during tomorrow's protests and if that's the case, what will the military do about it? Most people agree that the military is on the people's side, but they have so far been weak in their support other than that they haven't used much violence against the protesters. What worries me is the clashes that are bound to take place tomorrow or in the days to come, between police and civilians. If the police opens fire against the protesters, will the military finally stand up and defend them?

Rumours say that the protesters have given the military until February 3^rd to show their support for the people. What will happen after that remains to be seen. No clear opposition leader have stepped forward that have been widely accepted. Nobel peace prize winner Mohamed Elbaradai is undoubtly the one who have been seen the most publicly through media and says that he will lead the country in the transition period if the people want him. Many are critical to Elbaradai though, saying that he talks more to the media than to the people and that he has been away from Egypt for too long and didn't join the protests until a couple of days after the protests had begun. In my opinion, he's worthy and qualified to take over the president post until a free and fair election can take place. It would be impossible to find the perfect candidate in the heat of the moment so having a temporary leader that will listen and accept the voice of the people is good enough. Not every good change can happen in a day. During the transition period, the people of Egypt will have more time and resources to find candidates to lead the country through the reforms.

Our afternoon has been spent on hunting for food and drinks, as for most other people in Cairo. The city is running low on bread and other essentials. God knows what will happen if the businesses keep being closed for much longer. It's just been a week since the protests started. It took less than a day before the police started to be openly violent, another couple of days before the whole security broke down. Huge prison breaks, large amounts of weapons being stolen, looting, sabotage, buildings and vehicles of fire. Internet and mobile nets are shut down. It's incredible how fast the system can completely collaps. The banks are closed and people can't get their salaries. Now we're running out of food and drinks. What's next?

Swedish Radion called for a second (live) interview today. I'm happy that I get to do my part in spreading the information about what's going on in the country now that we're being cut off from the internet. I hope I'll be able to publish this along with all the videos and photos I have waiting. Keep your fingers crossed.

Cairo Protests - Sunday 30th

2011-01-30T23:30:00.003Z

January 30^th 2011: Today fighter jets started to fly low over Cairo with deafening sounds, adding yet another factor to make the city appear more and more like a war zone. The general reaction about the turn of events is that the government is trying to put fear and respect into the people and although it undoubtly is a bit frightening it hardly had the effect the government were hoping for. The curfew was implemented at 3 PM this afternoon, three hours earlier than Friday and Saturday, but few have obeyed and there are still thousands of protesters out in central Cairo.

The police have re-entered the city and are more hated and disrespected than ever before. Surely someone needs to take over the job of protecting the citizens from looting, thugs and hundereds of escaped prisoners, but it's quite clear that the police are no longer welcome among the people.

I had a violent wakeup around 7.30 this morning by sharp gun shots. Half an hour later, Swedish newspaper Expressen/GP called and requested an interview. We met in Opera Square and retired to our apartment for some ”home environment” and privacy. Shortly after, Swedish Radio called, requesting another interview. I've been frustrated of having all this material; photos, videos and surreal scens burned into my eyes, and not being able to share them. It's absolutely mandatory that the world gets to see what exactily is going on here and from what I understand the coverage in Sweden hasn't been as wide as it deserve. Of course it matters that we've been cut out from internet, but luckily images and videos have still been leaked and I've been able to follow the progress on CNN and BBC, making it possible to know what to expect before I leave the apartment.

It's more than clear that the Egyptians won't back down now. They have rosen and will stand arise until Mubarak falls. They're desperate, furious and committed to see this through. I'm honored to be among those to witness one of the biggest historical events in the Arab world. The power of many have once again been proven.

Cairo Protests - Saturday 29th

2011-01-29T12:54:00.009Z

In the suburbs women and children are hiding inside while the men are out in the streets equipped with metal bars and wooden sticks. There is no longer any police or security guards available and people are doing what they can to protect themselves from thugs and looters that have started to roam the streets. Earlier in Tahrir Square I witnessed a mob attacking a man who was said to have stolen a necklace from a woman in the street. He was hit hard with fists and kicking from around 30 men until the military grabbed him and brought him in to one of the tanks. On the other side of the square police had once again moved in and was shooting repeatedly.

It's nothing less than amazing to watch the sister- and brotherhood that is forming among the protesters. Civilians are forming human shields to protect people from walking in a direction where the police are shooting. They have also surrounded the Egyptian museum to protect it from looters and are guarding shops and are cleaning up in the streets as all community workers are gone from public areas.

Everyone is cheering and befriending eahother; muslims and christians, blacks and whites, women and men. The curfew started at 4 PM today, but I haven't heard of anyone who have obeyed this and neither have I. Everything is closed and we're currently hunting for some place where we can get food and water, but it's difficult under the circumstances. airo is in anarchy and it's only around Tahrir Square that there seems to be some kind of order, despite of (or because of) thousands of people sometimes screaming and sometimes cheering at an approaching victory.

So far I haven't met anyone who is satisfied with Mubarak's promises. The people want him gone. They don't care about his words or the announcement of a new government anymore. What they want is a new president, elected by the people, and this new president is certainly not Mubarak's son.

The mobile net has now been turned on but we're still being cut off from internet. I don't know what tonight will be like, nobody knows. But I do hope that Mubarak will acknowledge the people's demands and realize that he no longer is welcome at the party. I also hope that the military have enough resources to restore some kind of order in the city. The streets of Cairo are no longer safe, especially not after dark and people are afraid. They're standing in line at the ATM:s to empty their accounts and I'm guessing that most people, like us, are stocking up on food and drinks.

It's difficult to leave the city at the moment. Buses and trains are not running as they should to and from the city, and those who are are fully booked. We'll stay put for a few days and see what will happen.

As far as I know, Mubarak still hasn't announced his new government, and when he does it won't do any good anyways. The people of Egypt have spoken: Mubarak's days are numbered.

Cairo Protests - Saturday 3.30 AM

2011-01-29T03:30:00.000Z

Saturday 3.30 AM, January 29^th 2011: Mubarak spoke on national TV right after midnight, saying that he is firing his ministers but made it clear that he will not step down from the president post. He promised reforms and said that a new government will be appointed during the day. Obama urged the Egyptian government to refrain from violence, to keep it's promises and to open up internet and mobile nets. People's response to Mubarak's speach is far from positive. The problem is not the ministers as such, but the dictator and lack of democracy and basic rights. What the people is for the president to retire. It's too late for him to make promises that everybody knows will not be kept.

Outside our window we can hear shootings regularly now from what seem to be sharp guns, automatics and bombs. The sky occationally lights up and shouts are heard from all directions although it doesn's seem like there are that many people outside right now.

Minutes ago I watched a group of civilians having energetic talks with the military. One of them was taken away in a pickup truck. It's surreal and I wish I could contact my family to let them know that I'm ok, but I can't.

I didn't sleep well last night, for obvious reasons and I'm dead tired. I doubt I'll be able to sleep, but rest is needed as Saturday will be long and filled with more protests and catastrophies. We're going to try to find an open supermarket tomorrow so we can stack up with drinks and food as almost everything is closed. I don't know where we'll be able to get breakfast in the morning. Good night people. Be safe and continue your support for the Egyptians and all other people in the Arab world that are fighting for their freedom at this very moment.

Cairo Protests - Friday 11.30 PM

2011-01-28T23:30:00.003Z

Friday 11.30 PM: The warlike sounds from the city have decreased, although an occational gun goes off, and it seems to be a bit calmer in the streets. The police have completely surrendered and left the streets for the military to control. It's reported that the military is showing it's support for the people in some places and that they're shooting in other places. It's clear that the people are hoping that the military will take control and help to overthrow the president and inforce social, political and economic reforms that will benefit the people instead of a few rich ones.

In addition to the ruling political party's headquarters, the national TV-building has been seized and is said to be burning. Shops and businesses are being plundered and it's said that the protesters are not to be blamed, but that it is the work of security forces trying to shed a bad light on the demonstrators. Rumors also say that businessmen and women are collecting their savings and are leaving the country, but I have no way of confirming that at the moment.

The tear gas is no longer burning my face but the whole situation is so surreal that I feel like I'm part of some horrifying movie about the beginning of a war. The official death toll in Cairo is five at the moment, but my good guess is that the number can be multiplied several times. More people have lost their lifes outside of the capital. Especially Suez has been bad.

President Mubarak still haven't adressed the people and nobody knows for sure what will happen next. A probable picture of tomorrow's events is that of military in the streets, closed businesses and more protests that probably won't be just as big as they've been today. Nevertheless I've repaired my face mask in preparation for more gas canisters. Mobile nets and internet is still shut down and I'll publish this as soon as I can.

Cairo Protests - Friday 8 PM

2011-01-28T20:48:00.002Z

Friday 8 PM: As expected, massive protests spread throughout the streets in Cairo after the Friday prayers. Tens of thousands of people marched the streets chanting things like alshaab youred esgat alnezam! which means ”the population wants the system down.” All strategic spots in the city was barricaded by riot police and plaincloth police circled among the protesters. Journalists have been targeted and I've heard several stories of cameras being taken and journalists being beaten bad. The police have been using extreme violence throughout the day; shooting hundereds of canister cans with tear gas towards the masses, firing rubber bullets and water cannons. The air have been filled with gas, burning the eyes and noses. Protective face masks have been distributed among the protesters and the gas haven't stopped people from shouting out their rage.

Large groups of demonstrators have been trying to unite, but it's been difficult to get past the barricades. I've seen gas canisters flying through the air, landing in the middle of the crowds. People are using masks or scarfs to protect their faces and share advices of how to best cope with the tear gas. Cars and tired have been set afire. Amateur fire bombs have been thrown towards the police and stories of extreme police violence have been circulating all day.

Late in the afternoon a curfew was implemented, frpm 6 PM to 7 AM tomorrow morning, but few protesters have obeyed the curfew and the government's prohibition of demonstrations. Tens of thousands of people are still advancing through the city. We've been completely cut off from the rest of the world as internet and mobile nets are shut down. A while ago the military moved in to the city, which have been met with respect as they are considered to not be a part of the violent police forces. Recently military helicopter started to circulate above the city and I can constantly hear the sound from them as well as explosions and some kind of guns being fired in the distance.

President Mubarak have been expected to speak to the people on national TV this evening, but so far no announcements have been made and it's still very unclear what will happen next. Christians and muslims alike are walking side by side in the streets and everyone is very friendly and helpful towards each other. The ruling party's main building is set ablaze and clouds of smoke can be seen on the horizon in all directions. A military commander spoke on TV, urging people to respect the curfew and not force them into more violent means. He also said that he is positive that the president will listen to the people and make necessary reforms. That remains to be seen though, as Mubarak still hasn't gone public since the protests begun last Tuesday.

Cairo Protests - Friday 3 AM

2011-01-28T03:45:00.003Z

Friday 3 AM, January 28^th 2011:

The government has shut down all main servers providing internet throughout Egypt, no network is available. It's not until now that I've realized just how serious the situation is. Egypt, a country which is supposed to be a paradise full of mysterious historic sites, shisha smoking and beautiful beaches now looks more like a war zone than anything else. Our phones are being tapped. I can no longer communicate with my family or friends through internet or have a private conversation over the phone. I can't study online and I'll fall behind on papers and assignments.

The only good thing about all this is that the Egyptian government is afraid of the power of the people. They know that they are being threatened and are now fighting back by all means possible. They think that they will make it harder for the people to communicate and share information about the protests while in fact they're just giving them further reasons to continue to express their anger.

This is bad people, really, really bad. I don't even know when I'll be able to post this.

We went to get some water in a nearby shop who was about to put all their wares inside the small shop space while under normal circumstances the shop is open 24 hours. To the question about why they were doing that they said that they have to get everything inside since they'll be closed during Friday.

”Tomorrow will be catastrophic, a disaster” the shop owner said and adviced us to stay indoors and not to leave the building. Indeed, Cairo is preparing for the worst day so far during the protests. As a result of the people planning mass demonstrations after the Friday prayers, the government answered with closing down every major mosque in central Cairo. Now every muslim in the country will respond with rage and even those that didn't participate in the protests so far will undoubtly join now. We're being censored and monitored and I have no idea what it will look like here after the Friday prayers. I have to admit that I'm a bit scared.

Cairo Protests - Part VII

2011-01-27T18:47:00.003Z

January 27th, 2011: The streets in this part of downtown have been calm today, but there have been reports of protests around the city all day. The people of Cairo are preparing for the largest demonstration so far which is supposed to take place tomorrow after the Friday prayers. The government's response seems to be that all major mosques in central Cairo will be closed, which of course will make people even more upset and draw more people to the protests that up until now haven't cared much for attending.

Facebook and Twitter, as well as mobile nets, are currently shut down which is meant to make it more difficult for people to communicate and spread information about the ongoing situation in the country and tomorrow's demonstrations. I will keep on posting videos and photos here as long as it's possible and as long as I can get close enough without being in the middle of it.

Please spread these videos on Facebook, Twitter and other social medias as it's important that the world gets to see what's going on in the country now that we're being censored. Please make sure to link to my blog if you intend to use the videos and photos.

SvD, DN, SR, Reuters, The Guardian,

Cairo Protests - Part V

2011-01-26T23:51:00.002Z

January 26th, 2011: Second day of demonstrations in Cairo. Up until now the masses and police have stayed away from "my" place of downtown, but as we exited our building in the early evening of Wednesday, a couple of hundered demonstrators made their way towards Tahrir Square through our street. The group was chanting protest verses and was peaceful but angry. Police were present, but as far as I could see they mostly kept their distance from the demonstrators.

Rumours say that military are moving in in Suez, and the Egyptians have today suffered from shut down mobile nets and landlines as well as social networks like Facebook and Twitter along with some newspaper sites. In addition to at least four people that got killed during the clashes today, it is said that two more (a police and a protestor) died today but it's unsure if it was a car accident or something more directly associated with the demonstrations.

The atmosphere among the people in Cairo is tense; most people I've spoken to say that this is a very bad situation, although some of them aren't even sure what this is all about. The Guardian is continuosly, minute by minute, reporting about the situation in Egypt. Rumours say that reporters and other people who document the demonstrations by photo or camera have been rounded up by the police. Some have been driven out in the desert and many have been beaten. The police presence have been high during the whole day and it seems like they're taking no chances after Tuesday's events. All kinds of demonstrations have been prohibited, but many brave souls have defied it all over the country.

Will post a video or two later during the day.

Cairo Protests - Part VI

2011-01-26T23:51:00.001Z

January 26th, 2011: Day two. Protestors make their way to Tahrir Square via side streets as the major streets are heavely blocked by riot police. This video was shot just outside our apartment yesterday early evening.

Cairo Protests - Part IV

2011-01-25T22:44:00.003Z

January 25th, 2011: Protesters break through one of the barrikades in a side street and are approaching Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir) in central Cairo while chanting of the will to bring president Mubarak down.

Cairo Protests - Part III

2011-01-25T22:44:00.002Z

January 25th, 2011: As police forces block the main streets leading to Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir), demonstrators move to side streets where they're also met with force. In this video a group breaks through the barricade.

Cairo Protests - Part II

2011-01-25T22:44:00.001Z

January 25th, 2011: Egged police forces and protesters clash in Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir) in central Cairo on Tuesday.

Cairo Protests - Part I

2011-01-25T22:44:00.000Z

January 25th, 2011: The first demonstrations begun. We live in central Cairo and it's been hard to avoid the riots. It feels surreal. We're in the middle of something huge; I'm actually witnessing a revolution that will be read of in the history books in the future.

Massive police forces gathered in Tahrir Square (Midan Tahrir) in central Cairo in the early afternoon on Tuesday and was egged into confrontation of thousands of Cairo demonstrators on the other side of the square. As I film the event, armoured trucks started to shoot with waterguns at the protesters.

Time Travel in Old Cairo

2011-01-23T01:07:00.000Z

Today I've been one of many. Khalid brought me to old Cairo; narrow paved streets where millions of foots have walked for centuries, market stalls with eager salesmen promoting anything from "antiquities" to ornamental water pipes and lamps to scarfs and souvenirs in the shapes of pyramids, Nefertiti and golden beetles. I'm used to be the only one with a camera - I bring it pretty much everywhere and take pictures where no one else sees beauty. I prefer places that are rarely visited by tourists, I don't like hassle and avoid tourist traps as much as I can. But today, as we entered the area of Islamic Cairo, I truly understood that there's a reason why people from all over the world visit this city, and why they gather in these parts. Overlooking the annoying salesmen and false guides, the pretty face of olf Cairo shows herself and shines with glory of long gone days.

The first mosque we entered was the 625 year old Madrassa and Mausoleum of Sultan al-Zahir Barquq and although I embarressly admit that it was the first time I entered a mosque, it was an amazing introduction. Being in very old buildings, be it churches or mosques, almost always takes my breath away. Just knowing how old it is, how many people have been there and the tremendous amount of work it took to build it kinda makes you religious. The architecture and artwork still stands out, more than 600 years later, and I really hope that future generations will have the same opportunity to experience what I did today.

We spent a couple of hours sitting in a busy sheesha place in the middle of the market, listening to arab beats, smoking our pipe and drinking hot mint tea while watching people and inevitabely discussing hardcore subjects like history, science and religion. It's hard not to think along those lines in places like that, and even though we don't always agree about things, discussions like that are always rewarding.

Finding our way out of the maze of narrow streets we encountered the first tourist police to ask about our relationship. Proudly we presented our papers proving that our relationship is fully legal, allowed and that there are no shady reasons behind it. Apparently they're there to protect the tourists - that being me - but I couldn't help but feel a bit disrespected. I'm sure it's a good thing that they keep their eyes open to "protect" poor defenseless foreigners like me from the mighty evil arabs, but it makes me wonder how long we will have to prove that we're for real and that I'm not being used for some financial or stay permit reasons. Anyways, it was bound to happen sooner or later and I guess it's all good to be able to add yet another experience to the list of worldly prejudices and social rules. Once home, we were overjoyed to find out that the elevator to our rooftop apartment on the 14th floor was broken. Yeay.

Cairo: Chaotic Tranquility

2011-01-19T22:24:00.000Z

7,8 million people in a jungle of concrete, smog, chaos and bustling city life and one of them had the courage, strength and love to bring me all the way from Sweden. I didn't leave my safe haven behind, not exactily, but rather took a break from it to pick up the pieces of my life that have been scattered around the world and at a later time return as a complete person.

I'm in Cairo; a muddle of dusty streets, fabulous history, shouting people and tempting souqs. And I'm here with Khalid, the man who have seen me for who I truly am when no one else had faith in me. I consider myself to be the luckiest woman on earth right now and I have a strong feeling that I'll continue to feel that way. By chance, I was lucky enough to land in the country of pharaos and white sharks at the same time as his family whom I haven't seen since my days of glory in Sudan. From now on, they're my family too.

Cairo is fascinating, but far from the mystic legends and stories you associate Egypt with. Knowing that I would have enough time in the city, I have yet to experience the grandeur of the pyramids, the labyrinths of Islamic Cairo and the mosques. Instead I've gotten a taste of the everyday life of the Caironians. I can't imagine a furure in this city (or any other large city for that matter), but spending some time here is definitely a positive experience I'll cherish for a very long time. I prefer the personality of villages or small cities, and in a week or two we'll pack our bags, get on a night-bus and head for the Red Sea. I know I can spend a long time there without being bored or wishing to be elsewhere. But really, I'd rather be in chaotic Cairo with Khalid than in a paradise village by the sea without him.

So Long Sweden! Time to Leave the Darkness Behind

2011-01-13T18:33:00.000Z

There is something very special about the nights before a travel, no matter how old you are. It reminds me of the night before Christmas when I was just a kid, when you were so excited that it felt like your chest would burst and spew out butterflies and laughter. It's almost like that now, because the day after tomorrow, I'm leaving.

I'm nervous and happy and it feels like freedom is finally lurking behind the corner. I can almost see her. What was planned to be a month's visit in Sweden turned out to be 10 months of illness, without any money and my baby cousin got cancer. I'm 29 years old and had to stay with mum, when I wasn't in the hospital. That kinda sucked, but I know that I needed the help and at least it wasn't permanent, plus I got the chance to hang out with my darling sister and brothers. In the end, everything turned out alright. The illness mysteriously disappeared, my cousin got well after months of awful treatments and the money landed in my account just in time for Christmas shopping. And now, with a one-way ticket in my hand, I feel that I can leave that chapter of my life behind.

This is the first time I'm travelling somewhere somewhat unprepared. I'm usually very carefully planning everything; know exactily where to stay, where to buy what, what to see and what to expect about the people and culture, what the traffic is like, the climate, taxi costs, everything. But not this time. This time I'm giving in to the excitement of finding it out once I get there, but then of course I already have someone who knows all the things I don't yet know. It feels great to have the freedom and at the same time be able to rely on someone else to take care of all the practicalities.

Most of my friends and family don't even know I'm leaving now. The one-way ticket was booked recently and suddenly the day just arrived. So, for those who want's to say hi before I go, the doors will be open tomorrow afternoon and evening. And if you can't make it tomorrow, then come visit when I live in that paradise town down south! My place will always be open to near and dear ones, wherever I currently am. Hopefully in a month or two, when I've spent some time in the bustling smoggy city, I'll be close to picturesque beaches where I'm sure some of you won't mind come visit!

I'll be back of course. I'll always be back, but this time I'm not sure if it will be in a few months or much longer. I still hope it will be within a year though. Let's see how that goes.

A Madman is Driving my Life

2011-01-10T17:54:00.001Z

Living my life is like sitting in the back of a car with a madman for a driver. I mostly know my destination, but never how or when I will get there. It's for good and for bad; I've experienced horror rides, thrills that pumped me with adrenaline, slow and boring ones and steady rides without any surprises or flat tires. I would be a fool to say that my life is dull: it's been a thrill - still is actually. Nowadays I'm reluctant of announcing my next "moves", wether it's about education, work, physically moving some place, travelling, anything. People rarely take me seriously, not because I don't go through with my plans, but because it usually seems like they're not leading anywhere. But if you scratch on the surface, dig a little deeper into the meaning of the things I do, then those who knows me will see that I'm really actually going somewhere. Slowly for sure, but still steady.

I'm not just gliding through life without ever thinking of settling down. For me, it just takes a bit longer than for most others. I could have settled down years ago; gotten married, produced a couple of kids, bought a house and have a steady job. But that's not me. Maybe I would have been satisfied for a couple of years, but then what? Roving around may seem to others like wasting time, but I see it as an investment for a more long term happiness. And this thing about settling down... I don't know if there is such a thing in my vocabulary to be honest. I don't see why it's so important to stay in one place for the rest of one's life. No, I want to continue to see the world even after I have a husband and kids. Those things are not obstacles. Surely it takes more planning to travel with a bunch of kids, but it's still possible, even rewarding.

Since I got back to Sweden last March, I've done little. I've been gathering some university points to add to my soonish Bachelor degree and freshening up from a pain in the ass illness that had be basically decked for all spring and summer. It's not until now, when I look back, that I realize how ill I actually was. Thank goodness that part is over. And now it's time to move on, take a huge leap to make up for a few lost months to catch up with my life. Sweden is great, but it's at it's greatest when you're away from it and realize how much about it there is to miss.

Real Life Fairytales

2011-01-04T20:18:00.001Z

Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart in "Casablanca

They're all around you; those stories that people frown upon because they seem too good to be true, which in most cases they turn out to be. But sometimes, rarely I agree, people really experience things with a happy ending and sometimes they actually do live happily ever after. I'd like to tell you a short story:

In the beginning of the 1900's, the Swedish countryside looked pretty much like they do in the movies. Out in the west, in a place covered in picturesque yellow fields, lush oak and birch forrests and glimmering streams and lakes a teenage girl named Helga was one day walking uphill with a friend when they passed a small red cottage with white corners and an open window. Through the window, a sweet violin melody streamed. Many years later, Helga explained that she fell in love in that moment.

The man with the violin was called Erik, and in not too long Helga and Erik became a couple. They soon got married and had two children - they lived in that same place in the countryside their whole lives. As the couple grew older, Helga became senile and lost her memory. One thing she did remember and loved was how Erik used to play the violin and sing to her, so until the end he used to sit next to her and play, and when his arms weren't as they used to anymore, he just sang. She remembered the lyrics and sang when she could, then just hummed.

They grew old together - very old. Both of them reached beyond 90 years old and until the end, they sat next to each other in the kitchen sofa, kissing each others cheeks, talking and holding hands. When Helga passed away, Erik sat in front of the chapel crying out loud: "My dear little Helga... My little Helga!" They had then been married for over 70 years.

Whenever I loose fait in love, I think about them; my great grandparents. Now, although my story is very different from theirs, I believe I'm the lead character in another fairytale. We met in a war ridden country in Sudan as a teacher and student, stayed together for a while but was torn apart by circumstances that none of us could influence. For three years, we nearly hated each other, couldn't even be in the same room. But then something happened. Our roads once again met, even though it was completely unlikely, and now that big puzzle is finally filled out with more and more pieces for each day that passes. It's not complete yet, and I doubt if it ever will be, but at least it starts to look like a picture now.

The fairytale is now taking me out of the country, to a place where language is used with passion and the sunset paints the sky with fire. I'm going to begin writing the second chapter of this story there, and where it will take us next, I don't know. What I do know, is that there is no turning back this time. It's already written in stone and for once in my life I feel completely at ease, even happy, to be powerless. To not being able to change the course of events this time is bliss, because I know it will take me to where I should have been all along.

My Tribute to a Tiny Hero

2010-12-19T20:00:00.000Z

The story began in early spring. A mother of three noticed a bump on her youngest son's back. She saw doctors, made tons of phone calls, begging for help. Everyone, including me, said that it was probably nothing, maybe just an enlarged muscle and his crying could just be colic, nothing to worry about. But she didn't give up, she knew something was wrong. When everyone tried to convince her of not to worry, a feeling inside her developed. A couple of months her own father, my grandfather, had passed away in cancer and she got convinced that her newborn too, had some type of cancer. Us near and dear ones became worried, not for the baby, but for her. Her anxiety paralysed us, while it encouraged her to get the help she needed.

One day, the baby's legs went limp. He was constantly crying, couldn't get any rest. At last a doctor sent us to the hospital, where more doctors examined him. Yes, the bump was still there and his legs did in fact not work as should be normal. They said that it could just be an enlarged muscle, something harmless, but they couldn't rule out other reasons. Off we went to Queen Silvia's Children's Hospital in Göteborg, where an MRI was performed. The waiting for the results was painful, to say the least, but it was nothing compared to when the results finally came. Yes, it's a tumour. The baby has Neuroblastoma, cancer.

The following months consisted of cytostatic drugs that put down the baby's immune system and a lot of the family's strength and happiness. Still, no one gave up, because seeing his smile even when he was at his lowest, gave all of us the courage to continue, to do what needed to be done both for him and for his mother and brothers. As sick as he was, he was the source of our will, the one that lead all of us back and forth to hospitals, to take turns in handling the daily tasks, to keep life going even when it was at its darkest.

One autumn day, we were waiting for an answer from the latest MRI; either there would be more cytostatics or there would be a surgery. Either of the options would mean more hard work, more difficult feelings to handle, more struggeling. Then the doctor finally called. The baby didn't need any more treatment - and non surgery either! My first thought was that "shit, so there's nothing more they can do for him? This is it?". But no, what it meant was that he was done. The tumour was no longer a threat to him and the tiny bit that was still tucked in in his back would do him no harm. Eventually it would turn into harmless nerve tissue.

One more thing needed to be taken care of; the CVC, a tube in his chest where he had gotten his treatments through. It was there as an evil memory of a nasty disease that could have resulted in something unimaginable. Then two days ago, we finally got an appointment for the simple surgery that would remove the CVC. All that remains now is a tiny, healing wound in his chest and a plaster. Maybe he will get a small scar, but who cares? The cancer is gone, it will be no more and he will get to live a completely normal childhood, loved by so so many. This baby, and his mother, gave me hope. They proved to me that even when things seems hopeless, everything can still be alright in the end. Sure, the road there can truly suck, it can make you suffer, be in horrible pain and anxiety, but you can get through it.

Jamie, you are my hero; a tiny tiny hero that have accomplished much more than most adults I know of. You will have no memory of what you've (and all of us) have been through, but I hope you will always know how very special you are!

To Think of Nothing

2010-12-14T13:57:00.000Z

At times I find myself in a state where I appear to think of nothing. Most of the people I've spoken to say that they've never experienced it, so I decided to do some digging to find out if it's possible or not. Let's start with Rene Descartes' idea of "Cogito ergo sum," which means "I think, therefore I am." If we accept that, then it should also be true that if I don't think, then I don't exist, or at least that thinking is fundamental for the human consience to exist.

In DaMo Qigong, (here simplified) excercises can teach you how to think of nothing. By first focusing your thought of darkness, a void where nothing exists, you return to the time before your birth. Before birth, you could have no conscious thought since you have seen or heard nothing; your mind had not enough "food" to develop thoughts as we know them. Similar experiences can be achieved through meditations practiced around the globe and what's similar between these experiences are that the people who have gone through them still describe to have been in a state of hightened consciousness. How is consciousness possible withouth though?

If you sit/lay down and decide to focus your mind of nothing, then that's exactily what you're thinking of. Nothing is the opposite of something and in order to undo the thought of something in your head, you first have to be aware of the "somethingness", leading to an impossible task since undoing the something actually is a thought process. There is always a stream of consciousness rushing through your head and if you find yourself unaware of the thoughts, then they've been running on a subconsious level. My question, however, is what's really going on in your head when you find yourself in that empty state, i.e when it's not forced or something that you've consciously tried to achieve. I haven't found an answer to this so far, but my guess is that I do, in fact, think of something. A void for example, even though I'm not aware of it until when I "wake up" from the state. Maybe I even return to that time before birth without being aware of it. It's a mystery yet to be solved!

Swedish Christmas Traditions II

2010-12-13T15:49:00.002Z

Saint Lucy

Early in the morning on December 13th, a woman dressed in white and with a crown of candles on her head, can be seen in the front of a procession of white dressed female attendants, "star boys" and brownies. The front woman is called Lucia and she represents a Sicilian martyr and saint that died under emperor Diocletianus persecutions. Legends claim that before her death, the virgin ripped her own eyes out and sent them to her betrothed. The mother of God then provided her with a new set of eyes that were even more beautiful.

In English, this feast goes by the name "Saint Lucy's Day" or "Feast of St. Lucy." Kindergardens, schools , churches and choires arrange these processions which parents are attending. Different Lucias are voted for in cities around the country, usually based on their looks and voice, similar to beauty contests.

A recurring problem during Lucia celebrations in Sweden seem to be fainting. Some claim that the cause of fainting is that the candles in the hair "eats up" the oxygen in your brain. This, however, is a myth. The explanation behind the phenomenon is simply low blood pressure from heat, psychological pressure and from standing up for a long time. So if you plan to delight your neighborhood by spreading the light of Lucia, make sure to drink lots of water and sit down with your head between your knees if the dizziness creeps upon you!

The initial song that the Lucia procession sings as they enter the room is "Sankta Lucia", which is also sung as they exit. Here's a translation in English:

Night walks with a heavy step
Round yard and hearth,
As the sun departs from earth,
Shadows are brooding.
There in our dark house,
Walking with lit candles,
Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia!

Night walks grand, yet silent,
Now hear its gentle wings,
In every room so hushed,
Whispering like wings.
Look, at our threshold stands,
White-clad with light in her hair,
Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia!

Darkness shall take flight soon,
From earth's valleys.
So she speaks
Wonderful words to us:
A new day will rise again
From the rosy sky…
Santa Lucia, Santa Lucia!

Wake up World!

2010-12-07T17:43:00.001Z

I have to say it; no matter if your for or against WikiLeaks, it's clear that the witch hunt of Julian Assange and the organization is far more freightening than the information that is being leaked. The world has participated in elections on false causes. How can a state claim to be democratic when we don't have the correct information to base our votes on? No, thanks to WikiLeaks, leaders around the world are standing with their pants down both in the sense of being ready to be fucked in the ass by USA and for their citizens to see them for what they really are. Except for PayPal's and Amazon's guile, both MasterCard and Visa now refuse to accept payments to WikiLeaks, saying that it's against the companies rules to directly or indirectly promote illegal actions. Now this is strange. WikiLeaks hasn't been prosecuted or condemned with any crime. Is it really a crime to tell the truth? Yes, in dictatorships.

Julian Assange turned himself in to the London police earlier today. It's still unclear if he will be submitted to Sweden, but he's being held in jail and refused bail until December 14th because of a "high risk for escape." Assange write in a public letter:

We are the underdogs. The Gillard government is trying to shoot the messenger because it doesn't want the truth revealed, including information about its own diplomatic and political dealings.

It's sick and highly alarming. The west has never been in such an obvious malfeasance, bent by the mighty USA that rather lets their own people starve and suffer than give up their aggressive foreign policies, anything to let the rest of the world understand who is their true leader and what happens if they would refuse to bend themselves to their will. I want to see more democratic journalism, that serve the readers and not the banks or governments driven by their slimy lust for power and money. People are worth more than that and it's time for us to make use of the power of the masses. 40 years from now I don't want to sit in a constantly monitored old people's home with cracked concrete walls and crappy food, and through my barred windows watch a world that fell apart and know that I could have done something about it.

This is my way of taking a stand. Spread the information and support WikiLeaks in any way you can. Demonstrate, write letters, boycot the cowardly companies that think they can judge what is legal and what isn't to gain respect from Big Brother. Even though the press are too afraid to give their support, you don't have to be. Make your children and grandchildren proud, give them the opportunity to one day tell their children how brave their grandmother was, to stand up for democracy, free information and freedom of expression.

Edit: The witch hunts for Assange and WikiLeaks are as far as we know two different cases (Assange is being accused for sexual assault, but some believes it to be a setup). I do not claim that Assange is either guilty or not guilty, which I write more about in my previous post Freedom is Slavery. I do claim, however, that WikiLeaks, as an organization, is doing the right thing by spreading the documents given to them. Wether that's legal or not doesn't really matter, I still believe it to be right and a step in the right direction for true democracy.

Freedom is Slavery?

2010-12-05T01:22:00.001Z

Winston Smith lives in a society where the people at all times are subordinated to the state; everyone is under constant governmental surveillance, both physically and mentally. Mind control and a new language, Newspeak, is developed to prevent the people from critical thinking. Through a telescreen, propaganda is streaming in every home and public place and monitors the people. Throughout the society posters of Big Brother warns the people: BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

This dystopian society is described in George Orwell's novel Nineteen Eighty-Four and was written in 1948-1949; a fantastic novel, but it is so much more than that. Orwell's intention was to warn people of the effects of the Eastern states that were forming during the time of writing. But the warning was not solely of Communism and Fascism, but of a future development that would affect all nations, no matter of their political foundation. His visions about oppressing dictatorships are slowly creeping upon the West today; we are being monitored, media is far from impartial, freedom of information and expression are only pretty words that governments use to manage the masses.

As no one can have missed: WikiLeaks' publishing of classified documents have caused governments to sway. Hillary Clinton describes the leaks as "an attack on the world" and WikiLeak have been cut out from Pay Pal for "violation of the PayPal Acceptable Use Policy, which states that our payment service cannot be used for any activities that encourage, promote, facilitate or instruct others to engage in illegal activity." The organization have also been dropped from Amazon.com Inc. that acted as a website host for breaching terms of service. In Sweden, the public is expressing it's outrage for PayPal's cowardice. WikiLeaks have not been proved guilty of any crime, on the contrary they have published documents that by all means concern the public. Governments have been revealed to commit crimes against humanity in these documents and any information that directly affect our societies are our concern. We are being monitored by governments and now WikiLeak, in a way, monitors the governments. I salute them.

WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, and IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.

- Slogan of the Brotherhood, Nineteen Eighty-Four

WikiLeaks' frontman, Julian Assange, is being accused for sex crimes of two Swedish women. Many believes this to be a setup and I'm not qualified to judge what is true and what isn't. But what is true is that Assange is merely a face of a much larger organization. His actions or personal qualities have little to do with the values and distinctions of WikiLeak. The fight for freedom and democracy will continue with or without him. The world is finally reacting now that the disclosures are on tabloids all around the globe. It is my sincere hope that the leaders will realize that their actions no longer can be done behind our backs, that they will be forced down on their knees and see that governments are meant to serve the people, not the other way around.

Do the world a favor and cancel your accounts on PayPal and Amazon (and tell them why). Ways to donate to WikiLeaks and support their struggle for free information can be found here.

Swedish Christmas Traditions I

2010-11-28T18:35:00.001Z

It's now 4PM and the temperature is holding steady at -2 degrees Celcius. Powder light snow corns are circling peacefully in the air and the light of the day is now a memory. My head is throbbing with pain of an approaching migraine, but I swollowed a painkiller and endure it; this Sunday marks the beginning of the coziest of the Swedish holidays. Four weeks of warm hearth fires, hot chocolate and mum's Christmas bread lies ahead. No other holiday is so full of joy as this one; no other holiday brings families and friends together than this one.

Christmas season generally starts around 1st of Advent, the fourth Sunday before Christmas Day. The word advent derrives from the latin word adventus, meaning "arrival" which indicates the coming of the Lord. Sometime during the 1930's the Swedes started to hang Advent stars in their windows, a tradition coming from Germany and symbolizes the star of Betlehem that lead the three wise men to the child Jesus. On this Sunday, a candlestick with four candles start to decorate the Swedish homes and the first candle is lit. Every Sunday until Christmas, one more candle is lit. An electrical candlestick is placed in the windows, usually with seven candles in the shape of an upturned V. Traditionally, lights are lit in the windows around this time to light up the way for people on their way to the early Christmas-morning services in church.

At the same time the "Julskyltning" starts, a word that could be translated as "Display Sunday" and refers to the time when shops start to decorate their windows for Christmas. Where I live, in a small village in the south-western parts of the country, this is an important and popular occurence. There aren't many shops in the village, but this has been compensated with a small fair, with lotteries, sale of traditional hot mull wine and gingerbread biscuits and a Santa parade which ends with Santa Claus himself is giving out sweets to the little ones.

Independence for Western Sahara

2010-11-26T14:28:00.003Z

Outside Laayoune, Western Sahara

The Moroccans are a proud people, with a relatively open society that is steadily moving towards a just legal system and acceptance of diversity, except on one matter. If you're planning of going there, I only have one advice; do not discuss the status of Western Sahara unless you're prepared for a heated argument. The opinion of the rest of the world lean towards the recognition of the area as an independent state, but in Morocco, even the most educated and aware people refuse to accknowledge the suppression of hundered thousands of people.

The region had been under Spanish rule for almost a hundered years when the International Court of Justice in 1975 decided to reject Morocco's and Mauretania's claims of the territory. Spain agreed to arrange a referendum, as the International Court of Justice recognized the Saharawis' right to self-determination. But Morocco countered with the "Green March", sending 300.000 Moroccans into the territory for settlement. But the Moroccans' version of the story is a tiny bit different:

On the 6th of November 1975, civilian Moroccans marched across Moroccan Sahara seeking independence from Spain. This was known as the "Green March", because green symbolised peace. Spain finally came to an agreement with Morocco for independence of Moroccan Sahara.

- Moroccansaharawi.com

This happening forced Spain to a settlement with Morocco and Mauretania - the Madrid Agreement. Morocco got two thirds in the north and Mauretania got the left-overs, ending the Spanish colonial rule. A couple of months later, the Polisario declared the Saharan Arab Democratic Republic (SADR). Two years later, the Mauretanian government made a peace deal with Polisario after a coup, and resigned all territorial claims, resulting in further Moroccan occupation.

Guerilla wars between Polisario and Morocco occured until 1991 and an attempted referendum lead by the United Nations Mission for a Referendum in Western Sahara (MINURSO) failed. Talks and negotiations between different parties have been an ongoing process ever since, without any progress. A couple of weeks ago blood was shed during a clash between Moroccan security forces and what was reputedly preaceful protesters near Laayoune, the capital of Western Sahara. The protesters had gathered at a camp outside the city to protest against the harsh Moroccan rule and were raided by the Moroccan army and police. Some 20.000 Sahrawis had gathered at the camps for over a month, mostly ignored by the press. According to Morocco, 10 out of 12 dead belonged to the security forces. Polisario however, claims that 20 died and around 1000 were wounded in the clash. Spain are now accusing Morocco for war crimes against humanity.

The situation today according to Morocco is as follows:

Although Moroccan Sahara gained independence from Spanish control, a small group known as "Polisario" (supported by the Algerian government and some communist countries throuout the cold war), refused to be governed by Morocco. This led to many Moroccan Saharawi civilians being kidnapped by the Polisario, taken to Tindouf in Algeria and kept as refugees.

Although some have managed to escape and return to Morocco, many are still under the control of the Polisario and Algerian government.

- Moroccansaharawi.com

The UN recognize Polisario as the legitimate representative of the Sahrawi people. The EU, although not recognizing the SADR, supports the right of self-determination of the Sahrawi people, but does not recognize the Polisario front. The African Union (AU) fully recognize the SADR. The Arab League supports Morocco's claims of the region.

Whichever way you look at it (and I'm not going to write down more things that can be googled) it's clear that neither Morocco or Polisario are playing clean - crimes have been committed on both sides. Rabat is currently offering Western Sahara autonomy, but Polisario are still demanding a referendum for complete independence. The region is occupied, there is no better term for it, and it is my opinion that Morocco should recognize this and give the Western Sahara the independence they have sought for so long. It is my wish that the people of Morocco will realize this, have the courage to stand up and put pressure on the government.

How one Person can Change the World

2010-11-25T15:28:00.000Z

"I've got power!"

Billions of people live their lives convinced that their actions are insignificant, that there is no way that a single person's choices can actually change anything. Those billions of people are wrong, and this is my attempt of proving just that.

Once upon a time, a boy was born into a colonialized country. His childhood was ordinary, maybe with the exception of having an influential politician as a father. He got the chance to study in London and work in South Africa, where he experienced discrimination, racism and prejudice first hand and helped form a movement to improve the rights of his people. During a mass protest against the discriminating laws, he called for a non-violent protest and acceptance of punishment when defying the law. His concept spread and he was soon an influential representative for his home country, where he returned to, among other things, help his people to independence. His weapon was a non-cooperative, non-violent and peaceful resistance which became widespread throughout the society. Violence occured, however, and he was imprisoned for two years. A few years later, in a protest against the tax of salt, he begun his 388 km long march to make salt himself. Thousands followed him and the act upset the government, resulting in 60.000 political prisoners who was later released. During the following years, the man got arrested, went on a six day fast, almost got assassinated three times, fasted for 21 days in protest, got arrested again and was finally shot dead during a prayer meeting. The country was finally liberated from the British and his name is closely associated with the accomplishment. His name was Mohandas Karamchad Gandhi.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

-Gandhi

Agnes Gonxa Bojaxhiu was born in Skopje, Macedonia, in 1910. At an early age she felt a spiritual calling and joined the Loreto Sisters, a Catholic order, and was eventually sent as a missionary in India. There, she noticed the poverty in the slum and wanted to do something about it. She didn't have any money, so she started an outdoor school for children in the slum and soon got both volunteers and funds. With the funds, she expanded the charity, reaching the elders and the lepers as well as abandoned and orphaned children. Her goodness and her felt duty to mankind was always unselfish and her charity is now spread throughout the world with funds from all over, including the Vatican. Today she is known as Mother Teresa.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.

- Mother Teresa

Born into a wealthy Swedish family, a man became a diplomat in Budapest, Hungary. Together with a fellow diplomat, he rented 32 buildings throughout the city, declaring them extraterritorial, protected by diplomatic immunity. In these buildings, he secretly provided shelter to around 10.000 Jews and providing them with passports, rescuing them from the Holocaust. In 1945 he was suspected of being a spy for the USA and was called to a Soviet military commander. Two months later he was announced dead, killed by either the Cross Arrow Party or the Gestapo, but his death was suspicious. In 2000, a Soviet historian and politician announced that the man had been executed in 1947 in Lubyanka prison. The hero's name was Raoul Wallenberg.

If people have such great expectations, then it can only help them. From their faith and confidence, they'll gain the strength to resist. If they believe the passes are legitimate and powerful, then they may convince others, even the police, that they're powerful.

- Raoul Wallenberg

In 1948, a young man interested in boxing and running, became active in politics opposing a law that segregated blacks from whites in his home country. As a lawyer, he and a collegue started a law firm providing free or next to free services for black people that lacked attorney representation. He initially adapted Gandhi's concept of non-violence resistance and was arrested for treason along with 150 others but later became leader of an armed wing of the left-wing party, arranging sabotage of military and government targets (even guerilla wars should this fail) in an attempt to end the segregation. He was imprisoned for 27 years, during which his reputation as a black leader grew. In 1990 he was released from prison, a happening that was broadcasted all over the world, and returned to the leadership of the party. Four years later his party won the election, making him the country's first black president. His name is Nelson Mandela and recieved the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993.

A man does not become a freedom fighter in the hope of winning awards.

- Nelson Mandela

People like these live among us today. They could be your neighbours - they could be you. All it takes to make a difference, big or small, is a committment to change what you think is wrong, not for the sake of fame or recognition, but for the sake of the goodness in your heart. Think of your word or action as a snowball that you start to roll from a high mountain top. In the beginning you won't see much difference, but after a while the ball will grow larger and larger, ending up in a huge globe that will take down anything in its way; buildings and forests, whole villages. It doesn't take much. A single world of solidarity, or an argumenting against something unjust, can be that small push that will cause the snowball to roll.

Still not convinced? Check this out:

Pay it Forward Foundation was established to encourage students to realize that they can change the world and provide them with opportunities to do so. The foundation was created by the author of the book "Pay it Forward" which is also made as a movie by the same name.
Richard Attenborough's movie "Gandhi" from 1982 is amazing and well worth a watch for anyone that needs renewed hope for mankind.
Read the list of 100 People Who Made a Difference and get inspired.

You Shall Rise

2010-11-24T12:44:00.000Z

In 2007 Mattafix released this song, "Living Darfur", to raise funds and awareness of the situation of the war stricken, torn and suffering people in the western parts of Sudan. The video was shot in eastern Chad on the border of Darfur and was funded by Mick Jagger. More than 200.000 people have died in the conflicts and over one million have been forced away from their homes. Whole villages have been burned and the UN have accused pro-government Arab militia for ethnic cleansing against non-Arab locals.

What's going on in Darfur has been called genocide, although too few people are aware of the seriousness of the situation. My heart is breaking for the suffering people that have lost their families and friends, forced away from their homes and suppressed by the government. It's unbelievable that something like this can happen today. We've said "never again" so many times that words turned empty. We don't need more words, written agreements and peace talk. What we need, is action.

Culture Crashes

2010-11-23T20:32:00.000Z

There's been a lot of talk about Sweden's failure in integrating its immigrants. Some blame it solely on the Swedes, that they are discriminating and unsympathetic. This may be true, but it's only one reason of a complex situation. To get a better understanding of the difficulties of integration into a new society, all you have to do is to travel abroad, to any country which some of the immigrants are representing in our society. The only societies outside of Sweden that I can claim to have some kind of knowledge about is Morocco and Sudan, in which the latter is the one that is furthest away from my own.

When I found out that I was going to Sudan, it was on pretty short notice, but I did my best to get as prepared as possible. Except for the traditional travel preparations like basic phrases, some 15 different vaccinations, passport and the like, I did some reading about the culture. I was already aware of the culture crashes I would experience, although I didn't have a clear picture of which these crashes would be. Which ever way I looked, I always ended up focusing on the Muslim society. I had never lived in one before and had all the expectations, fears and prejudices that everyone else has that don't have a closer knowledge of it. I was going to the capital, Khartoum, and was a 100% sure that I would have to cover my hair whenever I stepped out of the house, that I shouldn't look men in the eye and that I couldn't discuss politics or religion as such.

I landed on a midnight in the end of August. It was some 40 degrees Celcius, humid and a minor sand storm, haboob, was brushing my face. We went straight to the house, which had lost the electricity because of the haboob and it wasn't until the next morning that I got to see where I had landed. I wanted a cold drink, so nervously I covered up, wrapped my head in a scarf, carefully tucking in all visible hair strands, and went out to look for the closest shop. The houses in the neighbourhood were all secured with high walls and guards, the dust road was uneven and the sun was merciless and - everyone was looking at me.

Not long after, when I had befriended several westerners in the area, I learned that it wasn't required to cover your hair, at least not for a westerner. Looking a man in the eye or shaking his hand was usually not a problem either. Sure, there were those that were more conservative than others, but those were a minority. Basically I learned that most of the things I had expected and feared about this society, weren't true at all.

The conclusion is that even though I eventually found my place in the Sudanese society, accepted and got accepted, I never got integrated. True, I didn't live there long enough to get the chance to fully integrate and I didn't have time to learn the language fluently. And truth his, even if I would have had the chance, I don't think I'd ever be able to integrate fully. I would, of course, follow the laws, live among them, befriend them and love them, but I would never become a Sudanese. But what's more important is that it wouldn't matter, because I would be accepted anyways. Even if I would never be exactily like those who were born there, they would still see me as an equal and welcome me into their society. So, if the immigrants in Sweden do the same, which most of them do, why can't we treat them the same way as they would treat us?

Sudan - Love thy Neighbour!

2010-11-18T14:05:00.002Z

In January 2011 there is planned to be held a referendum for independence for Southern Sudan, but the UN and various NGOs are already stocking up emergency equipment and food, preparing for conflicts. The chances are big that the referendum will either be delayed, or that the results of it will cause the peace agreements to be jeapordized. It's very likely that the Christian south will vote for independence and many are thought to vote in protest of the Muslim-ruled Khartoum government. I even think that it's likely that there will be pre-election conflicts; the shed of blood because of peoples' insecurities before the results. The Muslim north are afraid of loosing control over the oil rich south, and the Christian south are afraid of the north to not let them go no matter of the government's promises of respecting the outcome of the election.

It's a tense situation already and it's not likely that it will get less so. I'm still hoping of being able to go there to write my final thesis in pedagogy, but if things go as experts have predicted, it doesn't seem like a very good idea. Maybe things would be less violent in Khartoum, if a conflict would rise, but it's still an uncertain situation. Protests and demonstrations will probably not be very peaceful and there are bound to be deaths in even the safest places in the country.

It breakes my heart. A country that has already seen so much suffering and death are now balancing on the border of yet another civil war. I hope with everything I have, that the weight will tip the mass to the right side of the border of peace and war, and that no more lives will be lost because of something that should be the beginning of a new, peaceful chapter. Sudan could be the good example for neghbouring countries to follow. This could end so well, yet history seems to repeat itself. UN are stocking up with food supplies in critical areas and Ban Ki-moon says that the potential for "unintended conflict" is high.

My dear, beloved Sudanese friends: Show the world the goodness of people. Be patient and consequent, love your country and everyone in it, Christian or Muslim, oil-rich or not. A new border is not something that should cause death and suffering to your neighbours, or yourself. If the south votes for independence, then be happy that a just, democratic election was seen through and that the masses got to have their say. Share the oil supplies fairly and continue to love one another. But don't take anything out in advance. The outcome of the election is yet to be shown.

Practice what you preach; your religion is one of peace.

Muhammed said: Hurt no one so that no one may hurt you.

Jesus said: Love thy neighbour.

Sweden - Not so Perfect

2010-11-17T16:59:00.000Z


"A helping hand"

According to Newsweek, Sweden is the world's third best country to live in. Many thinks of the Swedish society as an idyll, and that for many good reasons; you can express your thoughts and feelings however you want, you can criticize the government openly, demonstrate against what you think is wrong. You can be openly bi- or homosexual, practice any religion you want to, have the right to form and join work unions. Marriage is not a necessity to form a family, nor is it an issue to be a single parent. Anyone can study at the university - and get a student's loan. If you get sick, you get sickness benefits. When you become a parent, you get parental allowance and if you loose your job you either get unemployment benefits or social assistance - you don't have to worry about becoming homeless or go hungry.

It's agreed that it's hard to find many societies as free and democratic as the Swedish, but to what cost? Mayhap Sweden is a paradise, but how are the government and major companies using this concept? I have listed a few publicly disclosures that may change your view of the perfectness of Sweden:

Lundin Oil is blamed for contributing to the vicious civil war in southern Sudan when they decided to explore and extract oil from an area called Block 5A, which triggered a bloody fight for control over the area between 1997 and 2003. The company is accused for knowing of the war crimes they have caused; ranging from mass rapes to people being forced to displacement.
Saab signs a 4,5 billion kronor deal with Saudi Arabia this fall. This specific deal was concerning advanced early warning radar systems. Military products were also sent in March, April and May, most of which were classified as combat material, which can include "missiles, rockets, torpedoes, bombs, etc." A subsidiary, Saab Bofors Dynamics, were earlier in the year reported to have sold anti-tank missiles to the same country. “We’re talking about one of the world’s worst dictatorships. We can’t send weapons to dictatorships that should be buying food instead,” Green Party defence policy spokesperson Peter Rådberg says.
WikiLeaks publishes a document revealing Swedish weapons to be used in the war in Iraq, not only by Americans against the Iraqis, but also the other way around. WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, was denied recidence permit in Sweden earlier this year.
Furniture company IKEA are revealed to use child labour in the Philippines and Vietnam in 1997.
Managers from Scania, a truck making company, are charged for violating United Nations sanctions for being part of bribing the former Iraqi regime of Sadam Hussein. The bribes paid reached millions of Swedish kronor.
Atlas Copco Group is a mining equipment and services supplier that have been accused of repeatedly violating human and environmental rights and standards. "NGOs have charged that AGC has forcibly evicted, persecuted and killed local villagers, destroyed villages and destroyed water and agricultural land by discharging cyanide and other heavy metals." says OECD Watch.
Clothing giant H&M use certified organic cotton that isn't actually organic, making the company guilty of fraud. They also got a lot of criticizm for discarding unused clothing instead of giving it away to charity.

You can continue to dig and search for corruption and violations and certainly find whatever you're looking for and I'm aware of that this small list is somewhat to pull information out of it's context. But my point with this is that even though something seems good, even perfect, there is always room for improvement. This applies to everything in life and I think it's a good rule to live by; don't ever take things for granted.

Self Punishing Drama Queens

2010-11-16T18:13:00.001Z

If one wonders why I keep on publishing less than polite comments in my blog, it's because I don't feel the need to hide anything. True, I have chosen to not publish a few, comments that shed a bad light on my person and the people around me, but the rest are out in the open. As I've stated earlier; I refuse to be censured and will not censure others unless I have a very good reason to. This is after all, my blog, where I choose the contents and write about what's in my heart and on my mind. No one is forced to read it, and if one for some reason would feel bad/sad/upset/annoyed/insert any other negative emotion, then I suggest you simply forget the address and stop reading right here.

I'm living my life in honesty. Days of denial and lies belong to the past - they lead nowhere but downhill. I have had my fair amount of people around me that have seemed to be drawn to any kind of drama - anything to relieve them of their dull every day life. These are people that gossip, fish for information (true or false) and keep on punishing themselves by doing things that really don't make them feel any better at all. They read their partner's texts and emails, they tell all their friends about their suspected alcoholic neighbor, they keep track on their exes and devote their lives to make life hell for anyone that don't want to share their drama.

This blog has turned into a soap opera - far from my initial intentions, and for that I appologize. I'm partly guilty for it, for I have encouraged the drama by trying to "defend" myself from stupid and meaningless comments. By giving them the attention, I have encouraged them to continue. I'm aware of the consequences this post might have, but my point in writing this is simply to state that I'm done. No more of that. I'll continue to publish comments if I find them suitable, but I will not reply to rude or impolite comments.

A Modern Layla and Majnun - Part II

2010-11-11T22:03:00.000Z

If you haven't already, read A Modern Layla and Majnun - Part I first. Now, let's continue the story...

On the return to Sweden, the woman went straight to looking for an apartment that they both could be happy in. The man was still in Sudan, but on a cold October night he stepped out of the airplane in Stockholm. A new chapter of their lives had just begun.

Shortly after their longed for reunion, the woman, who had suffered from depressions for many years, was again stricken with the dark cloud of angst. It became more and more difficult for her to see through it and eventually she ended up blind to the world's happiness. She was so blinded by her angst that she failed to see the slow fall of her beloved. The man was new to the country and the culture. He didn't understand a word of what was being said in the streets and his pride took a punch when he realized how difficult it would be to get a job in this cold country.

The relationship was going down and neither the woman or man had the strength to save it. One cold evening, about a year after he first arrived to Sweden, he went to the bus station and left.

Three years went by. They met occationally and the atmosphere were always tensed. The tension sometimes escalated to hate. The man was upset with the way the woman lived her life, and the woman was upset because she thought that it no longer was his concern.

Then one day, the man decided to leave Sweden. Since he had developed a good relationship with the woman's family, he came to visit more frequently now that he knew that it might be a long time that he could see them again, if ever. The woman, who realized that the man was about to leave for good, slowly started to soften to his words. The days grew closer to the departure, and with that, the angst of again loosing him. He had, after all, always been close. She had known that she could see him more or less whenever she wanted to, but now, that was about to change.

The night before the departure, there was an explosion of emotions. The air in the room, where the man and woman was sitting, was literally static with electricity and so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Although they hardly even touched, just sat and looked at eachother and ocationally talked about nonsense, a long lost connection was rebuild. Their souls entwined, their hearts beat the same rythm and a blessing was laid upon them. It said: you will meet again.

To be continued at a later date...

A Modern Layla and Majnun - Part I

2010-11-11T17:54:00.003Z

Layla sits dreaming of her lost love

Layla and Majnun is based on the true stories of the Bedouin poet Qays ibn al-Mulawwah ibn Muzahim and Layla bint Mahdi ibn Sa'd. The story tells of a 7th century A.D young poet called Qays, who falls in love with a girl born in a rich family from the same tribe. In his poems he proclaimed his love for her and asked her father for her hand. Even though Qays and Layla had grown up together, and they both loved each other dearly, the father refused since Qays wasn't wealthy enough. Soon after Layla is given to another man in marriage, whom took her to the area of today's Iraq, got ill and eventually died.

The name Layla means "night" in arabic, which some people believe to mean that the couple in secrecy continued their relationship. The name Majnun means "a crazy person", which became his name after he went mad for being refused to marry Layla.

Qays left his tribe to wonder the desert as a wild man and became known as Majnun. He was later found dead in the wilderness in 688 AD, near an unknown woman's grave. Three verses of poetry was carvedon a rock close to the grave. According to the Persian Nezami's version of the story, Layla and Majnun meets for the last time before their deaths. Both have fainted and Majnun's elderly messenger attemptsto revive Layla while wild animals protect the couple from unwelcomed intruders.

Here's my adaption of my own story of Layla and Majnun:

The merciless heat of the Sudanese summer was coming to an end when the woman sat in a bumby raksha on her way through the dusty gravel roads to her first day at work. She was going to be a consultant for a small organization that were removing land mines from the country side. Her main task was going to be to teach English to the local staff in the main office. Among the locals was a man. His eyes were constantly glowing, and when he was smiling, he did it with his whole face. The woman was a khawadja, a westerner, and the man was a Sudanese arab.

The friendship was soon to arrive, and after came the relationship. Despite cultural and religious differences they managed to make the difficulties to challanges to be overcome. Love had showed her pretty face.

The woman's family, who was in Sweden, were not too happy about the relationship. They were worried about his religion. Many westerners have prejudices about arabs and her family was no exceptions. They thought that in case of a marriage, he would force her to become a muslim, kidnap their children and bring them back to Sudan, that he would beat her and abuse her in other ways. His family was cautious too. The woman had to endure a long list of questions about her values and plans for the future. The questioning though, lead to the woman being accepted by the family and the relationship could now be official.

The man went to a mission in Darfur, a huge area in the south-western parts of the country that is known for war, conflicts, rapes, burning of entire villages, huge refugee camps, death, misery and kidnapping... The man, who was there on mission for a different organization, was kidnapped with his collegue by rebels, accused of working for the government. All connection with the man was broken and no one heard from him in almost two weeks. The woman was inconsolable. Her eyes were constantly filled with tears and the horror and worry that she felt was indescribable.

The UN had finally managed to negotiate with the rebels to free them. A few days later the man arrived back in the capital. Without respect of the prohibition of showing affection in public, the man and woman threw themselves in each others arms, kissed and cried of joy and relief. An engagement was settled and the man's family threw them a combined welcome home and engagement party. A few days later the woman had to leave her beloved fiancé and return to Sweden.

To be continued...

Africa in my Heart

2010-11-10T15:50:00.000Z

When I was a child, my uncle was a sailor. He travelled the world and a few months later he came home with small gifts and great stories. I could sit and listen to these stories for ages and the once that fascinated me the most was those of the wilderness, where song and dance colors the garment that the locals wear. I loved to listen to how different things were there, how happy people were, even if they barely had food and clean water for the day. Needless to say, my uncle became my great role model.

At that time, my affection for Africa was born. I was still a child when I felt the need of going there. Maybe I lived in Africa in a previous life, and my uncle was the one who reminded me of it. I don't know, but from then on, I knew that one day I will move to Africa.

I'm not there yet. Yes, I've visited Sudan and Morocco for a few months each, but that wasn't enough. I want to find that perfect place, in the coutskirts of a city, close by white sandy beaches and turquoise waters. I want to make friends with the wonderful people that always has a smile on their faces even when they suffer. I want to climb the mountains, camp in the wilderness, trekk in the jungles and dive the deep blue, full of colourful fishes, dolphines, whales and sharks. One day I will find that place, me and the love of my life.

So thank you, dear uncle, for showing me the path that is so right for me. I'll forever be greateful and I trust in your lifestyle. Because after all the traveling you made, you found the place of your dreams; the breathtaking Iceland. And if you move onwards to different locations, then I know that that too is what you're meant to do.

I know we've had a fall out, you and me, but I hope from the bottom of my heart and soul that our relationship will develop into what it used to be. I love you and your wonderful family.

A Second of Fame

2010-11-08T21:39:00.000Z

WTactics is "a truly free strategy tabletop game played with cards, and also playable online if a friend isn't nearby". One of the developers, a very dear friend of mine, asked if I would like to have a character on one of the cards. So I sent some pictures of me, explained what kind of clothes and powers I would like to have. He then sent it to the wonderful artist and in a few weeks the work copy was sent back to me.

I'm so happy about it and really look forward to seeing the complete game when it's done. If you're into strategy game cards, then I suggest that you join their page on Facebook: facebook.com/wtactics. They also greatly appreciate donations, since the development of the game and art of course takes resourses.

Solitude - Part III

2010-11-03T21:39:00.000Z

A German-American theologian and philosopher by the name of Paul Tillich (1886-1965) explained the difference between solitude and loneliness like this:

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.

After reading this, I decided that it probably would be a good subject to discuss concerning the previous two texts in the Solitude-series. After I realized that I had basically lost all my friends, I most definitely felt lonely, and that loneliness was in no sense a good one. I dwelled in the situation, mourned what was lost, at my failiours and at my fate. I hated life. I didn't see the point in continue living without my friends, without anyone. My family was there of course, but I simply took them for granted and didn't realize that I never would be lonely as long as I had them. The English biologist and politican John Lubbock (1834-1913) said that:

The whole value of solitude depends upon one's self; it may be a sanctuary or a prison, a haven of repose or a place of punishment, a heaven or a hell, as we ourselves make it.

So I most certainly chose my own hell and for a long time, that's where I lived. But then one day I woke up and realized something (some would call it an insight). I realized that sure, I lost my friends, but it wasn't by my hand. The situation I was in at the time of loosing them forced this to happen. Of course it wasn't what I wanted, but it happened and now I have to deal with it. Then I heard the laughter from downstairs (I was staying at mum's place at the time) and realized that I'm not lonely at all!

In this society, it's considered wierd not to have friends. And sure, I still have a handfull of people I treasure deeply and are honored to call my friends, but they are scattered around the world and I have no possibility to meet them or even talk to them as much as I would like to. But what's most important is that I'm not that lonely after all. I have people to talk to when I'm sad. Most people may go to a friend for advice. I go to my sister. Some people have girls' nights out, I drink beer with my brothers.

I'm not going to lie. I miss having friends, I really do. And I wish that sometimes, just sometimes, I would be invited to one of those girls' nights out, even if I can't come. Being asked to join feels just as important as to actually join. But I also know that new people will enter my life and that some of them will be my friends. The worst you can do is to actually look for them. Better to give it time. The right people always show up when you expect it the least.

Solitude - Part II

2010-11-02T21:59:00.000Z

The many questions

Being isolated and in solitude rises a lot of questions inside you, like why your friends left you when you needed them the most, how can you get them back or are they even worth trying to get back? How are you supposed to live a life without your friends, is it possible to get new ones? And if so, how? What do they really think of you, those few friends that you have left? Do they think I'm a pain in the ass or that I'm one of those energy stealers?

Those who left

People don't think like you. You would be very lucky (or unlucky) to meet someone that thinks just like you do. The first thing you need to learn, is that other people have their limits too, not just you. They may have their limits for different reasons than you. Maybe they don't have time for a sadass that never smiles or can go out partying with you. Maybe they want to help you, be there for you, but don't know how. Instead they withdraw.

Those people, however hard it is to loose them, are in your past. You lost your friends, for whatever reason, but in most cases it wasn't by choice. If I could have done things differently, I certainly wood. But I couldn't. I really couldn't. I was busy surviving and that was my priority. And to all my former friends: I understand. I understand why I had to be excluded, I really do. Everyone has different reasons and I'm sure yours were just as good as mine were.

Now what?

Those who are still there, are worth every piece of gold there is out there. They will stay with you, no matter what. They have seen you at your lowest and at your worst and they have been there those days when things seems a little brighter. In my case it's my family (including Linda and Khalid), Anna, Frida and Jakob. Even if they're few, even if they live far away and you don't get to see or talk to them as much as you would like, they mean everything. These people are the key to getting out of this.

You think you're alone? Look again. There are people all around you that truly cares about you and wants to be there for you. Yes, I lost most of my friends, but so what? I have my family and they're not going to leave me. And when my strength is back to normal, what's stopping me from getting new friends? I can do that, I know I can. Maybe not now, but soon enough.

Solitude - Part I

2010-11-01T22:34:00.002Z

"Solitude"

There are different ways of defining the word solitude:

the state of being solitary or secluded
a state of social icolation
the state or sitation of being alone
a state of being alone, or withdrawn from society; a lonely life; lonelyness.
the state of being or living alone

In most cases, solitude is not chosen. It happened for reasons that you either could or couldn't prevent. Maybe you did something so bad that your friends chose to fully or partly exclude you from their lives. Solitude can also be a result of a somewhat innocent person falling sick and no longer has the strength to keep her social life going. Suddenly there are other things to top the priority list of what is most important in your life. For example: would you prefer to fight for your will to stay alive, or would you rather keep going as normal and as a result; loose your life.

In my case, I lost my friends when I no longer had the will to live. I was in a deep depression and on a number of Hulk-strong pills to keep me calm and keep the suicidal thoughts away from my head. At this time, it wasn't even in me to call my friends, to keep relationships going and to pretend to be this super social gal I used to be. So I lost my friends. Three stayed (Anna, Frida and Jakob). For them, I will forever be greatful and I wish with all my being that one day I will be forever free the disabling angst so that I can show how much you really mean to me. I love you guys, from the bottom of my soul; I thank you.

During the years, the depressions have come back, and the problems with it. I've been slipping away from those dear friends even when I at times have had the courage to talk to them, and on occasion even see them. Anna moved to Oslo. Frida lives closer, but is busy. Jakob lives in Göteborg and is probably equally busy.

I'm really working on it, but it's still hard to be in social places with a lot of people. I never feel more alone than I do in a room full of people. Taking the bus to Göteborg is a huge undertaking even though it's only an hour away. This is probably the hardest part to explain; how I can't come have coffee in Borås or go to a party in Göteborg. I can't, because although I've worked hard to get where I am today, I'm not quite there yet. I so wish I was. Because at this time, it feels like even those three remaining friends are slipping away from me. I can't have that happen. That would certanily be the final blow. But what can I do to prevent that from happening? How can I prove to them that I'm worth to come visit, even if I can't come see them?

Patience

2010-10-31T21:30:00.000Z

Some of the smartest dummies

Can’t read the language of Egyptian mummies
An’ a fly go a moon
And can’t find food for the starving tummies

Pay no mind to the youths
Cause it’s not like the future depends on it
But save the animals in the zoo
Cause the chimpanzee dem a make big money

This is how the media pillages
On the TV the picture is
Savages in villages
And the scientist still can’t explain the pyramids, huh

Evangelists making a living on the videos of ribs of the little kids
Stereotyping the image of the images
And this is what the image is
You buy a khaki pants
And all of a sudden you say a Indiana Jones
An’ a thief out gold and thief out the scrolls and even the buried bones
Some of the worst paparazzis I’ve ever seen and I ever known

Put the worst on display so the world can see
And that’s all they will ever show
So the ones in the west
Will never move east
And feel like they could be at home

Dem get tricked by the beast
But a where dem ago flee when the monster is fully grown?
Solomonic linage whe dem still can’t defeat and them coulda never clone
My spiritual DNA that print in my soul and I will forever Own Lord

- from Patience by Nas & Damian Marley

Awkward Moments Concerning Scarfs

2010-10-28T13:33:00.001Z

This picture represents one of the most awkward and wierd (even humiliating) situations I've ever experienced.

For many years, my favourite garment has been the scarf. I usually wear it wrapped around my head, partly or fully covering my hair. It has no religious significance for me and I only wear it because it's comfortable and nice. My favourite wrap is what I suppose is most common in Africa and I like it in strong colours matched with big ear rings.

On this occation, I was in a shopping mall in Dubai. UAE is a pretty conservative country, where most muslim women wear veils and cover most parts of their body. My head wrap had started to slide back, so I went to the ladie's room to tie it up. All was well until two typical Dubai women (who must have been sisters), dressed in long flowing black garments covering everything except their faces, entered the room and went to fix their veils on each side of me in front of the mirror. I gave them a greeting smile but got none in return, only a raised eyebrow.

Now, covering your hair is a norm for muslim women in Dubai, and fixing your veil once in a while is a necessity. But since covering your hair is considered a part of Islam, I suppose the two women thought I was a proper wierdo for first of all being an obvious westerner and second of all wearing a head wrap. The situation that arose is very hard to discribe, but the two women on either side of me were glancing at each other and at me, then back to each other and frowned. This lasted for a couple of minutes, but it felt like a forever. I was being looked down at and got the feeling that I, as a stupid westerner, had no right in wearing a scarf for whatever reason. It was all very very uncomfortable and I mustered all my strength to not give up my attempt with fixing the scarf and run out of the ladie's room - and so letting them win. I took my time, did my best to ignore their disparaging looks and then left the room calmly (I hope).

Afterwards I can see the comic parts of the situation and try to gather some kind of wisdom from it. It taught me how important it is not to judge other people; not based on their looks, past or anything at all. Judging is not my task. It also taught me not to be affected by other people's judgement (although I still find that very hard). I did, after all, follow the clothing norm in Dubai. My hair was covered, although for different reasons than most other women in the city. It doesn't matter. No one should be looked down at based on their looks, where they come from or what language they speak.

The Secret of Bliss

2010-10-22T17:44:00.003Z

It took me two days before I could start to write this. Two days of an unimaginable storm of emotions rushing through me, messing up all rational thinking and still letting me see clearly for a long long time. I have sought the source of happiness for most of my adult life, searching for that one thing that will allow me to feel bliss. I had no luck, until two days ago.

Linda called me, after what seemed like forever. I had been waiting impatiantly all day. We knew there would be news from the children's hospital in Göteborg about Jamie's cancer; either the tumour had shrunk in a satisfying way allowing a surgery, or more cytotoxin would be required. This is what happened:

Me: Did they call? What did they say??

Linda: Well, there is one good news...

Me: Tell me! What is it?!

Linda: At least there won't be any more cytotoxin!

Me: Wohoooo! That's wonderful! So when is the surgery?!

Linda: Well... there won't be a surgery either...

Silence.

Me: What do you mean?

Now I was thinking the worst. Is there nothing else they can do for him? Is this it?

Linda: He doesn't need it, the tumour isn't a threat anymore!

When the information started to sink in, I started to cry. An erruption of pure happiness and relief just surged through me. I've never in my whole life felt anything like this. It's a bloody miracle! Jamie doesn't have cancer anymore! I thought I had my priorities in life, and I thought that happiness was something that occured to the individual, something that had to do with your ego. But no, bliss is found in the caring of others, nothing less. I cried of happiness that whole day; for Jamie that will have a life, a future. For Linda, who no longer will suffer from the angst and worry of loosing her child and to see him suffer. For Jamie's brothers, who will have their baby brother to tease and to play with. For the whole family, that no longer need to imagine a future without the baby, and for all friends, who have prayed, hoped and crossed their fingers.

So many people have followed this baby's struggles through cancer and in their best ways supported his mother, kept her strong, made her not give up. I think it's the power of all these people, who made this miracle happen.

From now on, my previous worries are nothing. I no longer care about ignorant people acting out of jealousy, of bad things being said about me. I don't care about money or other material things. All that are just trifles and not worthy my energy. What I do care for, is my family and friends. They are what make me happy and keeps me going, and I will do anything that is in my power to make them feel what I feel right now. Nothing is more important than that.

So, to all my friends and family: I love you!

And to my foes: Fuck off.

The picture is borrowed from Souls Talking Brain.

Good old Slander

2010-10-19T23:15:00.000Z

So today mum showed me something interesting. I must be quite something if someone puts so much energy into despising me and letting everyone know it. Lies are easily spread and easily forgotten, but the dirt you get on your hands while spreading them will not go away for a very long time and it will be that that people will first notice about you.